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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think mil shouldn't try to feed dd chips

75 replies

tab1 · 03/08/2008 20:13

mil bought bag of chips to our house (why can't she eat them at home) and dd was straight over pointing. mil said let her have some, they won't do her harm. I told her no cos they are bad for her, covered in salt and she already ate her dinner. She just kept going on saying let her have some. After literally 10 times I snapped NO and all went quiet. We are trying to get dd to eat dinner with us at the table and to me she is undermining the rules. AIBU

OP posts:

Onestonetogo · 03/08/2008 21:48

Message withdrawn

ScottishMummy · 03/08/2008 21:49

she went against your expressed preference so yes MIL is unreasonable

tricky bit, is whether it was wilfully ignoring your preference's (sounds like it) or a innocuous spontaneous act

she need to get with the programme and not be divisive

PavlovtheCat · 03/08/2008 21:52

YANBU - it makes no difference whether other posters feel that a few chips would not hurt, of course they would not!

But the point is, you clearly stated your view on the matter several times, your mother stated hers, you disagreed - as the parent, your decision should be respected, whether or not the actual view is agreed with or not.

I have no problems listening to other people's views on parenting and whether they think something I & DH chose to do is right or wrong, let it be said for sure. But once it has been said, and we have made our decision, I expect it to be adhered to, certainly in my own home at the very least!

Original poster

tab1 · 03/08/2008 23:13

feel a bit less beaten with a stick now,

OP posts:

themoon66 · 03/08/2008 23:24

at 2 years old, DS could sit and eat an adult portion of fish, chips and mushy peas. Who am I to deny his Yorkshire heritage?

He's not grown up to be a fat, junk food loving teen.

YABU to deny your DD a couple of nice yummy chips. And remember, they ALWAY taste nicer when 'borrowed' out of someone else's bag

elkiedee · 03/08/2008 23:29

We took ds at just under 14 months to a Turkish restaurant for my birthday and he had chicken cooked kebab style (from my plate). As well as a taste of most of what was on the meze that dp and my dad shared, including vegetables, lots of Turkish bread etc. He loves chips but it does mean I can't cover them in salt and vinegar. I don't let him have crisps though, and only small bits of chocolate. dp and I have agreed that we have to curb some our junk food habits in front of him though, we shouldn't eat things in front of him that we're not prepared to share with him, at least in moderation.

phoebebouffet · 03/08/2008 23:50

YES YES YES why why why? Sorry can't remember who has just said this but Why on earth are relatives so desparate to feed dcs on junk anyway? I'm sure they do it to P* us off and wind us up, they know that we want to try and get our children to eat healthily. Personally I think my MIL is experimenting so she can go and tell everyone DDIL lets him have this and she doesn't let him have this......blah blah blah.....

cornsilk · 03/08/2008 23:56

I don't think the chips would have harmed her, but MIL should respect you in your own house. You said no, that should have been the end of it. What did your dh say?

Upwind · 04/08/2008 06:08

YANBU

Sounds like MIL was just doing it to wind you up. Your DD, you get to decide what is okay for her to eat.

I would have a word with MIL about bringing around junk food just for herself to eat and tempt your DD.

Original poster

tab1 · 04/08/2008 14:36

i have mentioned it before when she has bought a family size pizza round late at night and offered it round, i've nothing against pizza occasionally but not when we have already eaten dinner and as you say it tempts DD to eat unhealthily late at night. We have a rule that we only eat things infront of dd that she can share so if i think she has had enough i wouldn't dream of eating a tasty snack infront of her it's cruel. I admit though that even if we had no kids it would bug me that mil insists of bringing takeaways round without even asking and stinking the house out.

OP posts:

Twelvelegs · 04/08/2008 14:42

Confused as to what time of night this was? Surely DD is in bed 6.30-7pm? So not too late. As patronising as it is this is all heightened by your first born being your trial at being a parent, if you like, and we all feel that we have to have final say over everything.... which we do. However this seems like a bigger issue and MIL needs to obey your rules.
I would gentally ask DH/DP to tell his mother not to bring crap into the house.

YumeeMumee · 04/08/2008 14:51

I have to say that YANBU - but either way your child, your rules especially when you'd expressed your decision to her.

