in buying a £200 pram without my husbands knowledge or consent?

[YokoJackamotoToto]

When you bear in mind the fact that he bought himself a £100 MP3 player last week without me knowing and is off now buying himself a new mobile phone!

Money isn't exactly free flowing but in my defense the buggy is on SALE and is on a 0% payment plan and will be paid off during the remainder of the pregnancy.

I do already have a double buggy as my other child will only be 2 when newbie arrives but I wont always need a double will I?

Why can'tyou get away with second-hand when you have teenagers?

Sorry I don't think you can justify yourself so glibly but maybe you;ve gione ahead regardless already. Ok so he got the mp3 player but presumabley if you had really objected he could have returned it, and you know about the phone whether ti is necessary or not. You can't afford the extravagance of £200 pram but are simply seeking to get back at him. Having it on finance is no real justification. Sounds like you have a while before you'd use either pushchair anyway. What do you currently use for your dc , why can you not reuse that for new baby ?

LIZS, how would her dh feel if she made him return the mp3 player? Like a little child? Her dh obviously feels they have the money to spend so why not her? Maybe if she shows him what he does, he may sit up and take notice? Getting your own back yes, but teaching him a lesson and getting a lovely pram too.

But Limara, if she goes ahead and does what he does ie buy things without discussing them, then isn't there a big risk that he will feel completely vindicated in buying the things that he buys, as because she is doing it as well, it must be OK ?

Then because he is still doing it, she continues, then before you know it, they are skint and can't afford the weekly shop as they've managed to spend hundreds of pounds they didn't have in the first place. I've seen two of my friends do this in the last year. They just buy what they want without discussing it properly, then next minute the food shopping is on the credit card with no hope of being cleared by the next statement date, more repayments next month, more stress, comfort shopping goes on and the vicious cycle continues, but it hasn't mattered as there has always been more credit available. But then one day the credit stops and the whole thing falls spectacularly apart.

Can you continually babysit these men, always leading the way?

Depends whose money it is? Depends what you (not him but you) earn. I earn reasonably large amounts. We usually discussed large purchases like a grand piano, new car, expensive holiday, hire of a nanny etc. Depends if all your money is joint. You just need to establish rules that work for you. There are plenty of women who leave most decisions to men and the man decides what cash is spent. Some of those women are happy with that, some aren't.

Do you actually need the buggy now - you say you already have a double buggy? If that is the case wait until you really need a single buggy - styles and fashions change after all. We still used our buggy til dd was at least 3.5 as they might walk a lot but still need a rest, and it was a godsend in busy town centre etc.... We've probably only stopped using it in the last few months. I'd hang on and buy the latest one...

Love the Grand Piano Xenia! If I'd been out and bought such an item without prior discussion there would have been hell to pay! LOL Mind you DH was in New York recently and bought me in advance a pressie for my 40th in September. He hid the bill but the bank take a standard 10% so I know how much he has outstanding on the card....and this was quite a large amount. He could of course of spent all his cash on wine, cocaine and women but I suspect not, and I think he has splashed out on something frivolous of the D&G expensive watch variety. I would so much rather have that sum of money to go clothes shopping with, but how can I possibly complain without sounding churlish...and before anyone asks we are not rich and I have not bought new clothes for ages as DD has a greater need ie she grows out of everything after a couple of months...

The only disagreement I remember (and that was only when my marriage was in terminal decline) was when we bought a horse without consulting him. But it just depends on how much spare money a family have, if the wife is earning it herself anyway, how inter twined your finances are, whether the woman leaves spending and decisions to the man (as many women seem to choose to do) etc.

I find some other couples' attitude to finances perplexing. DH and I both regard every penny and all assets as being held jointly, even though a few are actually in separate names (they date from before we were married). Neither of us would ever consider spending that kind of money or making any major purchase without consulting the other. If you do it because he did it, you lose your right to object to him doing it. I think you both need to grow up and learn a little respect for each other.

Wish I lived in Xenia's world where purchasing discussions included horses and grand pianos

I can't believe how so many of you only buy things after consulting with your DP/DH.

I don't have time to discuss every purchase I'm about to make with DH.

If I had consulted him about the £400 P&T I bought he would have said no, as we already had 2 double pushchirs.

I wouldn't expect him to consult me before he buys a new car or a new lawn mower. And no, we are not rolling in money!

I trust him, and he trusts me. (althoguh he does say I buy a lot of useless shite!)

My dh and I both have mobile phones. No purchase has yet been so urgent that I could not, at least, phone him. I'm not trying to suggest that we consult over every purchase - but a car? a £400 pram that you didn't need and to which you knew he would say no?

lol LynetteScavo at 'useless shite'

£200 pram MsHighwater

cat64 you have missed something - the pramoholics threads!

I for one would like to see the £800 silver cross pram

MsHighwater - DH does tell me he's going to buy a car, but he's not going to take any notice if I say no. - Which is why he drives what is, IMO, a ridiculous choice of vehicle. And yes I did point out to him that 3 car seats would not fit in!!!

It's very lovely Fimbo, and as i said i knew he wouldn't miss the money so went ahead if i'd asked the answer would be no, so i didn't ask. He's spent more on a night out with the boys.

Limarqa you have missed the point. This isn't about making op's dh feel like a child if he takes something back they can ill afford or don't need, rather the need to jointly assess the priorities for their limited budget and take responsibility for appropriate spending. If they had had a considered conversation which during which he agreed she should buy a single buggy up to £200, he'll get a mp3 and/or phone, as they could afford to do so using the credit plan (which is only 0% if you stick to the t and c rigorously and may yet commit you to spending money later on you don't really have at the time), but taken no further interest, she is free to choose. However that is a different scenario entirely. Retaliatory spending on a limited budget is the start of a slippery slope imho.

Limara - LynetteScavo, to whom my comment was a response though I did not make this entirely clear, referred to a £400 pram. That said, I don't think there's a difference worth measuring between spending £200 on a pram you don't need and spending £400 on the same thing.

LynetteScavo - "telling" you he's going to buy a car does not amount to consultation.

i tell my dh, but he never listens.

sometimes if i've seen something i'll buy it. he rarely ever questions me, but if for some reason he does mention something, i pretend i told him and he wasn't listening.

he buys all manner of stupid stuff and i dont moan. that way when i buy stupid stuff he can't moan!

but i do regularly sell the stuff we no longer use, like baby bath and designer outfits people give as gifts that they only fit into once. ebay is a wonderful thing.

Do you know this thread really depresses me?

Surely you are an independent and adult woman. Why on earth should you get your husband's permission to buy anything.

I am also amazed by the amout of replies re checking with hubbies before shopping. Overheard a woman in the dvd store ringing to see if she could have a dvd - just buy the damn thing you're a grown up I wanted to yell