Dh wants to know: AIBU or is he? It's about doing the weekly shopping, opinions please!

[WideWebWitch]

Dh and I both work ft oth. We have 2 children. DH drops them both at childcare every morning and collects them both at night.

I commute 4.5 hours each day
We have a cleaner twice a week
We're still both knackered a lot of the time

For ages I have done the weekly online shop. A while ago I asked dh to start doing it 50% of the time. He said "fine, but you'll have to accept that I will do it differently to you. I will actually GO to Tesco instead of shopping online". I said hmm, ok.

We tried it briefly but I got irritated at his going out on a Saturday and taking an hour or more to do the shopping. He would usually (but not always) take dd but not ds.

I think he should do the shopping to my satisfaction, which would involve logging onto Ocado and shopping from favourites. It would mean less time wasted doing a boring chore when he could be here with me and the children.

I don't WANT to have to be the only one who thinks about whether we need olive oil or tuna but I AM atm because I do the shopping. I think this is unfair.

I also think one of hs arguments, which is about "the food we get sent online isn't as good as that I'd chose myself" is spurious since it seems to be good enough if I DO IT and there's Ocado food in the fridge.

So, AIBU? TIA. All opinions welcome.

Yes, I think BK would be very much on your side in this.

Not read thread but yabu. Agree that men do shop differently (HUGE generalisation) and don't seem to think of all the other little things that are needed but, well, if he's doing 50% he can do it his way. I hate shopping online for food so am with him on that.

For the benfit of your cleaners Fresh & Green cleaning stuff is worth a try (no idea how green it is but is endorsed by the WWF & I can vouch for the kitchen degreaser)(have v greasy kitchen )

LOL at this thread, www, your dh is very obedient!
Every week dh takes himself off to LIDL and buys loads of stuff, mainly things that you just "apply heat" and you have a meal, none of this chopping and marinating malarky!
Then 2 days later, I go online to Superquinn ( think Ocado but Irish!) with my menu planner and buy the rest of the weeks shop. We are both happy!

Blu, eek at the tuna, and pleased to hear dp is still running true to form when let near a terminal. Agree that buying strawberries online is never wise. The organic ones always look pre-loved.
Glad you have reached a compromise www...and that we have reeled scummy in again

But I think chipmonkey's alternative solution (LOL at the "apply heat" meals, would that be toast toppers by any chance) could also work

YABU - if you want to spend more time together do the shopping online yourself, you have already commented on how quick and easy it is or let your dh do it how he wants.

I like to shop online as I hate supermarkets, but dh prefers to go to the shop.

Lovesdogs etc - Ocado delivers from a warehouse rather than a store so you have less chance of something on your list being substituted. It's also manhandled by fewer people.

Also (this really surprised me) if you go through mysupermarket.co.uk and compare your trolley of shopping between the 4 main grocery providers, Ocado is actually 2nd cheapest.

I would love to have someone do my shopping for me . Seriously, I never had even with had two small boys in tow. And in those days the online shopping didn't reach my neck of the woods. Now I actually enjoying going - I do it after work and then go home.

TheHedgeWitch, my week consists of

FOUR AND A HALF HOURS A DAY commuting
Plus a ft working week on top of that
Plus dealing with 2 children when I come in
Plus making my packed lunches each day
Plus doing my share of cooking, tidying and dishwasher loading
Plus doing my share of all the other boring crap that life involves, filing bills, organising car MOTS, dealing with school letters, sorting out social life, etc et bloody cetera
please don't assume that I have SPARE time every week, I simply DON'T.

TheHedgeWitch, my week consists of

FOUR AND A HALF HOURS A DAY commuting
Plus a ft working week on top of that
Plus dealing with 2 children when I come in
Plus making my packed lunches each day
Plus doing my share of cooking, tidying and dishwasher loading
Plus doing my share of all the other boring crap that life involves, filing bills, organising car MOTS, dealing with school letters, sorting out social life, etc et bloody cetera
please don't assume that I have SPARE time every week, I simply DON'T.

Can you not sit down together and create a list of what you always want to have in the house (things like olive oil or tuna) and then whichever of you does the shopping can just check against that list?

IMO, as long as he is getting everything needed then yes YABU.

If your not happy with it why dont you do it and your dh can do something else that you do instead? perhaps you could go to the supermarket once a week on your own whilst he has some dad time with the kids or vise versa?
If you say it doesnt take that long to do online (it takes me forever) why dont you continue doing it? "if it aint broke why fix it sort of thing"? He could then something else that needs doing for the half hour or however long it takes you to order it? not everyone thinks alike so your dh might buy different things / not think about getting the cooking oil etc whilst you would. so i do think your being unreasonable for wanting him to do it exactly how you do. Your not being unreasonable about feeling its unfair for you to HAVE to do it every week.

Is your (hideous) commute on the train? Then maybe you could use a laptop and do it on the train, if it matters to you that it is done your way.

Thanks for all these additional comments, all sorted as you can see, lovely dh has agreed that he will do it my way if it's that important to me and I have decided that since he is so wonderful that actually, many of you are right, it's NOT that important and I should chill out and let him do it his way when he does it. I don't think he realised how easy it was on Ocado, he came and looked over my shoulder last night and said "oh, is that all? Ok, I don't mind doing that". So Marina, you were right, he was SCARED of Ocado!

I think YABU, if he is doing the shopping he should do it his way. Would it not be easier for you to continue doing the shopping and for him to take responsibility for something else instead?

He should twang you with some knicker elastic my girl!

YABATBU.

Surprise surprise batters, dh is like this with our main phone too (a little harmless BT thingy like an Adipose with buttons on). He scrolls through it randomly before asking me for advice .
This is, like www's dh, a domesticated, good-hearted man at bottom with a responsible job and complex workload.
I knew he was scared of the website www, don't ask me how!
So glad you are both sorted now www

Of course, www, this would all be solved if you did the right thing and became a SAHM.

If he does the shopping, he should get to make the choices. I think that includes whether to shop online or in person.

If he goes there in person he should take at least one child. If he only takes just over an hour he is FAST. Takes me much longer when I shop in person.

So, from your OP, I say YABU.

YABU.
If you decide to split responsibilities, each ADULT gets to choose how they do the task, you cannot dictate. In tha same way, presumably he isn't insisting that you go to the supermarket on the week's that you do the shopping...

4.5 hours a day commuting? You are clearly mad. In my crystal ball I foresee constant trouble if you try & keep that up.