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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

for saying NO to disney princess and Bratz

62 replies

knockedup · 20/07/2008 11:31

I've just really insulted my MIL but I really don't think I'm being unreasonable.....or am I?

DD is 2.5. Her cousin is a year older. MIL buys the girls exactly the same thing for birthdays and christmas. It's what she did with her own children and what she does with me and 2 SIL's, her sons. I't wierd we all get the same thing! Anyway, my DD gets whatever older cousin wants except they're 2 complete opposites and it's really starting to annoy me.

My DD is a tomboy. A jeans and t-shirt kind of girl who loves running about and scrapping in the park mainly with boys! She is in touch with her feminine side too but not in a prissy girly way.

Her cousin is hugely into disney princess, baby alive and Bratz! she is always dressed up in a princess dress. Fine but I feel MIL is wasting her money buying my DD all this crap as she just isn't interested in it and I really don't want her to be.

Anyway - she turned up yesterday with a Jasmine top from Disney princess which is basically a boob tube with puff sleeves because her older cousin's got one and I said very nicely that I was really grateful for all the lovely clothes and hand me downs we've had recently but I didn't think this top is age appropriate for a 2.5 year old.

My MIL looked totally insulted and tried to dismiss me as being over the top and that 'it'll not do her any harm' so feeling bad I relented and said she can have it for dress up but I hate it now (maybe I'm over reacting) Can't she just look at my DD for who she is and buy her a blimming board game or colouring books or something that she's going to use and like, and not what she thinks girls should like.

Or am I wasting my time trying to prevent my DD becoming a Bratz girl?

OP posts:
HappyMummyOfOne · 20/07/2008 13:33

"look, thanks very much but DD is not into what her cousins into - she's into.....' and give her a list of things she can buy DD for Christmas/birthdays"

I'd be gutted if somebody said that to me, plus I dont like lists unless I actually ask for ideas.

Let you MIL pick her own presents, drop hints by all means but to be so rude as to say her gift is wrong is hurtful and not a good example to set to children.

Original poster
knockedup · 20/07/2008 13:40

Maybe I'm a snob but Boob tubes on 2 year olds make me cringe. As beachwear then yes maybe, but why would her whole torso need to be on show going down the high street? TACKY sorry!

OP posts:
mrsruffallo · 20/07/2008 13:44

I would never permit ant Bratz merchandise in my home.
I used to feel the same about Disney Princess but as DD has got older she loves the fantasy aspect of princesses and adores dressing up so we have ended up with a couple of costumes.
It's not her only interest by far.

I do think your dd is a bit young for all of this though.

dingdong05 · 20/07/2008 13:48

Wasn't there a shop who brought out thongs for small children? Isn't there a pole dancing kit for children?
I ask because of the discussions around age appropriate boob tubes. Just because someone has made it safe for a 2.5 year old doesn't mean its appropriate.
"They" or "the powers that be" do not always know what they are talking about, and their heads can often be found in small smelly places.

juuule · 20/07/2008 13:49

"boob tube with puff sleeves"
not just a boob tube.

nkf · 20/07/2008 13:49

I'm finding it hard to picture.

Original poster
knockedup · 20/07/2008 13:49

My mum always checks with me first before spending a lot of money on something for DD's birthday/christmas

I always ask what DD's cousin wants as a main pressie.

MIL has never ever checked with me first if DD actually likes something and just keeps getting it so wrong! I just find it a bit wierd that's all....to keep assuming a child is a certain way, forcing her ideals of what little girls should like on to her.

OP posts:
nkf · 20/07/2008 13:52

It certainly is a bit weird but that wasn't what you asked. You asked if it was unreasonable to say no. I think there may well be ways of encouraging her to buy better presents but this way, you've offended her and then accepted the gift eluctantly and it's not (I would suggest) the best way to deal with it.

scrappydappydoo · 20/07/2008 14:07

yanbu - to take a different pov - why does it have to be what the older girl wants - how is that going to make your dd feel when she is older? that her interests aren't as important or 'right' as her cousins?? I think you need to address it now - maybe arrange for your mil to spend time with dd so that she can see for herself what shes into and likes doing. Or rather than send a list I use other opportunities to say what she would like - 'oh yes dd LOVES colouring we ALWAYS need more colouring books' (hint, hint, hint)

I agree with bratz stuff though - dd1 is the same age - everytime we're with either grandmas and we see bratz stuff dh says (jokingly) if you ever buy that stuff for dd1 you we won't come and visit!

Original poster
knockedup · 20/07/2008 14:09

Sorry HMO1 - I didn't actually mean that I would give her a list of presents she should buy my DD. That sounds repulsive!

I know I said list but I just meant giving her ideas for 1 or 2 presents.

NFK - you're right. I think I probably was wrong to handle it this way, but it has been building up for quite a while now - I honestly thought she was taking the piss!

