To feel annoyed at being labelled as "Clingy Mother" by DS's nursery staff.....

[jojo76]

I took DS1 to his nursery school this week, he's due to start this September. He was 3 in March. I went in to fill all the forms in and to let him have a look around. So, as we are filling the forms in, I mention that I actually want him to attend the nursery 2 mornings a week. The teacher was visibly very surprised by this, she sat with the pen poised over the paper and took a moment to reply with a surprised "Oh!". We then had the discussion where she said it might affect how ds settles in as he wont be going four mornings (apparently everyone else goes four mornings or afternoons, building up to five), and I can see her point, but feel that DS will probably settle fine, he's pretty good at just mucking in with other kids andgetting on with it. BUY if he were to find it hard to settle, I would think about increasing his days or alternatively (GASP!) just leaving it and letting him start reception when hes a year older. Then another teacher had the same discussion with me and we were talking about settling in, she was also clearly not in favour of the two morning plan, and said, "well, some kids just settle straight away, some take a bit longer and SOMETIMES its the parents!", looking archly at me!!
So now because I dont want to send him for the whole week, I feel like the nursery think I'm holding him back and am being clingy and needy. I did admit that I find the thought of him going off to school a little bit sad (but obviously inevitable), but surely lots of mums feel like this!! Also, I'm a childminder, so am at home anyway, and just feel that as this is the last year before school starts, I would like to relish it a bit. We have years of school ahead and years of what I imagine for us will be a hideous rush of searching for shoes and book bags ahead, so why start this early? He's only 3, why the obsession with "moving them on" and "preparing them from school", I thought Reception prepared them for school??
So, aibu to want to just kick around and let him dig up worms in the garden for another year, or do I sound like a hysterical overly sensitive needy Mum????

does anyone know if they are meant to go for 5 mornings are you meant to ring them and say if they won't be going in? if you make a regular thing of them not going every day is it frowned upon? you obviously can't ring in every week and pretend they are ill.

you have to go for all sessions (mornings or afternoons) unless the child is ill. You can't just take a regular day off a week!

That is the way they are run round here and I presume in other counties too...

my dd went to playschool for 2 mornings a week from 2, settled straight in and hasn't looked back...i've never had a tear out of her.

MrsMacaroon - that was probably not a state school nursery though was it? that is the difference (round here anyway) between state nurserys that are attached to schools and play group nurseries.

susia - AbstractMouse seems to be saying that's what she does so they obviously can't stop you from doing it.

You're absolutely right to do what YOU feel is right for you and your child. Pre-school is entirely optional and the number of sessions should be too.
Plenty of children I know of only go for 1 or 2 sessions & are fine. I think the push for children to go for 4 or 5 is quite recent and may be down to funding as others have said, and also as it might help the nursery's organisation.
If you and your ds want to spend more time together instead then that's what you should do - don't feel pressurised to do more unless it's what you want. I'm sure your ds will benefit loads from spending all that quality time with you.
(and I agree there is a subtle pressure on parents to go along with what 'most people' do - maybe partly from ourselves but also from the responses of others who are surprised that someone would have their own ideas and dare to think that they know their child best!!)

I think in some areas all pre-schools insist on 5 sessions, but that's not the case near me - even when the group is part of a state school. It may be in areas where places are in big demand, as in the city where my sister lives?

yes but the reason the school is not happy is because they have very limited places, from their perspective they have probably alot of people who would happily fill the places but can't if some children just go to a few.

When my son was at nursery this was how it was, as I worked 3 days per week, the only option I had was to get a childminder to take him in the afternoons of the days I worked. I would of course have preferred that he didn't go on the days that I didn't work but that was not an option.

My SIL is a nursery teacher at one of these schools and I remember discussing it with her at the time.

The school is not being difficult but just stating the way that they run things

susia- it is a private day nursery that offers funded preschool places from 3 onwards (so free from 3-5)...you can book from 1-5 mornings. The nursery attached to the school here is exactly the same though.

must be the area then. That is how it is round us and every one I looked at in this area. Maybe it depends on how oversubscribed they are, I'm not sure, maybe it is the individual nursery.

I just know that those were the rules with us then. I actually think it was good preparation for school so it worked out fine with my son.

Dd (3) is getting on very well with her new CM (3 days/week) and they do tons of interesting stuff. I'm not planning on sending her to preschool but may take her to a playgroup session next year to meet more local children - not sure yet. I definitley wouldn't send her 5 days/week yet - school will come soon enough.

