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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect DH to sell his precious motor bike?

65 replies

landj · 19/07/2008 11:57

We are struggling with money. He has a 4 GRAND motor bike sitting in garage, under blankets, used at the weekends. WE can barely pay the bloody rent but he is refusing point blank to sell the thing! "Its the one thing I have thats mine..." Lucky him to have one thing!! Shouldnt he sell it to help us cope?

OP posts:

belgo · 19/07/2008 11:59

But would you get 4 grand if you sold it?

Would that be a realistic long term solution to your financial problems?

Alambil · 19/07/2008 12:00

what bike is it? They don't sell for what you paid for them - my dad's bike, hardly used, brilliant nick wouldn't fetch £2k because of its age and because bikes depreciate so fast

Original poster

landj · 19/07/2008 12:04

He was offered 4 grand trade in last week. Long term financial problems? Who knows? But I get so fed up with our lack of cash being my fault (I spend too much at Tesco apparently) when he can have his luxuries.

OP posts:

Alambil · 19/07/2008 12:07

I agree - why does he have it if you're so strapped for cash? especially when it's not used for commuting - it is JUST for fun?

YANBU!

Original poster

landj · 19/07/2008 12:17

Yep, just for fun. Basically, when him and ex divorced, he bought a bike with money from house sale. So he has always had a bike for as long as I've known him. Every couple of years he has traded it in for a better one. Never been a problem before but he was made redundant 2 years ago, and self employed ever since. Now have 2 kids, and I really think the time for treats has gone.

OP posts:

milknosugar · 19/07/2008 12:36

if the problem was repaying debts and the bike would pay them off i would say yes, but it sounds like your day to day finances are the problem and you need to focus on living within your means or finding extra reliable cash to sort things properly.

once the bike money has gone you will be back in this situation again so long term it solves nothing. if he has treats you should also have them, but something you already have prob wouldnt count for me. the money spent on petrol, insurance, tax would count as thats extra expense, the bike isnt really costing anything on its own. wouldnt be happy if he spent more to get a new one.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 19/07/2008 13:11

As an ex-biker myself, I can only say that your relationship with your bike isn't anything like the way you feel about a car. A car is transport, it's kids to school and hauling the weekly shop. Your bike is about more than that, and it does matter more.

If he wasn't riding it at all, I'd say let it go, but if he's still out and about at the weekends (and you're not begrudging the time) it's something he needs to do. He would be deeply unhappy to lose it and it could cause more rows if he resents you making him give it up.

Would a cheaper bike do as a compromise?

lizziemun · 19/07/2008 13:25

Sorry but OldLadyKnowsNothing i don't agree with you.

You cannot afford to keep a 4 grand Bike if your family can not afford the rent to keep a roof over your head.

That is selfish to put your wants before your wife and children.

Uriel · 19/07/2008 13:49

He was offered a 4 grand trade in - you say. That doesn't mean he'd get 4 grand just by selling it without buying another bike.

I agree with OldLadyKnowsNothing about the importance of the bike.

Original poster

landj · 19/07/2008 13:51

Oldlady, you sound just like him. Apparently, it isnt just about having a bike. He likens it to him telling me to get rid of all my books and to never read another book again. Apparently its "part of him".....

OP posts:

Uriel · 19/07/2008 13:53

It is like that, landj, to a biker.

Original poster

landj · 19/07/2008 13:56

Dont get me wrong, I lurve going pillion, so I do kind of understand. (Its the whole cool rider Grease 2 thing). But we have a huge loan which is crippling us, and just a couple of grand would help us reduce payments.

OP posts:

ThatBigGermanPrison · 19/07/2008 13:57

It isn't just a bike. It symbolises youth, freedom and all that goes with it. Talk to him about trading for a cheaper one but you may find he digs his heels in at that too.

A bike is not a car, a bike is not something you share with your children, a bike is yours and yours alone.

Do you have pets? Because that is almost what a motorbike is. I cried for WEEKS when mine was stolen. Yes, I fucking cried. And not because of the money - because I couldn't bear to think of my bike being trahsed by shitty little hooligans.

YOu get attached to them in a way that just doesn't happen with cars.

ThatBigGermanPrison · 19/07/2008 13:58

If you are financially crippled, he is selfish to keep it, but he might just decide he'd rather have the bike and the loan.

Original poster

landj · 19/07/2008 14:03

Wow, I thought it was just him being soppy over his bike! Its his wallpaper on his mobile, his screen saver on the pc, its under a bloody blanket FFS! I often said that given the choice he would have the bike in bed and me in the garage. We went on honeymoon last year and he arranged for his mate to pop round and check on it. He says he would be lost without it.

OP posts:

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 19/07/2008 14:11

Oh, you can't make him give it up then. (And I have a vast collecton of books, too. ) Is there anything else you could sell? Could one of you take on a part-time job on top of current commitments?

Original poster

landj · 19/07/2008 14:25

Im thinking a kidney? His maybe? And Im not taking on another job just so he can keep the bike!!! He goes on ebay to find other bikes like his, just so he can nudge me with "Its not as nice as mine is it?" But I do get to watch "Long Way Down" and drool over Ewan so I suppose there are bonuses!

OP posts:

Oblomov · 19/07/2008 14:43

Milk no sugar makes a very valid point. You are not addressing the real issues here. You daily/ weekly outgoings are more thna your incoming.
If he sells bike, it will be spent on daily living. Nothing to show for it and you will be in this same situation again soon.
I would resent selling aswell. I wouldn't mind, if I knew the fundamental problem , that had given rise to this, had been addressed.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 19/07/2008 14:44

A kidney would be reasonable.

itati · 19/07/2008 14:44

Yes, a bike can mean XYZ but there comes a time when your children have to come first and if money is so tight the rent is a problem then compromises need to be made.

Original poster

landj · 19/07/2008 14:47

Thank you itati, my point exactly. Sorry kids, second hand school uniform this year because daddy needs new tyres for his bike.

OP posts:

Oblomov · 19/07/2008 14:54

Itati, yes agreed, kids/rent/etc comes first.
BUT the bike is not that compromise that is needed.
If their basic finances were sorted, dh wouldn't need to sell his bike.

palaver · 19/07/2008 14:55

op has stated that they could reduce loan payments if the bike was sold - I think he should sell it and it would help their daily situation

ThatBigGermanPrison · 19/07/2008 14:59

landj, have you put it to him like that? That you are prepared to tell all his friends and relatives that you have had to scrounge in Oxfam's reject bins for school shoes because he won't sell his bike to shift the loan?

itati · 19/07/2008 15:07

I appreictae that, Oblomov. But if they are in a situation where they are about the be evicted for non payment of rent, then the bike will bring in some instant money.

My DH has a hobby item he could sell and get a few thousand for, so I do understand the pull, but the difference is he has offered to sell it rather than me selling my wedding dress when we have been short of money.

BTW I have some outgrown uniform if it will help.

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