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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

That he has done this?

28 replies

fifibella · 21/07/2008 17:21

Just been on internet browsing friends reunited and noticed that FIL has put 3 photos of dd (she's 2) on his home page and a video of her. He hasn't asked permission. Do you think I'm being unreasonable.

OP posts:

MrsTiddles · 21/07/2008 17:27

YANBU get him to remove them immediately

meemar · 21/07/2008 17:31

Personally it wouldn't bother me.

I think it's become the expected norm now that you have to get permission from parents to show anyone a photo of their child. So if people don't ask permission then parents tend to feel slighted.

I tend to think that that before feeling upset about it, it's worth thinking about why you don't want people looking at a photo of your dd. What actual harm can it do? At the end of the day it's just an image, and strangers see her in the flesh every day.

Out of interest, what would you have said if he asked first?

Love2bake · 21/07/2008 17:36

YANBU

He should ask first.

jimjamshaslefttheyurt · 21/07/2008 17:41

He sounds proud of her.

It probably didn't occur to him that he needed permission to show photos or videos of his grandchild.

Is it worth upsetting him about?

hertsnessex · 21/07/2008 17:57

why ask him to remove them?

kerryk · 21/07/2008 17:59

my dad would do this because he is so proud of his gc (he keeps a picture of them in his wallet that he shows to all his clients etc), and he would be relly hurt and upset if i asked him to remove it.

infact i would also find it really sweet, cant see how this would be a problem really!! unless she is naked in them?

LongLiveGreenElizabeth · 21/07/2008 18:01

Wouldn't bother me either. Some people over react to this kind of thing though.

There is NO way your daughter can be harmed by this. Your FIL is proud of her. The only people who'll see the pictures of her are people who are interested in what your FIL is up to these days.

Sickening and upsetting as this horrid truth is, if it's paedophiles you're worrying about, they don't get their kicks from Friends Reunited. I don't want to have to type this, but there are awful sites for paedophiles.

I think your FIL would need permission to take your children to the zoo, or get their hair cut or something. But a photo (he took presumably) is his actually. She is your daughter but she is his granddaughter. Nobody owns her really.

PaulineMole1 · 21/07/2008 18:02

YABU a litte .... he sounds very proud of her .

LongLiveGreenElizabeth · 21/07/2008 18:02

My X mil probably does this on Friends Reunited and even though I can't stand the mad, cantankerous ol' biddy, I know that she is just pround of her gc and that no harm can come of it.

Ewe · 21/07/2008 18:02

YABU - what is the problem?

Original poster

fifibella · 21/07/2008 18:07

I was only saying to DH a few weeks ago about how I wouldn't want photos of dd on the internet. This was before I saw these. DH doesn't know about the photos i have seen, and if he has seen them he hasn't said anything to me about it.

I don't want to particularly upset FIL but he obviously hasn't thought about how I might feel about it. To be honest I am annoyed.

I know it seems to be the done thing nowadays to have photos on the internet but I still think he should have asked first, and I probably would have said no. (Thats probably why he didn't ask).

OP posts:

LongLiveGreenElizabeth · 21/07/2008 18:12

Very good point that strangers see her in the flesh every day.

I suppose you could put a blanket over her head as you go around town though.

The permission thing irks me. YABU. She's not your product that you have copyright over.

NotQuiteCockney · 21/07/2008 18:16

He probably didn't realise you'd be bothered.

I just don't get the problem with photos of one's kids being online ...

TheFallenMadonna · 21/07/2008 18:18

May I ask why you would have said no?

LongLiveGreenElizabeth · 21/07/2008 18:22

Yes, ask yourself, do you object because you are upset that don't have total control over her/her image, or is it because you are genuinely concerned that a paedophile might derive some satisfaction from browsing your FIL's profile?

That comment is honestly not intended to be unkind or snippy. I just think you should ask yourself that question and really think about how you feel.

elmoandella · 21/07/2008 18:34

i'm sorry? whats the problem? are your kids naked in the bath or something in the pictures?

if they're just normal pictures then whats the issue?

they're also his gc. not saying he has rights. but he's obviously proud as punch and thinks you have made some gorgeous lo's.

is friends reunited similar to bebo, in the way that only "friends" can view your profile?

redorwhite · 21/07/2008 18:36

Would you feel the same if it was your Mum/Dad rather than FIL?

Just seems to be a granddad proud of his GC - probably did not even occur to him to ask. Would you also say he cannot show pics to friends/acquintances when he meets them?

branflake81 · 21/07/2008 18:37

do not understand the problem at all.

YABU.

kslatts · 21/07/2008 18:42

I think YABU, if he was showing the photo's to his friends rather than posting them on the website would you have a problem. I am assuming it is only his friends that can view them.

Onestonetogo · 21/07/2008 18:42

Message withdrawn

TheFallenMadonna · 21/07/2008 18:50

Can I ask you why?

Original poster

fifibella · 21/07/2008 18:53

You can control who sees the photos but he has allowed anyone to see them, I've just checked.

OP posts:

upsidedownupsidedown · 21/07/2008 18:55

Just ask him to change who can see the photo's, will he do that?

Original poster

fifibella · 21/07/2008 18:58

If I wanted photos of her on the internet then I feel that it should be myself or dh who puts them on. I just don't like the idea of anyone being able to see photos of her. Another strange thing is that although he has taken hundreds of photos of her he hasn't one single one of her on show in the house.

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Original poster

fifibella · 21/07/2008 19:00

upsidedownupsidedown I think that may be the best idea.

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