Dh wants to know: AIBU or is he? It's about doing the weekly shopping, opinions please!

[WideWebWitch]

Dh and I both work ft oth. We have 2 children. DH drops them both at childcare every morning and collects them both at night.

I commute 4.5 hours each day
We have a cleaner twice a week
We're still both knackered a lot of the time

For ages I have done the weekly online shop. A while ago I asked dh to start doing it 50% of the time. He said "fine, but you'll have to accept that I will do it differently to you. I will actually GO to Tesco instead of shopping online". I said hmm, ok.

We tried it briefly but I got irritated at his going out on a Saturday and taking an hour or more to do the shopping. He would usually (but not always) take dd but not ds.

I think he should do the shopping to my satisfaction, which would involve logging onto Ocado and shopping from favourites. It would mean less time wasted doing a boring chore when he could be here with me and the children.

I don't WANT to have to be the only one who thinks about whether we need olive oil or tuna but I AM atm because I do the shopping. I think this is unfair.

I also think one of hs arguments, which is about "the food we get sent online isn't as good as that I'd chose myself" is spurious since it seems to be good enough if I DO IT and there's Ocado food in the fridge.

So, AIBU? TIA. All opinions welcome.

[MsDemeanor]

I absolutely hate online shopping. Nothing is the size I imagined (Giant bottles of shampoo, teeny tiny packets of rice etc) the sites crash and you lose everything or I forget to press the confirm button and only realise after I think I've order 20 items etc. I quite like walking around and seeing what's in and what I fancy. I'd rather walk round Lidl than shop online from Ocado - honestly I would. And I'd be so hacked off if I was nagged about it by my dh.
Take him up on taking the kids and I completely fail to see the problem. I don't even mind going with the children as we go to Starbucks afterwards and eat cake.

[2luvlyboys]

YABU. I've just started shopping online because I can't stand shopping with 2 small children in tow. My husband would never do that he would hate it even get in a muddle and really frustrated so he shops in the evening when the kids are in bed. Personally I can think of plenty of other ways I would rather spend my evenings. Does that make him unreasonable? No just different from me! And whats wrong with that? Abolutely nothing!!

[WideWebWitch]

Mr WWW here, just wanted to mention a few facts that dw didn't mention.

fact 1. I don't mind shopping online, point is I can't get online because dw uses the pc so much ;)

fact 2. the shops are only 5 min away and I offer to go in the evening when the children are in bed.

fact 3. I will end up shopping online if dw really wants me too because I do really love her, it just became a debate about principles. I actually agree that this is a boring chore and we should find the easiest, most stress free solution.

[scanner]

don't think you can win us around with your facts Mr WWW, just do it properly.

[Niecie]

YABU - let the man do it his way.

That said, it does depend on what he would be doing instead and when you expect him to do the on-line shopping.

Perhaps he doesn't fancy doing it in the evening. Perhaps he would be out and about on a Saturday morning rather than being stuck in front of a screen.

I would rather go to the shop too and chose my own stuff. I have done on-line shopping and generally the stuff is OK but I could have done better - longer sell-by dates, fresher produce etc.

If you want the guy to do it, trust him to do it and let him get on with it. Don't treat him like a toddler.

[WideWebWitch]

Sorry forgot to mention, I'm happy to shop at waitrose (I also prefer it to tesco) its walking distance from our house.

Mr wwww

[WideWebWitch]

Bab, bad BIL cod, sorry to hear that.

Ah, bless at dh, I went and watched crap Dispatches on sandwiches while he typed that, he is slow typist

[Marina]

[WideWebWitch]

lol Marina! I was a bit scared dh was going to post something unflattering about me there, I won't be letting him loose with my logon too often, I can tell you!

[pooka]

Just do it online.

Love cod's "make up with feet" analogy. That's exactly what this smacks of.

With favourites, shop can take as little as 10mins online. Or even less.

[elmoandella]

not read it all.

but you said you wanted opinions.

yes, you abu. he's doing what you asked. helping out with the shop. he's entitled to do it his way. AND he takes one of kids with him. shopping with the kids is no easy chore.

in his book he's giving you a bit of peace from 1 of kids and doing one of the chores.1 hour is pretty quick in my book.i would say he's trying to please you and not getting anywhere.

rather than thining about what you need. write it on a list on fridge. then as soon as its there you can stop thinking about it. that way he wont forget anything either.

if it's so easy to order online. do it yourself.

[ScummyMummy]

is bottarga that crumbly dried cod stuff that b has been urging me to buy even though aldi and lidl don't seem to sell it?

[WideWebWitch]

You are all lovely, even those of you who think IABU! Thank you, and I think those posts from him constitute more or less a PUBLIC climbdown , so that's what I call a result!

[Marina]

Yes scummy
Dh likes to cop a feel of an obscure foodstuff whenever he can escape

[ScummyMummy]

it is indeed a result!

[WideWebWitch]

Have just looked bottarga up as have never heard of it before, what's it like Marina, looks like chorizo.

[WideWebWitch]

ah, no tis mullet roe!

[ScummyMummy]

I had it in a restaurant once and it was truly yum so I can see where your dh is coming from, marina!

[Marina]

Chorizo crossed with bombay duck
Costly and salty

[Marina]

[edam]

at Mr WWW and his slow typing.

You know I'm very fond of you, WWW, but I'm afraid I'll have to let you down here. Sorry. As long as dh actually does the shopping properly, so there is something to cook for dinner and you don't run out of washing up liquid/loo roll/any of the other things that people who want to get out of a boring job mysteriously forget, I think you should let him do it his way.

Oh, and on condition he takes at least one child or does it when they are in bed (properly asleep and not requiring your attention). And isn't picking a time that will be particularly irritating, like right before you are due to meet a friend or something. (Dh sauntered in this afternoon just as I was about to call an effing cab to pick ds up from his holiday club...)

[Quattrocento]

Not read the whole thread, just the OP, and it sounds as though your domestic situation is very very similar to ours.

The thing is, if you do a job around the house, you have to be allowed to get on with it in your own way, providing the task is completed satisfactorily.

So the OP shops online and her DH prefers to go to the shop. Both solutions are fine, are they not? Let him get on with it in his own way. Wouldn't you be annoyed if he started saying that you weren't shopping satisfactorily?

[beanieb]

You mentioned the difference inwage between the two of you - it's obviously relevant to you.

Why is it you resent his way of doing it so much?

Would it be better for him to spend half an hour on the internet and the other half with you or is it really just as petty as you not liking the food he buys?

[MsDemeanor]

I think I must be a man - certainly compared to the Mumsnet Majority. I don't like shopping online. Would rather look at my food before I buy it. I often run out of washing up liquid and loo roll. Life rolls on regardless

[ScummyMummy]

I was just thinking that I am worryingly haphazardly dh-like too, ms d. Despite my womanly curves.