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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fed up to the back teeth of hearing that new health rules are crap and new mums know nothing.

99 replies

Kaedsmum · 01/08/2008 19:53

Because everything was fine in their day, they didn't know dangers, no babies ever died or got ill, and we are all just fussy.

Yet guidelines today are realistic and do decrease the risk of cot death. Don't get me wrong, I'm weaning my baby early because he's so hungry and ready for it, and sometimes I lie him on his side if he's very colicy. I am open to older people's opinions.

But I'm sick of being patronised and disregarded for doing things A) my way, or B) according to guidelines.

Oh and the worst is when you change to their way and they go 'well I didn't want to say anything before because you thought you knew best'.

Anyone else want to join my rant?

OP posts:
BouncingTurtle · 08/08/2008 13:55

I visited a friend yesterday who had another friend over as well, nice lass she works with.
I mentioned in passing that DS refuses to take a bottle. My friend's friend said, are you going to wean him off the breast then.
And that will help how???
Tinksmum - yep I get the crazy woman looks when I mention BLW...
And if I had a pound when someone, on seeing ds feed himself, say there lo couldn't do that at his age, I'd be rich!

allgonebellyup · 08/08/2008 13:59

i dont care what people say- i put both of mine to sleep on their fronts as soon as they were born, they wouldnt sleep any other way.

hatrick · 08/08/2008 14:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

quickerthistimeplease · 08/08/2008 14:13

I also get the same BUT my Mum is slightly jealous of lots of things we have now like bath supports, grobags, better buggies etc. Keeps saying- 'oh I wish we had those when you were a baby'. She does have the good grace to admit that just shoving a carrycot on the back seat of a car with a baby in is probably not the safest thing. And she couldn't breastfeed any of us so is quite impressed that I could.

TinkerBellesMum · 08/08/2008 14:14

BT, I had a baby who looked about 3 months old sitting nicely eating! Can you imagine how impressed mother of toddlers were?

allgonebellyup having spent the first three weeks being rotated in the unit, Tink would only sleep on her front. We co-slept and had no risk factors so paediatrician said go with it. He laughed at us for taking turns watching her

Original poster
Kaedsmum · 08/08/2008 14:23

I'm not unreasonable for weaning the baby before 6 months, honestly, even the HV told me to because he's huge and hungry and there's no hungrier baby Wysoy. I'm one of the unfortunate people who tried v. hard to BF and couldn'tn

Everyone should just bring up their babies how they want, as long as they love them and are doing their best there's no need for everyone else to think they know best.

I do know best for mine though lol

OP posts:
VictorianSqualor · 08/08/2008 14:29

Kaedsmum, sorry but that's pants.
Size has nothing to do with readiness to wean.
I'm sorry you were unable to breastfeed for whatever reason but babies should not be weaned before 26 weeks and there is no way to tell if they are ready or not, size included.
Mum doesn't always know best.

noonki · 08/08/2008 14:40

VS - I was told by my HV to wean my DS1 at 6 months but my DS2 (all of 19 months later) after 18 weeks.

Apparently they had reverted back to around 4 months as studies showed that the 6 month rule was wrong for some babies

BitOfFun · 08/08/2008 14:42

That is interesting VS - what is the thinking behind the six-month "new rule"? I had my babies quite a long time ago now and the thinking was 3-4 months then, which I followed. Both dc seem fine btw, but is there some research that says it's dangerous to wean so early now? Just curious.

VictorianSqualor · 08/08/2008 14:43

Well, we all know some hv's talk nonsense.
There is nothing to suggest that babies need food before 26 weeks, or even later.

The research behind weaning shows that when born baby's stomachs are permeable, to allow them to absorb the milk easier to digest. Only milk should be entering the stomach when it is permeable to avoid possible allergies or stomach/digestion problems in later life.

Somewhere between 17-26 weeks the stomach becomes unpermeable, and 'seals' which is when the baby is physically internally ready for solids. Unfortunately we can't tell which baby is ready at 17 weeks, and which is ready at 26! That's why they say to wait.

It has been suggested though, which is what BLW is based around, that once your baby can sit unaided, grab food, put it in their mouth, chew and swallow that they are likely to be ready internally, until then nature wouldn't allow us to be developmentally ready and we would fail at some point in the process.

