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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to wish my mum wouldn't call my DSs "mate"

29 replies

MogTheForgetfulCat · 03/08/2008 21:12

Hard for me to explain quite why this bugs me so much, but...

She calls my DSs (2.5 and 0.5) "mate". Not darling, sweetheart etc., but mate. I would not ordinarily think of her as the sort of person who says "mate" very much - she is a semi-retired professional person, not a man playing football or someone trying to cadge the change for a cup of tea (sorry, stretching a point to make a point here).

I suppose I think it smacks of indifference - it's not really an endearment is it? She is not a warm woman, and a lot of her interactions with her GCs seem rather dutiful - for example, she has my nephew every other Saturday and refers to the Saturdays she doesn't have him as "my day off" .

It's not as if the DSs are going short - DH and I are both a bit gushy and effusive in that way, quite possibly to a barforamic extent . I suppose I just wish that she was more loving towards them? Even though she is not exactly unloving, iyswim.

Hmm, will stop now, not making sense even to myself.

Oh, and I clearly can't tell her - me and her have ishoos and a tricky relationship, and I don't want her to start calling them something nicer if she doesn't feel it. Just find it odd and a bit

OP posts:
BarcodeZebra · 03/08/2008 21:16

My MIL calls me "chum". I kinda like it. You're lucky to have her. Don't knock it. Our in laws live 200 miles north and 400 miles south. We've had three nights out in three and a half years.

MegBusset · 03/08/2008 21:17

DH and I call DS "mate", it certainly is an endearment to us!

NoBiggy · 03/08/2008 21:18

I call my daughter mate. I don't consider myself indifferent.

I never call anyone darling unless I'm taking the pee, or Alastair has dropped by for a Vimto.

southeastastra · 03/08/2008 21:19

my mil does this to my sons, she's from islington.

funnypeculiar · 03/08/2008 21:21

I call ds mate (amoungst other things)
I quite like him.

I actually like the idea of giving a child a range of endearment 'types' ...

Snaf · 03/08/2008 21:23

I call ds 'mate'. Of course it's an endearment - it doesn't have to be fluffy-wuffy bunnikins to be a loving expression, you know.

BarcodeZebra · 03/08/2008 21:24

I occasional call DD1 "Wing Commander" (DW wouldn't conscience it as a name if she's been a boy.

TheHedgeWitch · 03/08/2008 21:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

BarcodeZebra · 03/08/2008 21:25

It goes without saying, of course that DD2 is "Flight Lieutenant".

2luvlyboys · 03/08/2008 21:27

Sorry I don't get it! What wrong with "mate"?

Helsbels4 · 03/08/2008 21:27

My dear mum used to call my DS "My little mate" when she was still here and I would love to hear her say it again. It's lovely. My DH now calls him mate or Buddy. Obviously don't know your other ishoos with her though, so maybe more to it?

cyteen · 03/08/2008 21:29

If she's not naturally given to warm, effusive endearments, perhaps 'mate' is the highest and gushiest term of love she can offer right now?

cyteen · 03/08/2008 21:29

You know, like a manly punch on the arm instead of a hug.

MuffinMclay · 03/08/2008 21:31

I call ds1 'matey' as a term of endearment when he is doing something that he knows to be wrong but has a huge grin on his face and is being too cute to be properly cross with. Don't know why I say it, and never call anyone else 'mate', but it seems to fit at that time.

beanieb · 03/08/2008 21:32

to be fair I can see why she might refer to the Saturday as her day off. As a semi-professional I am guessing she still works plus they are your children and her grandchildren and I am sure she loves them very much but can see you are loving parents and is perhaps just giving you space.

Onestonetogo · 03/08/2008 21:40

Message withdrawn

Original poster
MogTheForgetfulCat · 03/08/2008 21:45

Okey dokey, will stop bellyaching about it, then

I still find it a bit odd for such little children, but verdict unanimous - IABU. Sorry, mum!

OP posts:
louloulouise · 04/08/2008 14:15

At least she doesn't call them;

Sweetness and light (wtf?!)
Sugarplum
Angelface
Babes (bleurgh)
BabyDoll

Like my mil does to both DD and DS

EssieW · 04/08/2008 14:18

My FIL (and DH a bit as well) both call DS mate. I don't like it either - think it sounds weird. Nor can I explain my reasoning - though I think it has something to do with not letting a child be a child and mate to me is referring to an adult

So in my world, YANBU!

OrmIrian · 04/08/2008 14:21

I call DS mate.

YABU but if it winds you up it winds you up!

barnsleybelle · 04/08/2008 14:26

My husband calls ds mate and i do at times..

As long as its affectionate then surely it doesn't matter.

anotherdayyetanothernickname · 04/08/2008 14:29

Slight digression but I called my ds age 3 mate the other day and he turned round and said 'don't call me mate, my name's not mate' in quite an indignant way and it made me smile a lot. V cute.

ipanemagirl · 04/08/2008 14:29

LOL @ barforamic!!

snice · 04/08/2008 14:41

At least she doesnt say -like my MIL - "give me a love" AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH

Its a kiss/hug /cuddle NOT a 'love'. Drives me mad every time I hear it and makes me want to get quite violent.

VictorianSqualor · 04/08/2008 14:48

Lol DS calls himself 'Bobbymate' as he was called mate so often as a toddler.

That was by DP trying to develop a relationship with his step son though.