To think my brothers girlfriend is just bloody weird?

[bonnibaby]

Went to visit my brother at the weekend with DH and DC.
My brothers girlfriend stayed in the bedroom the whole time,never even came to say hello.
I asked my brother if she was ill or something,he said no, then when i went up to the loo he said to say hello through the door as she was up.
Did this and she said hi back and muttered something about me not wanting to see her today as she had no makeup on and hadnt done her hair...
Just thought it was really rude and a bit strange,theres no history of bad feeling there or anything,we have always got on fine but she is VERY vain,spends a fortune on her looks etc .My mum says she has done this before to her too.
We were there an hour or so so if she had been THAT bothered surely she could have stuck a bit of lippy on...

i think it's a bit harsh to assume she was being rude, there may have been various reasons why she couldn't have come out of the room.
i don't come out to say hello if my inlaws visit (can't really stand them tbh) so just avoid them. had arguments about that with DH, but who cares.
and if i bf, i don't see why i should have to traipse downstairs just to say 'hello'. i can just say 'hello' next time or phone to talk. it's not really a big deal.
people can be so quick to judge, if someone doesn't want to come out their room, then that's their choice. i wouldn't take it personally (had it happen to me and i wouldn't say i was offended just assumed they had other stuff to do).

Just ask your brother about it next chance you get.

quite right, hedgewith. we can't be sociable all of the time!! sometimes we need time away from people to relax or do whatever it is we need/want to do.

Hedgewitch I was going to say something similar to you. Didn't know you had aspergers. Just 'cos someone is a teacher doesn't mean they can't have some form of SN which can make socialising difficult. I've read (don't know if it's true) that lots of people with AS become teachers. (and police officers.)

Really?
You are all extremely kind people.
To me it sounds like extreme bad manners. Maybe I am a bad person after all.

Agree with Stitch - It's just rude. If she didn't want guests she should have said so when op called or even made up an excuse that she wasn't well. No there's no law just manners - at least excuse yourself then everyone understands. TheHedgeWitch, I'm sure you at least say you don't feel like company/not feeling well or something.

no scottish mom
if someone has made the effort to come all the way to your house to visit, then the least you can do is come out of your room and say hello.
its bad manners. it s rude, it shows lack of social awareness, social skills, bad upbringing etc etc, not to. it is not a choice. its manners. not even good ones. just ordinary manners

i dont like my inlaws either. but when they visit, which is extremely rarely fortunately, the get the benefit of my parents upbringing of me. if i didnt come out, then i would be showing off my poor social skills.

you come down, say hello, say you are not feeling well, then go back upstairs again
or you tell your other half to make excuses,
or you ask them to come up to your room because you are unwell
or you use the intercom and make excuses

when you want to show decent behaviour, there are plenty of ways around it. eve n when you are feeling lousy.

intercom?

i wiash i had an intercom.

[oi dh, i've just puked up, get me some ice water pronto mister!]

i'd go for the idea she had a row with db before you arrived.

or possible he did a similar thing to her family. i.e stayed in bed when her family came to visit, and she's returning the gesture.

tbh . . dp and i don't feel the need to roll out the carpet for family visitors. both our families pop by all the time. generally my family have come to see me, not him. so there's no need for my dp to show face. same for his side.

she's maybe just thinking you and your bro will have a fine time without her.

or perhaps did you visit on the only day she gets a lie in??

i wouldn't give up my only lie in for a member of dp family as i see enough of them!

oh well i obviously don't have any social skills, that's me told

Its not necessarily bad manners stitch. Depression and/or anxiety can manifest itself in all sorts of ways, to the point where you just can't face anyone. If you have a partner who doesn't understand (in all fairness, I dont suppose they would if they've never been through it) they may think that a friendly face shoved through your bedroom door might "snap you out of it". But that approach rarely works.

and she may be embarrassed..who wants to say "please dp, tell them i'm too emotionally ill to see them"? Its easier to make excuses.

Or she could just be an arsy cow of course. Who knows?

i agree shybaby, it's not always easy to know what's going on and there may be anxiety or depression issues there.

Oh come on honestly. Whatever the real reason surely her DH could have made some brief excuse then that would be the end of it?
No, it's plain, blank rude. End of.

if she had As or something similar surely OP's brother would have said.

well i hope i never have a depressive episode around some of you lot. Thats one of the reasons i dont tell anyone - i never know what the reaction will be, so strange behaviour may go unexplained. Would it hurt to be charitable until the OPs brother could explain?