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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect DH to sell his precious motor bike?

65 replies

landj · 19/07/2008 11:57

We are struggling with money. He has a 4 GRAND motor bike sitting in garage, under blankets, used at the weekends. WE can barely pay the bloody rent but he is refusing point blank to sell the thing! "Its the one thing I have thats mine..." Lucky him to have one thing!! Shouldnt he sell it to help us cope?

OP posts:

Oblomov · 19/07/2008 15:17

Sorry, missed post about loan.

Original poster

landj · 19/07/2008 15:18

We are struggling through, but in the way that everyone is at the moment. I have sold all the junk in car boot sales. I would gladly seel my wedding dress but it got a bit torn. and muddy. Dont ask. But itati, you said it exactly. Its a HOBBY. Not a way of life.

OP posts:

wannaBe · 19/07/2008 15:25

so what are you prepared to sell?

engagement ring? wedding ring? all your other jewellery? books? dvd's? the tv?

It always makes me very when women seem to assume that their h's/partners should be the ones to give up everything just because they don't understand how much it means to them.

Selling the bike will not be a long-term fix - you need to look at where you can save money.

do you have sky? broadband? jym membership? How can you cut down your shopping bills (h may have a point re amount spent in tesco).

If you can reduce your day-to-day expenses then it will help in the long-term. selling the bike will only be a short-term fix, will lead to resentment, and once that money has gone you will still be in the same position you were already in, except your dh will resent you as well.

yabu sorry.

wannaBe · 19/07/2008 15:28

"Its a HOBBY. Not a way of life." but it's still something that means a lot to him. And it's a part of his life.

I have a £2500 keyboard, which of course is a hobby. But I have been playing since I was 7. When I am sad I play, or write songs, sometimes I just sit and play for hours because I can. My dh doesn't play, so presumably doesn't see the keyboard in the same way as I do.

I would be incredibly upset, and resentful, if he insisted I sell it.

Oblomov · 19/07/2008 15:30

I agree with WannaBe. What is your most treasured possesion ? Are you going to sell that aswell ?
Even selling your junk, is only a short term fix. Or selling his bike. You need to address your fundamental outgoing issues.

Oblomov · 19/07/2008 15:31

God, if dh said I had to sell my 3 platinum rings, I would cry and cry.

itati · 19/07/2008 15:37

Mine would sell his thing before letting me sell anything of mine (rings/wedding dress)

Original poster

landj · 19/07/2008 15:39

Like I said earlier, it would be like him telling me to sell all my books and never read again. I know I couldnt do it. And yes, the resentment and snotty comments has already started. And Wannabe.. He's the one with the gym membership. We dont have sky or broadband. (I do this from work!!) We have blue and white cupboards if you know what I mean. Getting to be a poor family. I resent him having the bike sitting out there 6 days a week doing nothing.

OP posts:

duomonstermum · 19/07/2008 15:45

my DH owns a bike. it costs less in insurance/tax/fuel than the car esp when it's only being used for fun. he doesn't go to the pub/bookies/smoke so it's his one indulgence. he can get away from the daily grind so it's verry important to him.

i have my books to do that and i was VVV PISSED OFF when he suggested i could sell the 6 boxes that are sitting in the attic. some are worthless but i have several 1st editions that are quite valuable and i know the only way i would ever part with them is if it was life or death and i had tried everything.

just think of how you would feel if you were asked to sell your most treasured possesion. i would try to make cuts where possible and only discuss selling the bike if it gets to the point that the house will be repossesed/get evicted. and that is discuss not say the bike has to go. it's not worth being resented for a few grand. maybe it helps him to feel the way he did after he got divorced so it becomes more important to him.

duomonstermum · 19/07/2008 15:48

and we're in now way well off. fgs the bike is worth more than the car!!! it's what it represents more than anything else. if we didn't need the car for the kids, i'd have a bike too

TheMagnificent7 · 19/07/2008 15:49

I think you underestimate what it means to him. He bought it with the money from the sale of his house when he divorced his ex. I'm betting there's a whole bunch of jelousy going on there.

Don't get me wrong, bikes a bike, and in no way as important as a car in terms of styling and coolness. But it's his bike, with a personal value as well as a tangible financial one. You didn't say what your huge loan was for, and I can't remember if you say you both work. Budgeting is a pig, which I have found out the hard way like most others. So, get rid of SKY (yes all of it), get rid of your mobile provided if they won't reduce your tarriff when you call them (try it, it's great), shop around for all of the utility/insurance providers. If the bike money would only reduce the loan, not clear it, then get an independent financial adviser to tell you what to do for the best.

