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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

This should be in employment but I want to know what people really think rather then just [[[hugs]]]]

36 replies

changednameforsecrecy · 18/07/2008 19:33

So, I think I am about to be offered dream job, a training contract (trainee solicitor) to start this autumn.

But I think I am pregnant.

Haven't done test yet, but frankly pretty certain. Am over a week late.

Let's assume I am pregnant, am I being unreasonble to accept the job? Could they get rid of me when they find out (it's a fixed term contract - does that make a difference?)

And when do I tell them????

OP posts:

gothicmama · 18/07/2008 19:35

You don't need to tell them until I think 25th week of pregnacy, how does your training contract work, how long is it for can you take a shorter mat leave to complet ethe contract ?

bluenosesaint · 18/07/2008 19:38

I accepted a job in June to start in the September (few years ago now). I found out in the July that i was pg. I didn't say a thing until i started the job despite having huuuuuuuge feelings of guilt (and worry that they would ask me to leave!)

They were sooooooooo lovely with me! I'm still at the same company now ...and have had another child

Go for it. Good luck x

Original poster

changednameforsecrecy · 18/07/2008 19:38

It's two years composed of four six month seats in different areas of law. If I am pregnant, baby would be due quite neatly at the end of the first six months(I could have planned this, couldn't I?).

I would be showing way before 25 weeks, I was already showing at 15 weeks with number 1.

Is this a shitty thing to do? I don't want to miss out on this job, if I get offered it (which I think I will).

OP posts:

scottishmum007 · 18/07/2008 19:39

oh god take the job, that's none of their business. if you get an opportunity grab it with both hands!!

flowerybeanbag · 18/07/2008 19:39

I can't remember ever offering just (((hugs))) posting in Employment, I always say what I really think! (Well, occasionally I tone it down a wee bit...)

YANBU, you have just as much right to earn a living as anyone else. They couldn't get rid of you when they find out because that would be discrimination.

You don't even know for sure yet anyway. Accept the job!

OsmosisBanana · 18/07/2008 19:39

You're a woman, we get pregnant. Unless you're 65 then they must have already considered this 'risk'.

Don't tell em.

Anyway, you haven't done the test, so you're not being deceptive cos you haven't had confirmation.

2point4kids · 18/07/2008 19:40

Accept the job and tell them when you really have to (when you start showing or are legally obliged to!)

Congratulations on both!

Original poster

changednameforsecrecy · 18/07/2008 19:42

OK I'll be honest, AIBU gets quicker responses than anything else!!

Thanks for replies, by end of week I will probably find I have no job offer and no baby and feel like a right numpty.

Has anyone else accepted a job knowing full well they were pregnant and "got away with it" as such? My SIL did but she works in public sector so not really the same - they are too terrified of being accused of discrimination. I know I shouldn't be discriminated against (especially by a law firm) but then there is reality....

OP posts:

flowerybeanbag · 18/07/2008 19:43

Think of it another way. Your rights to take opportunities like this regardless of pregnancy have been fought for hard and took a long time to come. Take advantage of them.

gothicmama · 18/07/2008 19:43

go for it, timimng wise sounds good

oi · 18/07/2008 19:44

when do you have to tell them about the job?

I suppose you don't have to, especially if you don't know (and you haven't been offered it yet so it's all theoretical!).

But as an employer I think I'd be annoyed if you didn't say anything before you took it or at least at the point where they offer it to you. It would make me think differently of you if I thought you knew and didn't tell me for some reason.

scottishmum007 · 18/07/2008 19:46

no one has to tell anyone about the pregnancy unless for health and safety reasons, at work. i think OP should keep quiet about it until she gets the job and then announce the pregnancy once she gets her foot in the door.

Heated · 18/07/2008 19:47

Take the job with a clear conscience. You can't predict the future.

An old colleague of mine turned down an internal promotion because she just found out she was pg and thought it would be unfair to the company but unfortunately she had an early miscarriage. Accepting she was going to remain childless, she and dh moved house 200m away, found a new job to start later that year and bought a dog - only to find she was pg with twins.

lou031205 · 18/07/2008 19:49

You have no reason to be considered differently because of a potential or actual pregnancy. If I am correct, your fixed term contract would just need to be extended by the length of your maternity leave, and the firm would recoup your maternity pay from HMRC.

Hecate · 18/07/2008 19:51

hugs? you think you'll get hugs if you post outside of AIBU?? Do you know where you are?

You don't think you're on Netmums, do you?

scottishmum007 · 18/07/2008 19:51

that's a valid point, sad as it is, sometimes MC does happen in early pregnancy so taking the job whether the pregnancy turns out viable or not would be the best option if it's your dream job.

CaptainKarvol · 18/07/2008 19:52

Totally agree with Heated - you have no idea what the future holds, accept the job.

I started my last job when pg, told employers at 11 weeks as I was feeling very guilty, but they have been absolutely fine throughout (they are public sector, but individuals have been fine as well as the 'organisation').

Do be aware that you'll get no SMP though. I had to claim Maternity Allowance, which was a bit of a financial shock.

Original poster

changednameforsecrecy · 18/07/2008 19:59

God no, not Netmums, I have never recovered from dipping my toe in there when I realised what "babydancing" is. Yuk.

You're all right of course, anything could happen and it would be lunancy to turn the job down just out of fear of the slight disapproving stare when (if) I eventually have to tell them.

If I am offered the job, and I am PG, I promise to come on in my real (MN) name and fess up.

Thanks all

OP posts:

scottishmum007 · 18/07/2008 20:01

NMs is not the only forum that uses the term BDing tho, you will find it's common place all over parenting and TTC forums.

scottishmum007 · 18/07/2008 20:02

NM is good for recipe ideas I've found altho haven't really used it for discussion purproses, it's not as easy to navigate as MN.

stripeybumpsmum · 18/07/2008 20:06

They have offered you the contract based on what you can bring to the job - that does not change just because you are pregnant. Accept the job.

Would you tell them you might get pregnant in 18 months time? Of course not - but it would still be within the training contract.

You do not have to tell them until you are 25 weeks pregnant. However, personally I would want to start the relationship off on the right foot, and tell them as soon as it is appropriate to do so - for me, that would be 12 weeks unless there are reasons related to your health or to the health and safety of employing a pregnant woman.

Presumably you have researched the firm pretty well? So you should have an idea how they will react. If there is any doubt they will react badly, they clearly do not know their employment law arse from their elbow and have no place offering training in the law.

Trust your own abilities that you got offered the job on merit, trust their judgment that they want you and just may have to wait a little longer for you.

MrsTiddles · 18/07/2008 20:13

take the job, have the baby. And hurrah for both!

ilovemydog · 18/07/2008 20:20

I think you should accept the job, but when you are certain about pregnancy, tell your employers.

As a solicitor, it isn't just the training contract that you're after, is it? It's a job as a solicitor at the end, and much depends on your training period.

Original poster

changednameforsecrecy · 19/07/2008 21:45

Update ladies, and what a prat I feel: AF started this morning and .

Will let you know about the job.

OP posts:

MrsTiddles · 20/07/2008 18:09

don't feel like a prat - it was an ethical dilemna

I hope both things work out for you at the right time

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