To want to change what i see in the mirror

[lucyellensmum]

because i really don't like the person who looks back at me. Its mostly my looks but also im just soooo tired and old looking.

I can't understand what has happened really - life i guess, but i look at myself and i am seeing an old person . My skin looks dirty, i have wrinkles and excessive facial hair (not PCOS been scanned). Huge shopping trollies under my eyes. Basically i look like someone who has let themselves go - my teeth are terrible. Im not sure when this happened, i used to consider myself good looking but now i think im really quite ugly.

What i can't sometimes understand is how people recognise me. Aquaintances still recognise me and say hello and i don't get that, its not like they can say, ah yes, she is the person with the nice eyes, cute nose, lovely hair. There is nothing distinctive about my face whatsoever - does that make any sense?

My hair, don't even get me started about my hair - its lank, its greasy, its not been cut for over a year - last time i went to the hairdressers it was traumatic to say the least. Young girls laughing and joking, im sure they were laughing at me tbh. Its going to take more than a hair cut to sort this face out.

So - how do i change this? I haven't a clue, and is it worth it

Oh LEM you are so not alone. I often look in the mirror these days and think, "Blardy hell is that me?" Particularly since I turned 40, I seem to have developed deep wrinkles, mad grey unruly hair, dry AND spotty skin, huge bags under my eyes . . . I could go on.

Now, I know that I can scrub up reasonably well, if I make the effort to have a decent haircut - slap on a bit of make-up and wear some nice clothes. Honestly it is so worth making a bit of effort. You will feel so much better about yourself. v.good suggestions re exercise too. If you are depressed then it is a very good thing to do, could you go for a walk with a friend? It will lighten your spirits and give you a lovely youthful bloom to your cheeks!

Oh and if that doesn't work Touche Eclat and a good scrub with an exfoliator can work wonders.

LEM you look fine to me too! But...as someone said, a quick and dramatic change can work wonders. Go to a hairdressers and get a new 'look'.
If you walk out with a style you like, you'll be spurred on to do something else, and so on and so on.

I'm a serial hairdresser phobe but I've been going to my local blue rinse salon down the road. £12 for a cut and dry and he's really bloomin' good and I leave feeling SO much better. No high street atmosphere and giggles, very relaxing.

Your feelings may be deeper and need more thought, but start with the feel-good aspects and see how you go.

wig xx

I keep hearin the magic words 'touche eclat' I have weary skin too LEM so maybe I should try it. Wonder if I will need a second mortgage though.

My hairdresser is lovely. She spends the entire time telling me how slim I look..... studiously ignoring the bags under my eyes Fine a new one! I always leave feeling wonderful.

Kerry mum, i have NO money! Are you implying that no amount of money would make a difference anyway .

I had a bath and blow dried my hair this morning (never bd my hair dont have time but DP around), put on a bit of mascara and do feel better for it. I can't afford a hair cut just now but will definately put it on my to do list.

what is touche eclat? I bet it costs the earth

not sure. Think it must be some kind of concealer. I was thinking of popping into Boots just to confirm I can't afford it

Yes - it is a but pricey 20 quid or so - however it lasts and lasts and lasts to yes do put it on your shopping list !!

Brilliant stuff.

bit and so ...........

Boots No7 range do a product (radiance something) that does exactly the same as touche eclat at a fraction of the price. I know as I bought it when I forgot to pack half my makeup going to a much younger cousin's wedding (I was obviously feeling the need to hide large suitcases under eyes). To be honest I would probably buy this again instead of the pricier option.

the Boots No7 version of Touche eclat is about £12 and just as good imo. And believe me I've tried them all because without make up I look like I've got two black eyes or I'm some kind of druggie or something!

I've got a way of spending just £1.65 and making yourself feel instantly more attractive - go and buy Heat mag and marvel at the pictures of Amy Winehouse, Ulrika Johnson, Agyness Deyn, Madonna, Mischa Barton and many others looking seriously ropey! And they have endless resources available to them.

Honestly Lucyellensmum, to me you look like a normal 38 year old woman - a bit tired maybe but nothing some slap and a smile won't put right!

If I had to splash out on one nice product it would be Clarins Beauty Flash Balm - but I'm sure there are cheaper out there that would do the same. Evens your skin tone a bit - goes under makeup. Other than that, I honestly think you need to be a bit kinder to yourself - seriously, your description of yourself just does not match your picture.

You look lovely, just a bit tired but don't we all?! As everyone says just make 10 mins a day to pamper yourself and there's no need to spend a fortune. Boots No 7 and Tesco do some very good beauty products. You just need to get into a routine- Monday, eyebrows; Tuesday, fake tan; Wednesday; facemask, etc. Soon it'll seem like no trouble at all.

Everyone who asked about the epicare, I got the cheapy far east version for a fiver off ebay ( for two). They arrived today and definite thumbs up. Its eye watering as an epilator is, but its quicker than tweezing, similar to waxing but reusable and don't need to use a mirror. I just hope the regrowth is slow. Its going on holiday with me anyway.

You look normal to me.

If you are worrying about facial hair you are probably too close to the mirror. And maybe, like me, you have lost your tweezers.
I believe you can now have a course of weekly electrolosis treatments which would zap facial hair for ever.

Beauty has a lot to do with facial expression but the well groomed look starts at the hairdresser.

lem, i thin a good haircut will cheer you and make you look fresher.
often a salons they look for models, its either free or very little. toni and guy are always looking

you have exactly the same things I do facial-aging wise, looking at your picture. The best things I've found are - use a good moisturiser, morning and night (most important), drink plenty of water. Cut out caffeine, reduce alcohol to bare minimum, and as for exercise - cannot rate highly enough - great for mood/health/skin - absolutely bloody marvellous. I'd start with walking - a good hour if you can - do you have the time? or is it possible to fit more walking into your day? I guarentee that if you go for a good walk three times next week you will feel masses better by next weekend.
Local beauty spots/country walks are the best for blowing away cobwebs and generally feeling refreshed mentally and physically.

I tweezer )

Thanks for all the replies. I take it all onboard. So far as walking goes, i walk about 3-5 miles every day, i don't drive so i walk everywhere. It almost cancels itself out as an exercise iyswim. The problem is, the speed at which i walk, with a 3 year old who mostly wants to walk or carrying my mothers shopping back from the shops (an interesting experience, bags tied to everywhere on pushchair and then hanging off me like a christmas tree - you'd think i would be stick thin and full of muscles).

ooo ooo I've just had a good idea . . .

As well as the freebie haircut from the model nights you can get cheap beauty treatments from you local FE college . . . if they do a beauty course try to contact them as I know they used to want models for the girls to practice massage/facials etc on. Also if that fails then try your local beauty concession in a department store, they do a free makeover - be warned tho, you may come out looking a bit FULL-ON . It can be quite a laugh tho.

The walking thing is tricky - at least you are doing some - even if it is slow. 3-5 miles a day is a LOT. Well done.

Don't get too hung up on this though, you look fine, but a bit of concentrating on yourself, rather than constantly giving out to the rest of your family can be a very GOOD THING.

OK. Don't know about LEM but you've all convinced me that I need some touche eclat (or the Boots version anyway). My eye bags are so huge and dark that I am sure they are structural now

But does this just cover up? I want them GONE which is actually probably asking the impossible as shopping trolleys seem to run in my family