To wonder if SIL's smoking is the cause of this?

[Flossish]

Her DD is 5 months old and has been in hospital with croup. Her eldest used to have this and athsma, but mirculously improved when she gave up smoking when pregnant. Now she has started again as an 'appetite suppressant' and within weeks her DD has exactly the same problems.

Yup have basically come to that conclusion overnight with quite a lot of thinking.

We'd stopped meeting for a while after I fell out with MIL and recently she has been trying make everything 'right' between mil and i again, which tbh it never was and never will be again. I hoped that we might be able to get along just by not discussing MIL, but there are too many issues there. A lot of lies and exaggeration and competitiveness on her part and a large part of resentment on mine mainly for the fact that i believe she got pregnant on purpose both times and the fact that my children come last compared to hers with the PIL. Which again logically shouldn't be a problem as MIL is a deeply unpleasant lady who i don't particularly want to have a close relationship with my DC and yet still is hurtful.

My greatest goal in life is not to be anything like MIL so being unpleasant is not something I want to be and therefore I have to take myself away from what is making me to be so.

Oh and it is probably also important to add that SIL's daughter was home settled and comfy at tea time last night having spent the day in a childrens ward awaiting review.

Now if anyone has any spare sleep I could borrow before I go to work this afternoon I would much appreciate it!

i dont smoke and my dd1 had croup so its not always the case but i do wonder how parents who do smoke/drink when pregnant etc can live with the guilt if something does go wrong which may have been there fault.

i nearly lost dd1 at 10 weeks pregnant, the bleeding was so heavy that i had to be taken to hospital and kept in for the night before being scanned in the morning. i was convinced we had lost her and spent the whole night sobbing wondering what i had done wrong. i cant imagine how much worse i would have felt had i done something that i knew may have harmed her.

I think the gossipng about what you may have done is wrose, a woman where I work was pg, she drank and smoked, the baby was stillborn (cord around neck) and people whisper and wonder whether it was related to the drinking and smoking.
I think it is really sad I dont know the woman, she left before I started, but how awful to not only be running it through in your head, but to know others are talking about it as well.