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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to change what i see in the mirror

50 replies

lucyellensmum · 01/08/2008 18:18

because i really don't like the person who looks back at me. Its mostly my looks but also im just soooo tired and old looking.

I can't understand what has happened really - life i guess, but i look at myself and i am seeing an old person . My skin looks dirty, i have wrinkles and excessive facial hair (not PCOS been scanned). Huge shopping trollies under my eyes. Basically i look like someone who has let themselves go - my teeth are terrible. Im not sure when this happened, i used to consider myself good looking but now i think im really quite ugly.

What i can't sometimes understand is how people recognise me. Aquaintances still recognise me and say hello and i don't get that, its not like they can say, ah yes, she is the person with the nice eyes, cute nose, lovely hair. There is nothing distinctive about my face whatsoever - does that make any sense?

My hair, don't even get me started about my hair - its lank, its greasy, its not been cut for over a year - last time i went to the hairdressers it was traumatic to say the least. Young girls laughing and joking, im sure they were laughing at me tbh. Its going to take more than a hair cut to sort this face out.

So - how do i change this? I haven't a clue, and is it worth it

OP posts:

krazykj · 01/08/2008 18:29

i think that just maybe this is just how you see yourself!
stop giving urself such a hard time xx
if you really do feel that way about yourself why dont you give yourself a makeover? nothing major just haircut or colour?
paint your nails etc etc xx

KatieDD · 01/08/2008 18:34

Are you eating sleeping and drinking lots of water, you will be amazed the difference that makes, 10 years younger within a month ;)

mazzystar · 01/08/2008 18:38

its got to be worth it if its making you feel sad and bad about yourself

its probably nothing that a bit of minor maintenance and a change of mindset won't sort

castlesintheair · 01/08/2008 18:39

Can you stick a photo on your profile so I can give you an honest opinion?

I feel like this all the time but I know I see things others don't. Are you having a bad day or is this a permanent feeling?

Ambi · 01/08/2008 18:43

LEM, you could have at least put a piccy up so we see how gorgeous you really are.

Start with a haircut definitely, go to a different salon, maybe a small one in a village with a more personal feel.

Do you pamper yourself? It's easier than you think, just 5 mins in the shower in the morning(sounds a little pervy), you don't have to allocate a whole evening.

Start with a body glove first morning (you can get them in cheap shops) and use your normal shower gel (it's too rough for your face though)and defuzz, Next morning use an intensive conditoner for 3 mins after shampoo whilst that's working stick a face mask on. Day 3 defuzz again, spend 10 mins tidying up your nails, clip and file nails, remove cuticles and put a layer of clear gloss on them, maybe some cuticle oil and lashings of hand cream. Day 4, use a facial scrub instead of your normal soap/cleanser. Day 5, if you have time to do your feet, as before with the nails, maybe use a pumice stone too. These should take 3-5 mins to do things in shower, no more than 10-15 mins for nails. Use a good moiseriser at night and a reflecting cream in the morning.

A touch of bronzing spray every other morning too will help your face glow like you wouldn't believe, it's a light fake tan.

Some good clothes can lift you too.

Ambi · 01/08/2008 18:45

Yes the water too removes the dark circles.

Wow, i've just read that back, makes me sound like a beauty goddess - god I wish I was.

DoubleBluff · 01/08/2008 18:46

what about a mobile hairdresser at home if you don't like going to a salon.?
Go int o boots or debenhams for some free skincare/ make up advice?
And I am sure no one else sees you as you do.
Are you depressed maybe?
Do you exercise? Feeling fit and strong will make you feel morre attractive.
I use veet facial hair wax strips - they are very effective.

Ambi · 01/08/2008 18:47

I've just bought an epicare for the facial hair, not sure how good it'll be, though I'm expecting some pain - I'll let you know how effective.

mazzystar · 01/08/2008 18:48

haircut [get recommendation from someone you know who has great hair, take picture from mag to show what yvu want, be precise and clear with your request, don't leave until happy with it]
get eyebrows done - takes years off and makes you look tidy
exfoliate your skin
drink loads of water to sort out skin in general and eyebags in particular
accept that at 38 you will never look 28 again, but that you can look pretty good nonetheless

Ambi · 01/08/2008 18:49

sorry this is the bronzer

castlesintheair · 01/08/2008 18:51

I hate going to hairdressers too because I find it so time consuming and boring. Last time I went to a barber near my mum. Cost £8 and job done in 15 mins.

Agree with Ambi. I try to do one 5 min 'beauty' thing each day. Exfoliate every day - I use the neutrogena pads for dry sensitive skin - this makes a huge difference.

greenlawn · 01/08/2008 18:53

Most people feel like that sometimes (well they do if they're normal) - but if you feel like that all the time then either (a) you really are a complete and utter state - which frankly I doubt, or (b) you're suffering a complete crisis of confidence which probably has little to do with your looks?

