to not choose a school based on the fact that the Head shouted at DS when she was showing us round

[Notalone]

I am changing 6 year old DS's school due to a change in my childcare arrangement and took the day off to visit two local schools. The first one seemed lovely, very relaxed, happy kids, nice teachers and good ofsted report. The second seemed to have better KS achievments and a big brand new building with fab facilities but the head was horrid. When she was showing us around any smile she decided to bestow on us didn't meet her eyes and she just seemed like a cold fish. The icing on the cake was when she took us into the school hall where they had balls left out from the earlier PE lesson. DS got bored while we were talking so picked up a ball and kicked it against the wall. She literally bellowed at him to put it back and not to behave like that, which he did. He then picked up some other apparatus and asked her what it was. She then shouted at him to put it back without even answering him and basically showed us out of the school straight afterwards.

AIBU to think that DS should not have been told off for kicking a ball in a purpose built hall? And AIBU to base my decision on this alone. I just feel that if there were any problems with DS if he went there, she would be as much use as a chocolate teapot.

OP didn't like Headteacher for whatever reason, seems worth going on especially if the other school was more likeable.

Oh FGS summatandnowt the woman shouted at a child.

Whether or not you believe it's OK to conduct all your communications at a raised volume, for a HT to do that to a visiting pupil is at the very least, utterly incompetent. I would expect her to have a better grasp of how to use appropriate discipline techniques. But then, I'm most awfully precious, doncha know.

YANBU she sounds hideous, but at least she's not hiding what she's like. Its a tough one. Have you had the chance to talk to other parents whose kids go there? I find that really the best place for info.

Summatandnowt are you sure you are not the headmistress yourself? I really don't think I am being precious at all. I do not object to DS being told to behave by others at all, but the fact of the matter is she shouted at him and then ignored him when he asked her a question about some of the apparatus. If you really want to know what she shouted it was "Put that down NOW, you do not behave that way". Well yes, that would have been appropriate perhaps if he had been defacing school property or even kicking the ball inside the classroom, but in a purpose built sports hall is a v ott imo.

I only went to look at the first and better school because I work with a lady whose daughter is a teacher there and she very tactfully told me I should look at other schools too rather than just the second one as she had not heard good things about the second one. I initially thought she was telling me for the sake of her teacher daughter but she was 100% right. Also I told this lady I work with that I may have difficulty getting him to the breakfast club in the mornings as I am going to uni this year which is a long way from home and I need to get a very early train. Said lady texted her daughter and the head called me personally to see if there was anything she could do to help me. There is no way I could imagine dragon head teacher doing this

I made the mistake of sending dd to a school (nursery element of private school) where I didn't like the headmistress (we had originally put dd's name down when the previous incumbent was in place). I took her out at reception as I was proved right.

OP, your description of the Head's behaviour appals me. What had she expected the little boy to do while she engaged in adult talk with you? I would not send my own child to a school whose Head teacher behaved like that. There was no need to shout unless the child had been doing something dangerous. And she should have shown him the respect of answering his question. A head teacher like that could put a child off learning for life.

. I would definitely go with the first school!!

I don't get to choose DDs school, but the one we are in the catchment for is much coveted. However, at the induction process, one little boy didn't want to go to the class with the other kids and as his mum was gently urging him, the HT came over and said "are you a baby? Do you want to stay here with the BABIES and go back to nursery?" quite sternly! I was nearly in tears! Had I been that boy's mother I would have had to say something, and it has made me feel a bit uneasy about the HT tbh, although she has been nice to me (so far!) I think it is horrible to demean a child like that, in front of his new classmates! These kids are 4/5 fgs! It's a BIG step, why couldn't she have been a bit more understanding, even if she secretly felt exasperated!

It's just typing the way she speaks I would imagine and isn't implying anything. I use words like basically and literally. At one point my friends caracterised my online speak as "I mean, it's literally doing my head in" as they were three sayings I used a lot. As soon as that joke started I started to think more about what I was saying!

Thank you people for making me realise I am not insane to rule out this school because of this one incident. I am also shcoked at home many bad headteachers there seem to be based on some of your examples too

An update is the lovely headmistress of the other school spoke to me again today and she has said she will get a member of the breakfast club staff to start half an hour early so I can catch my train to uni, and I will only have to pay half of the extra wage per hour, the school will fund the rest. What a lovely helpful lady! I know a million percent that I have done the right thing

Lol at you Wendy Weber - I was thinking the same. And Tinkerbell - yes I do speak like that! I use those words probably a bit too much

Notalone - the school that is bending over backwards to help you inspires confidence.

A primary Head whose school my dc attended a few years ago, is known to have said to parents who rang to ask why their dd had not been awarded a place at her school:

"Well, you know some children are winners and some are losers; your Jennifer is a loser."

• when the answer she could have given was "you live outside the catchment area and therefore too many other children had priority".

Elasticwoman. How could she say that? I really hope lots of people complained about her. She simply does not deserve her job. Referring to children as winners and losers makes me and

It was the grandmother who told me the tale, so I'm not sure it's the unvarnished truth, but does accord with my own experience of this woman. She retired and became a consultant to other head teachers, would you believe!!!

She is the head so I would imagine her teaching style runs through the school and wouldn't be sending any child of mine there.

And by the way its not the shouting I would be worried about its the fact she wasn't open to questions from the children and encouraging their curiosity, preferring well-behaved drones.

And by the way its not the shouting I would be worried about its the fact she wasn't open to questions from the children and encouraging their curiosity, preferring well-behaved drones.

go with the first one.

and write to the ht of the second telling her how lovely her school is and how friendly her staff were but say that the schhol lost marks with you due to her being aggresive with your ds, tell her she needs to brush up on her people skills.