Still - she's thick skinned, she'll survive - my MIL wore a long white dress to my wedding by the way - I'm STILL not over that one and it was 6 years ago! Totally off topic but family resentments and tensions and all that

OP posts:
littleducks · 20/07/2008 14:12

does the op mean a top similar to [ disneystore-shopping.disney.co.uk/details/30800/0/0/Princess-Jasmine-Ladies-Costume.aspx this] in which case boob tube with puffy sleeves is a good description

littleducks · 20/07/2008 14:15

here sorry

combustiblelemon · 20/07/2008 14:15

this?

combustiblelemon · 20/07/2008 14:16

Sorry littleducks

Original poster
knockedup · 20/07/2008 14:19

That's exactly what it's like except it's a cheap market copy, not proper disney store. It's pink and it's a flipping belly dancing outfit!

OP posts:
littleducks · 20/07/2008 14:22

perhaps it should be noted that the disney store only make it in adult sizes, maybe they did more market research!

my dd is two, i might tolerate her dressing up in it but something like that is not clothes, for a toddler

is there a particular show, character or something your dd loves so you could perhaps persuade mil to buy within that 'theme'

SSSandy2 · 20/07/2008 14:26

Think I would accept a gift with good grace rather than hurt her feelings but my dd is like yours and wouldn't be seen dead in a princess outfit and would never play with a doll, ever so all those gifts would just go to waste in our home.

I would not comment on her (the MIL's taste) but I would say something like how lovely those things are she buys and it is a shame that dd is not a girly type. I would suggest before she buys anything something my dd would actually like - lego or a tshirt with a dragon on it etc. I can see the problem htough if her idea of being fair is to always get people the same things.

Roskva · 20/07/2008 14:26

My best mate is convinced she became a tomboy in rebellion against her mum dressing her in frilly girly things, identically to her younger sister

I do understand where you are coming from, though, because I dislike merchandise clothing generally, and hate seeing small children dressed as miniature teenagers or worse.

My Mum keeps buying pretty little dresses for my 2 year old dd, despite my hints that I prefer things that are easy to wash and preferably don't need ironing, because dd is a mucky little minx and usually needs a change of clothes after lunch or by tea time. Dd wears them when Mum's around, and to be fair, Mum does iron the things for me.

YANBU to tell your MIL that what is appropriate for her elder granddaughter is not necessarily appropriate for your dd - there is a big difference in small children a year apart in age. Also, your dd is not a mini version of her cousin, she is a person in her own right, and what she likes is equally valid.

juuule · 20/07/2008 14:31

One of my dd would have loved to have dressed up in something like that. She did have a ballerina tutu and tights that she loved. However as she was always trying to keep up with her brothers, climbing fences etc so the tights and the tutu soon ended up with 'decorative' holes.

ahundredtimes · 20/07/2008 14:38

I think you should hurt her feelings and spell it out. She's not taking your feelings into any great account is she?

It is absurd to keep accepting thoughtless presents, why should you?

I'd say 'she doesn't really like this sort of stuff, even though i know X does. I tell you what she'd love - xyz'

Why shouldn't you? I would. Actually, I have.

mrz · 20/07/2008 14:54

Dare I confess my daughter had this one when she was around 7? for dressing up
www.costumecraze.com/DISM53.html (it came from the Disney store)

tootyflooty · 20/07/2008 14:54

My MIL used to do exactly the same, thing, except that went for the adults as well, we just used to laugh about it privately, the day she started handing over a cheque instead was great, we now use the joint christmas cheque for a family trip to the cinema, theatre or meal. We tell her the kids (now 10 and 17 ) enjoy cash as they can choose what they like.If this isn't an option, keep labels on and change the tuff without telling her.I vow never to be that kind of a MIL

mrz · 20/07/2008 14:55

www.costumecraze.com/DISM53.html ooops

TinkerBellesMum · 20/07/2008 15:03

YANBU, just asked OH what he thinks (not told him context of the thread) and he said "no, she's too young".

I agree with Hannah81 on everything she's said and Vilbeet.

Also agree with donnie, don't mind the princesses, but don't like Bratz! It's far too sexualised, I didn't notice until I had my own daughter, had even bought stuff for my niece who's mad on them. I suspect though your objection is because it's not your daughter.

I'm just glad Tink is about the size of a child half her age and I don't have to worry about slutty clothes for awhile, but then our families wouldn't buy them anyway, I don't think.

How about producing a wish list before birthdays/Christmas? It doesn't have to be specific with Argos cat numbers, you could just say:

Clothes: x size
Favourite colours: blue, green, purple
Favourite books: anything by x, but has xyz
Favourite character:

Hannah81 · 20/07/2008 15:08

Oh - a good idea is to buy an extra argos catalogue and cut out pictures of items that you think are age appropriate and things your dd would like and get your dd to stick them on to her wishlist and show your mil - at least its fun for your dd to do and your mil can see some arts/crafts that your dd has done too.