Sorry, I know that sounds horribly harsh - but trust me, I'm no looker, and I don't feel the way you describe. Don't want to come over all Oprah with you, but the things you've described can be fixed with a haircut, change of diet, bit of exercise, visit to the dentist. Is it honestly about that?

charliecat · 01/08/2008 18:57

At least you want to change. I just avoid looking in the mirror

DoubleBluff · 01/08/2008 19:25

aw charlie cat.

rookiemater · 01/08/2008 19:58

Oh Ambi keen to know how you get on with the epicare, I have some chin hairs that I could do with sorting out.

I think having children means you start aging in dog years, certainly I look back on my wedding photos from 3 yrs ago and I look about 10 years younger. But aging is inevitable and whilst I feel its important to make the best of what you have got, if you are constantly comparing yourself to how you looked 5 years ago before you had children, then of course you are going to be disappointed.

You could try to start using your mirror sessions constructively. Sounds crazy but I book that I found helpful suggested stipping off in front of the mirror every night and selecting 2 or 3 things that you really like about yourself and repeating a mantra such as " I have really pert boobs " " I have lovely eyes" " I have nice curvy hips". It forces you to feel more at ease with your body and your looks.

Now I know you are going to say that you can't think of even one thing that you like. But I'm sure you really can.

Finally, and probably contradictory, it strikes me as if you have a bit too much time on your hands for introspection. You seem to be very unhappy about a lot of things at the minute, so perhaps you could focus on something positive for yourself such as going for a 30 minute powerwalk every evening once your DH is back or something.

Good luck

Original poster

lucyellensmum · 01/08/2008 20:14

I DO have great tits rookie .

I am shattered today though, so thats probsbly not helping and my OP was very negative i know. I am a bit lazy when it comes to beauty routines (i don't have one!¬). I don't wear make up since one day abut 15 years ago, my DP said to me "you don't need make up you are beautiful without it" but well, he wouldnt say that wouldnt he. Doesnt anymore though, just tells me i should lose weight .

Thats the thing though, all of my problems aren't quick fix iyswim, all take time - i wan't something to work NOW! I don't have any money though so can't splash out.

Do tell me about the epilator thingy though - facial hair is the scourge of my life. Im afraid i started doing the ultimate taboo and that is i started shaving my chin - so now can't stop. So can't leave long enough for waxing.

What i want is quick fix to make me look, well, human again.

OP posts:

olyoly · 01/08/2008 20:24

I have to agree with others that promote exercise. It makes the biggest difference in your appearance and attitude. During the day, gyms are filled with other moms, so it is a very comfortable environment.

You said that your teeth are terrible? I think that teeth can make a huge difference. Can you visit a dentist and look into fixing them? Perhaps just whitening would help.

When I have felt this way (as all ladies do), I need to do something concrete that gives me a bit of 'control' over my appearance. Do something to make you feel sexy- maybe go for a full waxing - including a crazy brazillian!

What you are feeling is very normal, but just make certain that it isn't deeper. If you are depressed, you need a professional or it will not get better with a simple beauty treatment.

Original poster

lucyellensmum · 01/08/2008 20:32

I am suffering from depression, so that maybe is skewing my opinion but i can't help but wondering if it is all a bit beyond help iyswim

So, for a very short time only, my pictures are on my profile

OP posts:

OrmIrian · 01/08/2008 20:37

Other people don't see what you do LEM. They see you as you are. And that is the whole picture of you. The problem is the internal images we all have of ourselves that never changes while the reality does. I still tend to think of myself either as the girl I was in 1985 or as an ugly old harridan. I am neither of those things. But something in between. And the people who like me think of that as being the real me and they like it.

But if you want to feel better I really would recommend exercise, drinking water and a good haircut - perhaps find a new hairdressers or find someone who will come to you.

charliecat · 01/08/2008 20:47

You look more than fine to me LEM, honestly.

SuperSillyus · 01/08/2008 21:02

I think you look pretty, you have a lovely nose and eyes. your mouth looks sad in the picture and you do look a little tired. so I guess that on a good day when you feel fresh you look gorgeous.

I am the same, not depressed but very tired and little energy to put into my appearance. My mother says I would look good if it wasn't for the big dark shadows!

Original poster

lucyellensmum · 01/08/2008 21:08

thankyou supersillyus - im loving your name! im always knakcered though, its fooling people into thinking im all fresh that is im problem!

OP posts:

DoubleBluff · 01/08/2008 23:02

two words - touche eclat!

themoon66 · 01/08/2008 23:10

You don't look like you need to lose weight in those pics.

You do look a little tired.

I know what you mean about not liking what you see though. I look in the mirror and think 'who is that ugly old hag'

ExterminAitch · 01/08/2008 23:17

you have to find a grown-ups salon, LEM, just start asking your pals where they get done. you'll hear of one, soon enough. no teens.

you look v pretty to me, of course, but if you don't feel it, you don't feel it. the facial hair thing is depressing beyond belief, isn't it? i don't have polycystic ovaries (been scanned) but i DO have polycystic ovarian syndrome, if you can get your head round that. the syndrome is a collection of symptoms, one of which is having cysts on your ovaries, or so it was explained to me by my gynae.

it's so weird, i'm in the range for my blood test but my sister doesn't. however, her ovaries are pitted like the moon. it's a weird syndrome, that's for sure.

i'd go back to the doc if i was you, and ask about metformin. and there is a cream as well, my sister was given it.

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