DD goes to a state school nursery, what exactly do you think they will do to you if your child doesn't ge for all 5 days? Fair enough if the school was oversubscribed, but ours isn't.

I started ds at 2 sessions a week when he was 3 at a local pre-school, he will be 4 in August and currently does 2 full days (I pay for lunchclub sessions) and one afternoon. He loves it and asks me most days 'am I going to pre-school/ staying for lunchclub today Mummy??') - now this may just mean that I am a rubbish mum who doesn't do enough with her children, or that I am happy to let ds dictate the pace - I am also happy to take ds out of a session early or not bring him in if I feel like it.

Don't feel dictated too by the pre-school they can reccommend what they like, you decide as he is your son. But don't assume that they are not in a garden digging up worms while at nursery - messy and free play is the main focus for this age group - ds spends a lot of time running around with rambunctious little boys rather than spending time with boring old (knackered pregnant) mummy and his little sister, I am glad he has the opportunity.

But this week he will be missing a day to go with me and his daddy and sis to the Natural History Museum (before it gets swamped in the Hols). This is a time where we as parents can control the agenda so I make the most of it.

"does anyone know if they are meant to go for 5 mornings are you meant to ring them and say if they won't be going in? if you make a regular thing of them not going every day is it frowned upon? you obviously can't ring in every week and pretend they are ill."

They have to account for the funding they get so if you have a free place and regularly dont use slots they can be made to pay this back, which they may pursue you for dependant on the contract.

Most preschools and nurseries state 5 sessions in order to get the full funding as its a basic amount and sometimes doesnt cover the full session. Therefore if a child only attends 2 days they can be out of pocket especially if they cant fill the remainder with another part time child.

you lot are so lucky to have these options!
DD2 is almost 3 and won't be able to start state school nursery where her sister will be at school until next sept when she is almost 4 (october baby).

she is ready now and getting really bored at home. i'm trying to get her into a private nursery for 2 days a week but really struggling, they all seem to want full time places. But at over £400/month for just the 2 days i can't put her in more.

I sympathise Amidaiwish - while living in London I know I would have had to put ds name down before he had been conceived at some overpriced nursery for pre-school age care. Here in the sticks there seems to be a shortage of children and an excess of childcare provision and that gives the parents the power.

jojo, I just wanted to add my experience in case it helps - at 3 we started ds at pre-school on one morning a week, then after a few weeks went to two mornings, and in the last term before his 4th birthday (he started school straight after) he did 3 mornings.

So he never did more than three mornings at pre-school.

And he settled fine!

As you say there's alot to be gained for BOTH of you by giving him time at home and relishing the time before full time school!

bobbysmum it is utter crap to say children who only go two mornings a week don't settle. It depends on the child.

My DS2 started going to nursery two mornings a week at 18 months and settled instantly.

There's no need for the child to go more often than that at that age. If they and you are happy about it, fine, but if you're not, don't do it. At some of our local schools they are happy for children to cary on going part time throughout reception.

But ... state nurseries have their funding allocated on the basis on five sessions, as far as I am aware.

AbstractMouse - do you ring them and tell them if dd won't be going in? do they seem ok with it?

Most kids do not settle particularly well doing two mornings a week, certainly not in comparison to kids who attend full-time. I own a nursery and can tell you this for a fact.

Just because you want to believe that it was better for your kid because that's how you did it, does not make it utter crap.

Why on earth should children who don't need to for family reasons go to nursery 5 days a week? They don't even have to start school officially until the are 5 (even though they always go the year that turn 5) And why on earth should a nursery frown on people who choose not to send their child one day?

well bobbysmum kids who attend nursery full time are in the nicest possible way, institutionalised so no doubt they are easier and less trouble to deal with for the staff which could be seen as having 'settled' easier.

My ds and countless other children, go for two or three sessions and are absolutely fine and happy. The nursery/pre-school providers have TOLD us this and we have seen the evidence.

Because nursery oweners are very professional, and give parents an honest picture of how the child is, don't they, if they're good.

If there are enough parents who want the fulltime places then IMO they should get the places!

I think to enrol your child fulltime and then conveniently keep not attending is unfair for the parents queueing for fulltime spaces who got turned away.

Those people who don't need the fulltime places and are happy to wait until a child is 4.5 or 5 should be left to do so without being thought weird.

I mean, I don't get where you're coming from to be honest. Are you saying that if we want our kids to have an experience of pre-school with their peers, that we should send them full time instead of giving them a balance between home life and social time?

Both my sons went to playschool. I wanted somthing relaxed for them and they started on 2 mornings. Stick to your guns or go somewhere more geared to play.