Dh wants to know: AIBU or is he? It's about doing the weekly shopping, opinions please!

[WideWebWitch]

Dh and I both work ft oth. We have 2 children. DH drops them both at childcare every morning and collects them both at night.

I commute 4.5 hours each day
We have a cleaner twice a week
We're still both knackered a lot of the time

For ages I have done the weekly online shop. A while ago I asked dh to start doing it 50% of the time. He said "fine, but you'll have to accept that I will do it differently to you. I will actually GO to Tesco instead of shopping online". I said hmm, ok.

We tried it briefly but I got irritated at his going out on a Saturday and taking an hour or more to do the shopping. He would usually (but not always) take dd but not ds.

I think he should do the shopping to my satisfaction, which would involve logging onto Ocado and shopping from favourites. It would mean less time wasted doing a boring chore when he could be here with me and the children.

I don't WANT to have to be the only one who thinks about whether we need olive oil or tuna but I AM atm because I do the shopping. I think this is unfair.

I also think one of hs arguments, which is about "the food we get sent online isn't as good as that I'd chose myself" is spurious since it seems to be good enough if I DO IT and there's Ocado food in the fridge.

So, AIBU? TIA. All opinions welcome.

[WideWebWitch]

pooka, am also susp minded harpy
MArina, I just told him plenty of people are telling me IABU and he's now saying "how many?"

[pooka]

Ah now, if both children in the equation, or an evening (after they are in bed and asleep), then a whole different matter.

[pinkspottywellies]

Do you insist he does everything your way? I don't like the way dh reads to dd - too fast and doesn't ennunciate clearly - but I wouldn't demand that he do it the same way as me. DH cleans about twice as fast as I do. He couldn't make me do it his way, I just do it, and we're different.

I think YAB very U.

[ScummyMummy]

I'm with him on this one (though feel guilty! Sorry www). I'm no good at having to do a task in someone else's way. I think 50/50 shopping is absolutely reasonable but only if you are both happy to accept it done each others' way. I think it's nice to have a bit of time separately with just one kid too so also wouldn't mind the time out of the Saturday morning.

[Marina]

Tell him it is not quantity of naysayers but quality

[Marina]

scummy! You hardly post on here these days and have the brass neck to come and stab an old sister in the back...how are you, you invariably reasonable woman?

[WideWebWitch]

No, no, I don't insist on EVERYTHING my way, really.

Don't care how children are fed as long as they are
Don't care about how clothes are washed, hung ouyt etc
how beds are changed

[FluffyMummy123]

Message withdrawn

[WideWebWitch]

Hmm, so is this 50% IABU and 50 He IBU?

I am very unreasonable plenty of the time, perfectly prepared to accept that I might be now

Would like bossykate's view... (because she may agree with me )

[nooka]

I usually shop online, dh usually goes in person. Or he drops me off at the supermarket and picks me up later. This is to try to persuade me to drive though. We do the list together, and he is just as good as remembering stuff as I am. We both forget things, they just tend to be different things!

[FluffyMummy123]

Message withdrawn

[serenity]

Arghhhhhh

I really want to say YANBU, WWW but I can't.

It's up to him how he does it (with the same provisos as CMOTD I must add)

You do it your way, he does it his way - neither is better it's just different. His 'arguements' are by the by, he shouldn't really have to justify himself.

I do have to agree with TheFallenMadonna, regarding responsibilities - is there something he could take total control of, to free up your time?

[WideWebWitch]

dh says Scummy is cool

[FluffyMummy123]

Message withdrawn

[pooka]

Though god knows why he would prefer to slog round the shops accompanied by 2 children when could do shop from home.

Also, am thinking that I would still find it a really odd way of doing things. And what if the weekend he is responsible for the shopping, you have something planned as a family. When would he do it then?

I do sound like a complete hag, don't I? But I would be irritated by his way. Probably irrationally so.

[Marina]

You have me, pooka, cod and probably bk if she were online.
Looking good for you IMO

[FluffyMummy123]

Message withdrawn

[scanner]

www - you are absolutely right he IS and adult and absolutely shouldn't have to be told what is needed.... however. As I said a couple of days ago on a different thread you have to think of dh's like toddlers, there are some things that they simply aren't capable of doing and it's not fair to expect them. Shopping properly is one of them, think of it as potty training, once he's got it cracked you'll never look back.

[pamelat]

I really enjoy going food shopping (which I appreciate is incredibly sad).

I think its reasonable of him to do his turn his own way.

However, I would take him up on the taking both children - and book in for an indian head massage or similar! You are saving £'s on delivery (I would argue) and use that for time out.

[ScummyMummy]

I know, marina, the guilt the guilt. I'm fine! How are you?

Thanks, Mr www!

[TheFallenMadonna]

I didn't say whether you are BU or not because I need more information...

DH and I are in negotiation currently about what will happen when I go back to work FT (soon, hurrah!). We are planning our systems (DH reckons that MBA has to come in useful somewhere ).

[FluffyMummy123]

Message withdrawn

[FluffyMummy123]

Message withdrawn

[ScummyMummy]

bad bil, cod.

Cod! there's no reason to make mr www shop online just because your bil is a twat. Sorry to hear about that. Your poor sister.

[MsDemeanor]

I absolutely hate online shopping. Nothing is the size I imagined (Giant bottles of shampoo, teeny tiny packets of rice etc) the sites crash and you lose everything or I forget to press the confirm button and only realise after I think I've order 20 items etc. I quite like walking around and seeing what's in and what I fancy. I'd rather walk round Lidl than shop online from Ocado - honestly I would. And I'd be so hacked off if I was nagged about it by my dh.
Take him up on taking the kids and I completely fail to see the problem. I don't even mind going with the children as we go to Starbucks afterwards and eat cake.