BitOfFun · 08/08/2008 14:46

I am trying to work out what BLW means. Bloody Late Weaning??

lulumama · 08/08/2008 14:46

there has been no reversion to 4 months at all.all NHS and DoH leaflets and info re weaning says no solids before 17 weeks as a bare minimum but says around 6 months is preferable. no-one can see inside their baby's gut to see if it is mature enough to cope with food

BitOfFun · 08/08/2008 14:47

But thanks for the information, I hadn't realised that about babies stomachs.

lulumama · 08/08/2008 14:49

www.babyledweaning.com

some babies might be absolutely fine weaned at 4 months. but the vast majority will be far better weaned later.

the signs of readiness are not waking more or wathcing you eat, but these might indicate readiness :

sitting unaided
loss of tongue thrust reflex
able to use pincer grip
can pick up food, get to their mouth chew and swallow!

i don;t get the hurry to wean. a milk feed is bigger and more satisfying than food .

wearymum200 · 08/08/2008 14:53

HV now say 6 months to wean because then the people doing it "early" do it at 4-5 months, whereas when they said 4 months, the early weaners were going in at 10 weeks. Good evidence is thin on the ground.
My mother and M-I-L both got lots of grief as young mothers because they insisted on breastfeeding (when formula was said to be much better for baby), so some things never change. Fortunately, my M-I-L NEVER offers advice unless asked for it directly. My mother is a little harder to keep quiet. But at least they were both on side for breastfeeding (tho' my Mum loved giving a bottle of EBM to baby as she got mega cuddles, maybe that's why everyone's mothers actually recommend formula?

noonki · 08/08/2008 14:57

and weaning is sooooo boring !

MrsJamin · 08/08/2008 14:57

I"m 100% behind VS, she talks a lot of sense re weaning and the 'you're the mum, you know what's best for your LO' is a bollocks argument.

Back to the original gist of the thread, my mum has kept up with the 'topping up with formula' suggestion as a solution to a goodness-knows-what problem (I haven't really had any, DS has been v easy). Also lately she completely scoffs at the thought that I might want to monitor how much salt or sugar DS has at 7 months. She said that we turned out ok and thinks it's ridiculous that I take any notice of guidelines or research - She wrote in her last email "Having lived a little bit longer than you I have seen all sorts of fads and diet regimes come and go, but I am interested in your different way of doing it."I mean it's common sense to monitor sugar and salt even when you're an adult fgs!

fabsmum · 08/08/2008 15:08

"Apparently they had reverted back to around 4 months as studies showed that the 6 month rule was wrong for some babies"

I sign up to the Cow and Gate professional update. They send me a glossy, expensively produced newsletter every couple which is generally packed with research undermining the government's recommendations on weaning. I think there are a lot of health professionals who read this stuff who aren't research literate and who have very little exposure to communities where there are high levels of exclusive breastfeeding. Most HV's have no confidence in supporting longer term breastfeeding and don't have the skills or the time to really sit down with mothers and discuss the behavioural and developmental issues surrounding weaning.

My third child was very big and very, very hungry. Before I weaned him at six months he was bf every hour or so on and off. I have no doubt that had I been a first time mum my HV would have told me that his very frequent feeding was a sure fire sign that my son needed solids - despite the fact he was growing and developing normally on breastmilk alone.

I don't worry about other people's advice. Even back when I was a first time mum with no experience of babies at all - I didn't listen to anything anyone said on the subject of feeding or sleeping - including advice from my mum and my MIL. God knows where I got the confidence from. Didn't read anything either. As a very lazy person I just took the path of least resistance in relation to all aspects of baby care. Seemed to work pretty well for me.

fabsmum · 08/08/2008 15:12

Sorry - should add that I suppose I was lucky that my 'path of least resistence' was to exclusively bf on demand, wean late and have dc's sleeping in with us. Lucky for me that my chosen way of caring for my babies just happens to fit with research based guidelines in these areas!

Bumdiddley · 08/08/2008 15:25

noonki - I loved weaning!!

Bumperlicious · 08/08/2008 15:37

Agree with the OP but also agree with VS, doesn't the point about early weaning go against the essence of the OP?

Why take a risk for the sake of a couple of weeks? Just up the milk intake IMO.

BouncingTurtle · 08/08/2008 15:38

Lol@ Bloody Late Weaning!
Early weaning is a relatively new phenomenon - I think it coincides with a time around WWII when significant numbers of women had to leave their babies very early to be the main breadwinners due to the death and disability of the main male workforce during the war.
Before this babies weren't weaned until the winter time when they were 9 - 12 mos old, because food kept longer and better in the colder months it was deemed safer to introduce solids then.
I read this somewhere, but can't remember where, but certainly I have heard this anecdotally from people of my Nan's generation.

noonki · 08/08/2008 15:38

I am just a crap cook and anything to do with cooking leaves me cold

normally DH cooks (when here) but he decided that weaning was my job

(I was very fussy with DS1 and got in a bit of a tizz...'ok he has had something yellow and millet based for breakfast therefore it must be green but not from the brassica family as that's tea!!!)

and then he wouldn't like it anyway, it filled my head so that by DS2 I found it sooo dull!

BouncingTurtle · 08/08/2008 15:40

Bumperlicious - perhaps not if this was how she was advised by her HV. Very at this - HV should know better, what the hell are new mums supposed to do if these so called health care professionals still keep giving out duff advice?

Bumdiddley · 08/08/2008 15:42

Ah I see! Bloomin' 'ell!

I found it rather exciting eg. you can't really mash melon or peach! And feeding babies banana when they make yuo retch is really difficult!