to feel disappointed at MIL and DPs lack of support for how I want to do things with DD?

[RGPargy]

I need to know if i'm being unreasonable or not on this.

DD is 8 months and for the last 3 months i have been introducing some baby signs to her, i.e. "milk", "more", "eat", that sort of thing. Anyway, despite his apparent enthusiasm for signing, DP has hardly ever bothered to sign to DD. So now i've said that i want to take DD to Sing and Sign classes but because i was late getting my forms back, the only class they've got available now is a Wednesday morning. I cant do this class because i've just gone back to work and will be working part time, including Wednesdays. MIL was chomping at the bit to look after DD when i returned to work so i thought that as there was a Wednesday space left, she could possibly take DD there and learn some signs herself too. Great! (or so I thought).

I phoned up MIL and asked how she would feel about taking DD to the S&S class and she said "well i wouldn't, really". When i asked her why she said that she'd been talking to her partner that morning and in so many words told me it was a load of crap and that "babies have managed to get across what they want long before that came along" and she said that she wouldn't do the signs with her either. I was quite at this because I thought she was the type of person to try different things and i thought she was quite open minded. I just thought it would be nice for DD to get out of the house and thought it might interest MIL to start doing the odd sign or two. Kinda two birds with one stone sort of thing.

AIBU about that? DP hasn't said much about but just shrugged in a "oh right" kind of way.

Another thing too that i feel i'm losing a battle on is what DD is eating. DP was raised a vegetarian and has never eaten meat or fish in his life. I am NOT a veggie and made it clear to him that i wanted DD to eat meat but she was very welcome not to eat it later in life if that was her choice. Anyway, i gave her a bit of chicken to try and he was like "eeeww she wont like that" and then because she didn't eat it (it takes time for her to accept new foods) he made a flippant comment that she was also a veggie. He then kicked up a real stink when i offered her a bit of fish (just some cod). he was saying that it was making his stomach turn etc. DD got on better with this and put it to her mouth several times although she didn't actually eat any.

Later that night, DP said he was actually starting to feel quite "funny" about DD eating meat and he more or less forbid me to give DD fish just because neither I or DP eat it! It wasn't something hugely smelly or gross, just a bit of bloody fish!! Just because i'm not keen on fish and hardly ever touch it doesn't mean that DD shouldn't eat it, does it?!!

I just feel that i am fighting a losing battle on my own with regard to the signing and the meat issues and i dont feel that i've got the support of DP or MIL on either matter.

It's got to the point where i feel really down about it and now i'm wondering if me alone just signing to DD will actually do any good or whether i should just chuck it in because no one else is going to bother anyway!

I'm so sorry this is a rather long post and thank you if you've managed to get this far.

Sienna - that frog incident sounds brilliant! What a clever girl!

Storm - yes i think the fish aversion is due to the smell. I will discuss the meat issue with him again i think, although he did say that he's only really happy with her eating chicken.

WRT the signing - DP said last night that's 100% not fussed if i do it or not. He admitted that he might change his mind if he sees her sign back to me, but denied that DD gets excited when i say "milk" and do the sign to her. He said he didn't think her legs and arms waving around all over the place were a sign that she understood the signs/words, but that she could already know that it's coming because she might hear the kettle boil and hear me prepping up the bottle etc. Earlier today tho we were all sitting on the bed and were joined by one of my cats. DD started to pull stroke the cat and i signed "cat" and said the cat's name to her. He actually asked what sign i was doing and asked if i should just be doing the sign or cat and saying cat rather than the cat's name! So he is taking some sort of interest in it, which is one thing i suppose.

Maybe your DH is put out because he thought that your child eating meat would be a decision that you might make together, not one that you would foist on him?

As for the signing thing, am afraid that I will go down the popular route of saying that if you want someone to stick to your rules all the time and do your activities, then you should be hiring proper paid childcare.

It is, I'm glad you agree.

Dd has taken to it more than any other child I know and we have spectators watching us and asking us questions when we are out in cafes etc. She will eat something and "say" eat/cake/love/yes then smile and enphasise love Hmmm I wonder who taught her that. Out and about (duck pond)she will say Look/mummy/duck/bath then say quack!

I have noticed that it is women of a certain age who really do not agree with it once they see that dd is not hearing impaired, however I have convinced a few that it is very useful.

Sienna - sounds like your DD has really taken to it! brilliant!

Lazy Line - I have said in my previous posts that DP and I HAVE discussed the meat eating when i was pregnant and so i have not "foisted" it on him at all!!!!!

I resent your implication that i am barking orders to MIL when she is caring for DD (she asked to look after DD, not the other way around btw). As i have said again, it wasnt the fact that she doesnt want to go (but is happy to go to other M&T groups so i cant see the difference) but it was more her attitude about it. I dont expect her to sign to DD if she doesn't want to, i just thought it would be nice for DD.

Have you actually read this thread?

Well, RG, I read the OP, which to be fair, is all I can be expected to do. It's not my fault that you didn't include enough information in your OP so that people could make a reasoned argument. All you say in your OP is that you made it clear to him that you wanted her to eat meat. What else would I think?

It seems to be common practice here to only read the OP and not the rest of the thread.

I didn't imply that you were barking orders to your MIL. FWIW, I think she is being a bit of a nobbins digging her heels in wrt baby signing, I think it is a great thing to do. But then again, in your OP you didn't mention anything about her wanting to go out to things.

I didn't mean to offend you.

OK Lazy, point taken. I should have been clearer so apologies for snapping at you. I was upset at the time of the OP and it was only as i was reading responses to it and after chatting to DP too, that i could post more information about her going to other stuff too etc and remembered other stuff.