My brother rang me in the week. We use to be very close, which his wife has a problem with (??) so after a decade and a half of her rather unhinged behaviour, we have little to do with them. Until they want something that is. He talked for quarter of an hour in the week before asking whether we would have their children for the week-end while they went to a wedding.
Well, we would, we could, but then again, since receiving abusive texts both times I have been pregnant when she is not, hearing how she shoved my then seventy-something mother while she was standing at the top of the stairs, ranting at my father, coming to stay week-ends with my parents and usually turning up after midnight etc etc, we would really rather not. The 15 years of nastiness is glossed over of course as it is in all 'nice' families. No apologies for vile and unforgiveable behaviour have been asked for and none offered. But, as you can imagine, we don't feel particularly inclined to help them out at a time that is quite inconvenient to us (middle child will have just started school and is already feeling displaced by baby).
So, what do they do in the way that only they could? They get my parents (both nearly 80) to agree to have them. Whenever I have expressed envy at my friends who go off for week-ends whilst leaving their children with their parents, my mother has expressed regret that they are too old to help. Every flaming time. I don't know who I am crosser with actually. This has happened so many times - my parents saying they are too old to babysit now, us therefore not asking, brother SIL then taking the mickey. Apologies for typos and spelling - too angry to check it!!