To want MNers to be able to ask for opinions / advice

[MilkMonitor]

and still be able to rationally query the opinions / advice if they think that they are not useful, helpful, misguided.

And that they can't do that without trotting out the snippy old, "Well, if you don't want advice love, then don't ask for our opinion,"

It's such BS.

I meant of course:

And that they can do that without someone trotting out the snippy old, "Well, if you don't want advice love, then don't ask for our opinion,"

I think people get a bit snippy if the op gets really defensive or is rude.

what irritates me is the threads were OP asks for advice/ opinions and when something is posted that disagrees with that, the OP gets cross. or other people pitch in and say, 'she didn;t ask for that advice'

if you ask for advice, you get what you are given !

The thing is that advice is not always what you want to hear. If you are asking advice on here you must be prepared for a variety of answers and you should be ready to ignore the ones you don't like
Whingeing when someone says something you don't like won't endear you to people who have taken time to listen to and answer your problem.

You could just ignore the advice if you don;t like it.

I think sometimes Ops should just be honest and say
" i think x and would people broadly just agree with me because i am actually looking for support not advice and i am currently too fragile or defensive to hear anything else"
It would save a lot of time and angst.

I tend not to post unless i really do need a range of views or if the thing I am asking about is general and not deeply personal.

I have taken the precaution of figuring out those people in RL who will never disgaree with you as long as its your round. A very wise move. I love them

But people post so much advice that is formulaic like:

OP: My MIL or my mum is really pissing me off with my baby.

Response: Is it your first baby? Calm down. You're over reacting. You'll soon learn when you have another baby.

Or:

OP: My mum / MIL is a complete cow.

Response:Think yourself lucky you've got a mum / MIL even if they are cows. My mum died when I was 27.

I guess I'm just amazed at the BS some people come out with and the BS some people put up with in the name of being 'laid back' and a relaxed parent. Or something.

too at some responses, op asking the question, as i learnt to my cost, has to learn to grow a thick skin, and ignore what he/she doesnt want to hear

PMSL milkmonitor YAgenerallyNBU
there are a few 'get out of jail free' cards that people use on here and it is tedious sometimes but I wont discuss further or else I'll be drummed out of the brownies! Still it can't be that bad I keep coming back for more

It strikes me that people giving advice get really annoyed if it is questioned by anyone. It's weird. It's almost like "I have spoken. Do not question it."

op; am i being unreasonable?

poster; yes you are

op; how dare you! i came for support not to be judged!

i see alot of that going on and tbh it irritates me, don't post in AIBU if you don't think you are, post in another topic and just have a wee rant.

No, PinkTulips, you've missed my point.

It's when the response "Yes, you are being unreasonable," isn't really well thought out or supported.

The OP is entitled to question it, isn't she/he? Why not?

I get your point pinktulips I do think that sometimes AIBU is for people to post when they know/think they aren't and just need a bit of support!

The response to AIBU is almost invariably YABU

followed by Indignation from the OP

lol

if the op is really going to get upset about one poster though is an internet forum really the place to ask for advice?

if somebody says something that 'isn't really well thought out or supported' the obvious solution is to ignore it and respond the the helpful posts

Haven't been on MN long and maybe it's the threads I pick to read, but so far the clear majority of AIBU threads I have seen are mostly answered with YANBU (with the occasional dissenter)

if you're so sure you're not being unreasonable, why on earth open yourself up to straight talking strangers telling you that , in their view, you are not? its positively inviting it, no?

my first thread was the one posted by TheBod where he was trying to make a point about women who threaten harm to their partners on MN - man, that got heated! And the thing that got me was that some posters just didn't seem to read the other posts properly!

Have since calmed down and skip over the ones that seem prejudiced, uninformed or too personal...

littlelapin

ahhh thumbwitch, but you see not reading previous posts correctly and going off on a rant as a result is classic MN.

tis so entertaining to read

i think the key to MN sanity is remaining at all times emotionally detached from other posters rantings and ravings and finding the funny side of it all.

YABU.

You're asking for opinions and advice, not people to tell you what you want to hear and nothing else.

'It's when the response "Yes, you are being unreasonable," isn't really well thought out or supported. '

It doesn't have to be. You asked for opinions, not justifications and debates about those opinions.

If you wrote your OP and wore it around on a sandwich board and walked round Trafalgar Square all day, you could expect to get all kinds of reactions.

Well, posting stuff under AIBU and asking for opinions is sort of the net equivalent of that.

yy
detachment and humour. thats what you need.

personally i spend so much time looking for the funny threads and cant be arsed to click on things that look like they may be serious or angst ridden. that is so not what i come to piss my time away spend my time doing.

PinkTulips - yes, I know what you mean - it took me a few days to get the hang of it but mostly I have managed it, with one exception so far.