Clean the dress, and fix it. Rather not know why it's in that state, but lazy excuses won't help him offer to sell his absolute pride and joy. Kill all your pets, or abandon them on the motorway. Things are so much cheaper then. Do you have a car ? Consider selling it, although public transport probably costs much more than running it.

If he says you spend too much in Tescos, make him do the shop (and carry it back on his bike).

itati · 19/07/2008 15:52

Take no notice of M7 and her plans for your pets.

Original poster

landj · 19/07/2008 15:57

Pets went long ago. The pie fed us for weeks. Along with the tesco value baked beans.

OP posts:

solo · 19/07/2008 16:02

I've kept my bike even though I've hardly used it since I was 7 months pg(Dd nearly 19mos)because I know that I'll never be able to afford to buy another one. I only really use/d mine for getting to and from work and it's a big bugger, but she's MY big bugger. I will not part with her. I've had(felt I had to)to sell my bikes before because my exh got us into stupid debt. It won't happen again. I'll find other ways of keeping her.
Perhaps you could get Dh to SORN it for a while and not ride it until you are better sorted?

lucykate · 19/07/2008 16:12

my dh has 2 bikes in the garage, neither of which are in a rideable state, and he thinks i'm the unreasonable one when i say no he can't buy a third off ebay.

wb · 19/07/2008 16:14

Obviously the bike means a great deal to him. Hopefully though, not more than a roof over the heads of his family or food on the table. I think you need to sit down together and work out how you are going to manage financially. If he thinks you spend too much at Tescos ansd you disagree, ask him to demonstrate (do weekly shop and feed family for 1 week) how it can be done on less.

lizziemun · 19/07/2008 16:37

I'm shocked at the amount of people are saying that landj is being selfish in wanting her DH to help do something about the situation that they find themselves in.

It sounds like she has sold everything that they had to sell, except her books which would not bring anywhere the amount of money that his bike would.

How much do you spend a week on shopping for the 4 of you.

I can't help thinking if landj husband had written AIBU 'my wife wants me to sell my 4grand bike to pay the rent and reduce our outgoings' you would all be jumping on him trying him not to be selfish and put his family first.

palaver · 19/07/2008 16:40

you and me both, lizziemun

lucykate · 19/07/2008 16:47

what about a compromise?, he could sell the bike, get a cheaper one, say 2k, that would give you 2k in a savings account to help during the months that are tight financially.

my argument with my dh is that any money he would spend on a 3rd bike, could be used to fix the 2 he already has, then he could either sell one, to recoup the expense, and keep one to ride, or sell both, and put that money onto buying something a bit more reliable. dh is quite soppy about one of his bikes, he bought it as a student and has been trying to rebuild it ever since, but at the end of the day, all soppyness aside, we've got to eat and have bills to pay.

cocolepew · 19/07/2008 16:53

If you make him sell it, a few months down the road he'll have a bigger and better, ie more expensive, one. That's what happened to us. Men and motorbikes, it's a sickness .

lizziemun · 19/07/2008 16:57

I'm glad someone agrees with me palaver i was beginning to think i had moved to a different planet .

scrappydappydoo · 19/07/2008 17:00

landj - I'm in the middle here - I wholly sympathize with you about your dh putting his bike before anything - my dh has his car which his pride and joy - only used at weekends etc BUT I also realise its his one way of de-stressing and my life is so much nicer when he comes back from a drive. I think I came to the realisation that the thing that annoys me most about his car is that I don't have something similar - I'm the one who looks after the kids 24/7 and do all budgeting and worrying about money but deep down I'm resentful cos I haven't found my 'thing'. Now I'm not saying you are exactly the same but I kinda have to agree that the bike is his thing and you basically have to deal with it.
Having said that could you sit down with him and talk about finances... does he really understand how much you are scrimping and saving?? Could you come to some agreement about how much gets spent on the bike and how much he can use it e.g due to rising fuel costs etc. Maybe do some bargaining - you give up gym membership for bike etc

palaver · 19/07/2008 17:13

landj has previously posted about how much she and her dh are struggling financially here

I think they are at the point where they should take a long hard look at what they need to do - maybe they both have something that they can sacrifice and maybe the bike is just a luxury that they can't afford at the moment.

Oblomov · 19/07/2008 17:15

M7 had some really good ideas, less the pets thing, obviously.
Op refuses to even aknowledge that her basic outgoings need reviewing.

solo · 19/07/2008 17:17

It's not solely a men thing you know!and definitely not a sickness!

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