Our DS asked for chips when we had some at a pub/restaurant and after a couple he lost interest and now if we have them [usually oven ones] then he does the same ie just has a couple, so I'm a little more relaxed. As DS is getting older then I'm all for things in moderation - tho he still doesn't have chocolate(!) and DEF no pop....a friend of ours is always trying to give DS cola...WTF?!

I'm more annoyed when MIL tries to give DS food covered in salt....she usually does this with veg and then undermines me by asking DH if it's ok after I've said no! Or if DH gives DS crisps, again cos of the salt...I'm happy for DS to have crisps but he has his crisps ie the organix ones.

YumeeMumee · 04/08/2008 14:56

I also have to agree with phoebe my MIL has been going on since before DS was born that she's gona sneak him chocolate biscuits....which will be 'their little secret'!!

Aaarrrggg....the fact that she's asking him to keep a secret [IMO] is worse than her giving him the choc biscuit! I can't believe that - I don't want DS to think he has to keep secrets from me...not already....he's not even 2 yet

Original poster

tab1 · 04/08/2008 14:57

she is my first born and possibly only child and i do feel like it should be all my way, i know that's wrong but i don't want to do anyhting i will regret later and that includes her eating. Should a 13 month old really be asleep by 6.30? My dp would never see her if she was. We have dinner at 5.30 when dp home from work and then he plays with her before bath at 7.30, then milk and bed, is that too late?

OP posts:

lljkk · 04/08/2008 15:02

oOH, Tab1, you've outed yourself, now. A zealot on food but a slattern on bedtimes...
(says she whose DC didn't turn in until past 10pm last night )

YumeeMumee · 04/08/2008 15:07

IMO do what's right for you and that goes for whether she is your first born and poss only child or not. YOU'RE the boss, noone else...we can all give our experiences and advice but noone is absolutely correct.

My DS (23mths) is soooo full of energy that he will have an hours nap during the day if I'm lucky and then won't go to bed til around 8-9pm but he's up between 6.30/7am! I have tried to put him down earlier but it just distresses him as he's clearly not ready/tired. If your DD is happy to go to bed at 7.30 and isn't suffering the next day because of it, then carry on.

If it ain't broken then it don't need fixin

Original poster

tab1 · 04/08/2008 15:12

she is up between 6 and 7 every morning, crawls and cruises non stop till she drops to her cot after lunch for an hour and then lively again till 8ish. If i put her to bed earlier she would ce swinging off the cot bars.

OP posts:

YumeeMumee · 04/08/2008 15:35

Sounds exactly like my DS...therefore IMO, carry on. It sounds like it works for you and means that your DP benefits by getting a bit of quality time with her after work, so why you worrying?

I've found that it's better to put them down when they're about ready otherwise you have a battle on your hands and they get themselves in a state. Plus you get wound up too.

NosilaFfodrot · 04/08/2008 15:39

MIL and own M pain in bum when it comes to junk food "oh she's been such a good girl I gave her some chocolate". Fed up with it, I didn't want dd to associate chocolate with a reward. Don't get me wrong I am happy for her to have chocolate as part of a balanced diet but not FGS as a reward for good behaviour!
Likewise I'm made to feel like Cruella DeVille 'cos dd only drinks water and milk. MIL must have been very cheesed off when she offered it her on the QT whilst babysitting one day and dd told her "no"

YumeeMumee · 04/08/2008 15:45

I agree Nosila, ideally I'd like DS to choose between a cake/crisps and an apple equally. I try and do things in moderation and so far it works. There are times when he'd much rather have a piece of fruit than a biscuit
I'd hate for DS to lie to me about having junk food or for him to gorge himself at parties or special occasions cos he never gets to have 'treats' at home!!

elkiedee · 04/08/2008 20:23

I think bedtime about 7.30 sounds fine for a child of 13 months - but I'm usually quite happy if ds at 15 months is asleep by 8 or so.

My family know ds loves strawberries so they get him them specially, which is lovely. He does love his chips but he also adores peas so I try to make sure he gets some of those whenever possible.

Twelvelegs · 05/08/2008 15:36

Your baby your rules.

Twelvelegs · 05/08/2008 15:37

Although should add she may not be getting enough sleep

thefortbuilder · 05/08/2008 16:29

my bil frequently tries to give ds1 lucozade no chips though

2shoes · 05/08/2008 17:14

yabu

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