To have inadvertently been the one to tell my friend's DS that his mummy is having another baby?

[oopsididit]

Friend is about 12 weeks pregnant. She seems to have been pregnant for ever, because as soon as she got her positive test she told everyone. Her friends, the teachers at school (as she stopped going in as soon as she found out), all other mums in the playground. There is no-one who didn't know. She walks around holding and rubbing her stomach, she stands there talking about how ill she is, how tired she is, all the things she will and won't be able to doo when the baby is born, how she will be having a planned CS etc etc etc, to the point that even those who haven't been directly told, know she is pregnant.

So, a few days ago I had to pick up friend's ds from school as she has not been feeling well. When we got home, my own ds asked me what was wrong with his friend's mummy and I explained that sometimes, when people are having a baby, they don't feel very well. So the next morning my ds (who is 6) said to his friend that his mummy had said that maybe his mummy wasn't feeling well because she's having another baby.

Fast forward to today, and friend comes storming over, absolutely fuming, saying that I had no right to tell my ds that she is having a baby. How it was meant to be a secret, and how she wasn't planning to tell him for at least another 4/5 months .

I had no idea it was meant to be a secret. At no time when she has been openly standing there talking to whoever will listen (and tbh a lot of people have already got fed up of listening) that it was a secret and not to tell anyone.

I didn't directly tell her child, I told my child.

If she'd told me discretely that she was pregnant then of course I wouldn't have been so open about it, but given how open she herself has been about the whole thing I never even considered it to be a secret from her own child (given the rest of the world already knows).

So ibu?

[MrsTiddles]

YANBU and she's probably over-reacting due to the early stages and hormones and all that stuff.

I wouldn't be surprised if she apologised to you for flipping out.

What did you say to her?

[whatismyname]

he would have found out soon anyway by the sound of it

[NorthernLurker]

well it's unfortunate certainly but I don't think yabu. If she didn't want it to get round to her ds she should have been very clear about that and kept quiet herself. It's frankly ridiculous of her to think that her ds wouldn't have noticed in the next month or so anyway. ^ year olds are neither deaf nor stupid ime!

[Hecate]

No

[ellideb]

No you are not being unreasonable at all in my opinion, but I might put it down to her hormones! What did you say back to her?

[misdee]

YANBU

i didnt tell anyone in real life except family. i didnt tell my kids until the day i had my scan and everything was ok at that point (scan in the morning, told kids after school).

[scottishmum007]

YANBU - pregnancy hormones

[ellideb]

I think it was mean of her to tell everyone else but not her DS. Doesn't sound like he's too high up on her list of priorities or am I just being judgemental now?

[oopsididit]

I said that given she had told everyone (even her child's teacher) that I had no idea her ds didn't know.

She is a very open person and makes her life everyone else's business and usually her ds is the first to know everything.

She is also a very volatile person though and can be very irational about things.

She said that they weren't planning to tell her ds about it until a week or tue before the baby is born because of how upset they know he will be about having a sibling.

[Turniphead1]

YANBU. I gently reminded people that we hadn't told DD but told her and DS after 12 week scanned. She had already guessed and she was 4. Quite how she was planning to get to 6 months or whatever without telling her DS is quite beyond me. Presumably he is not stupid.

[MrsTiddles]

what did you say to her when she confronted you?

[Turniphead1]

8 months??? The woman is deranged.

[robinpud]

Were they planning blindfolding the child for the rest of the pregnanacy so that he didn't notice the growing bump or is he just not very observant?

[MrsTittleMouse]

that she didn't want him to know as he didn't want a sibling! Poor little lad, they weren't even going to try to prepare him?
I think that YANBU to presume that he knew, considering that everyone else knew and she was discussing it out in the open on a regular basis. I told everyone that DD didn't know at first, and she's not even two (and completely clueless). She "knows" now of course.
It's her pregnancy hormones causing her to even think that she's being reasonable and to be so cross with you.

[NorthernLurker]

Well if she was planning to conceal it from him because she felt he would be upset then all I can say is that you've saved her a bundle of trouble. I can't imagine any child reacting well to that level of parental deception - and cowardice!

[unfitmother]

Whoops!

In the circumstances, how were you to know?

[minster]

Well I don't tell my kids until at least 20 weeks (28 with ds1) - nothing to do with cowardice or deception everything to do with an incredibly complex medical situation with means only about 30% of my babies survive until birth.

I never discuss pregnancy in front of anyone's children but all my friends & family (well the select few that are told before the children) are very clear that our children are not to be told anything. She really shouldn't have left it to chance if it was that important to her.

[Twiglett]

she's a fruit-loop

a 6 year old will notice

ffs your 6 year old noticed

ignore her, she's barking

[NorthernLurker]

But Minster she wasn't talking 20 weeks or even 30 - she was basically saying 38 and that it was perfectly fine for her to tell the world and it's cat but not her own son. I can understand why you wouldn't tell your children and I think your reason is perfectly valid and an example of responsible parenting. From what the op has said I consider that her thinking she could just avoid the situation isn't responsible parenting in my book. What a good job I'm not in the op's shoes as I would probably have said what I thought and thereby upset the pregnant woman even more!

[HonoriaGlossop]

Well that's clearly bizarre to tell everyone else and the world and his wife but to get so miffed with you....I think she is an attention seeker.

[Kimi]

YANBU she is mad

[Kimi]

waves at THW

[oopsididit]

HG she is quite attention seaking normally. She has to talk about herself constantly and is not very empathic to the needs of others. Since she found out she was pregnant she has talked about nothing else, and tbh even her closest friends have started to get fed up of hearing about it. Everyone is happy for her of course, but her pregnancy is not the be all and end all of everyone else's existance. She has also upset one of her other friends quite a lot as this friend spent 18 months ttc before she fell pg, she announced it to people, this friend announced her pg the next day and has talked about nothing but since, also she has kept going on about how she and her dh only did it once in the past 18 months and she's pregnant and it has taken away all attention from friend who spent months trying and who has never once complained about it or complained about how ill/tired she has been feeling etc.