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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not choose a school based on the fact that the Head shouted at DS when she was showing us round

67 replies

Notalone · 08/07/2008 17:39

I am changing 6 year old DS's school due to a change in my childcare arrangement and took the day off to visit two local schools. The first one seemed lovely, very relaxed, happy kids, nice teachers and good ofsted report. The second seemed to have better KS achievments and a big brand new building with fab facilities but the head was horrid. When she was showing us around any smile she decided to bestow on us didn't meet her eyes and she just seemed like a cold fish. The icing on the cake was when she took us into the school hall where they had balls left out from the earlier PE lesson. DS got bored while we were talking so picked up a ball and kicked it against the wall. She literally bellowed at him to put it back and not to behave like that, which he did. He then picked up some other apparatus and asked her what it was. She then shouted at him to put it back without even answering him and basically showed us out of the school straight afterwards.

AIBU to think that DS should not have been told off for kicking a ball in a purpose built hall? And AIBU to base my decision on this alone. I just feel that if there were any problems with DS if he went there, she would be as much use as a chocolate teapot.

OP posts:

jammi · 08/07/2008 19:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

SubRosa · 08/07/2008 19:34

As so many have said, go with your gut instincts, I did for DD's first and middle schools and so far, everything's been ok

Hulababy · 08/07/2008 19:36

YANBU. I would have felt the same too. IMO you need to, especially at primary level, have a headteacher you feel you can approach over any matter. I don't think you'd feel like this with the headteacher in questions.

First school sounds nicer...so would get my vote. I believe in gut instinct when it comes to chosing schools.

iamdingdong · 08/07/2008 19:56

YANBU at all, it really does matter. I took DTs to visit their new primary last week, we were a few minutes early and were told to go away, made to wait in the playground until they were ready for us, along with other parents - what an awful first impression to give

LittleBella · 08/07/2008 20:15

No yanbu you are completely sane

Heated · 08/07/2008 20:27

A tactic to keep class sizes down? (makes note to add to repertoire)

Original poster

Notalone · 09/07/2008 08:37

Really Heated? Can they do this?

OP posts:

Gateau · 09/07/2008 08:51

I wouldn't choose that school based on what you saw. And I would make damn sure I wrote a letter to the Head telling her why.

whatdayisit · 09/07/2008 09:04

The first one definitely.

My friend picked the "best" school for her DD, based on KS results, knowing that the newly appointed head was unpopular with the staff and parents.

2 years on, almost a dozen of the teachers who achieved those great results have left

HonoriaGlossop · 09/07/2008 09:16

gateau I was just going to say that - I would not be able to resist writing to the Head (copy to chair of governors ) to say how outrageous you found her approach and how it totally put you off the school.

Elkat · 09/07/2008 11:16

The head makes or break a school imo - especially at primary. So go for the happy one.

marmalady · 09/07/2008 11:28

I once went to view a school and I decided within the first 2 minutes there was no way dd1 was going there. Why? whilst sitting waiting, a child 4 or 5 yrs old came in , obviously late. The receptionist came out from her office to take her to her class and said, 'where the 'ell 'ave you been then?' Visions of dd1 coming home and saying, 'what the hell have you been doing today mummy?' filled my head.............

misdee · 09/07/2008 11:33

when we moved here we looked at pretty much every school in teh area, as the school we wanted dd1 to go to was full (she finally joined there a year later and is very happy). a few of the schools the headteachers were stroppy or cold fish-like. one didnt even show us around and left it to the secratary. we went for the one that had the nicest feel to it and where the kids seemed happy. but was v releived when a place came up for the current school.

SummatAnNowt · 09/07/2008 12:12

Gosh, aren't you all precious. The equipment wasn't the child's to play with. And using "bored" as an excuse... He's 6 ffs, he should know not to just go pick things up and play with them when he's out.

I would be far more concerned with the fake smile than the fact she thinks discipline should be upheld in her own school.

itati · 09/07/2008 12:17

It isn't about being precious. The head clearly doesn't care about giving a good impression and what she did was over the top.

elkiedee · 09/07/2008 12:21

Summat, there's ways of saying things. How about "please put that down" and "that's for PE lessons but please put it back where it's kept for now". I'd see it as a chance to talk to the child, even briefly - I'm not a teacher let alone a Head but still...

I chat to my CM's other mindees because I'm nosy and I want to get a sense of how kids are as they grow up.

Go with the first school - a boss who can't even be a little child-friendly in charge of somewhere where he's going to spend time? Surely keeping discipline doesn't have to mean shouting when a kid's being inquisitive rather than naughty?

HonoriaGlossop · 09/07/2008 12:24

'discipline' in a school shouldn't involve immediate shouting at a kid you've only just met.

If you're happy for your kids to be treated that way then I'm sorry for them.

Gateau · 09/07/2008 12:32

There's nothing 'precious' about what most of us have said.
I wouldn't shout at my child (I'd tell him firmly) for doing that so I bloody well don't want anyone else to so it.

HonoriaGlossop · 09/07/2008 12:42

It's SO sad to think it's being 'precious' to be shocked at a child being treated very nastily by a grown adult and one who should know better.

Wanting children treated kindly and fairly is in no way precious - that's a ridiculous thing to say.

rebelmum1 · 09/07/2008 12:47

I'm with you in not going to that school, the head is the main indicator in what the school is like. There's nothing wrong with discipline but there is something wrong with oppression. The boy is under the parents charge and NOT a member of this school but a guest and you were a 'prospective customer' after all you are paying for it if NOT directly. As she gets kids subscribing regardless she doesn't really need to do a sales job on you .. I looked at a couple of schools recently, one head turned his back on me when I mentioned I was looking at another school too and the other one said ' so tell me about 'DD' iwhat is she like and what does she enjoy doing' no prizes on guessing which school I went with...

Jux · 09/07/2008 14:30

Go with the first. IME the head's attitude filters down through the school and influences everything. DD's first school had a lovely head who left at the end of dd's first term. Was replaced by another head who was cold, uncomfortable with parents, never looked us in the eye. The school went downhill rapidly. Luckily we were moving anyway and dd is at a school which is nowhere near as good in the league table () but where the head is lovely, the school operates really well, and the children enjoy learning.

TinkerBellesMum · 09/07/2008 14:38

I wouldn't want to send my child there! She's not his head teacher, he had parent(s) there she had no right to shout at him. I'd more than not send him there, I'd be making a complaint too!

SummatAnNowt · 09/07/2008 15:24

OP didn't like woman and then said "literally bellowed" which is deliberately emotive and doesn't actually convey what was said, while also defending her son as being bored. Immediately setting up cues for who is the villain of the piece, to bring cohesion to the story, and excusing her child's behaviour. So it's not just that the headteacher told him off in a certain way, it's that, in the OP's mind, there was absolutely no reason to tell him off, which I disagree with.

The it's layed on thicker, culminating in "and basically showed us out of the school straight afterwards", the use of the modifier "basically" implies hyperbole and so undermines the trustworthiness of the OP's post.

So yes, I believe the OP was being precious and the encounter wasn't exactly has horrible as described.

Smithagain · 09/07/2008 15:35

If she treats a visiting child like that, how does she treats her staff? And how does she expect them to treat the children in their classes? I think that would have a big effect on the atmosphere in the school.

It would certainly be enough to put me off, assuming your son really wasn't pushing the boundaries too far. And even if he was, a head teacher ought to be capable of reining him in without being rude.

Would go for friendly and relaxed over unfriendly with great Ofsted any time.

Gateau · 09/07/2008 15:51

Not quite sure if anyone can be bothered to argue with you Summit...
I certainly can't.

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