to let my DD get her ears pierced...

[PuppyMonkey]

... if she's 11 years old...?

i begged my mum for ages when i was 4 and she let me as she thought that i would have them done eventually so why not now. i distinctly remember picking out the earrings, not being scared, having it done, it not hurting and caring for them afterwards. i felt very proud of myself and my new gold star earrings. it was never a problem at school and i used to make elaborate earrings for myself for dress ups and could actually wear them. i plan on letting my DD whenever she asks and understands fully.

I have 2 little girls, aged almost 3 and 17 months. They are beautiful, happy and playful little girls. There is nothing that you could do that could make them any 'cuter' and even if I could, why would I want to send them the message that they needed 'improving' or 'enhancing'? They are little girls who should not have to worry about getting hair caught in earrings, infection or anything else. Remember, in China, little girls would have their feet bound as it was seen to be more attractive to have small feet.

11 is a transitional age and there are a lot of changes going on in girls lives at that time, including a need to 'fit in'. I do agree that they can make more reasoned decisions at that age but would need to really discuss why she wanted to have a permanent change to her appearance at age 11?

As I've read in other comments, we wouldn't allow a tattoo. I don't think parents would allow an 11 year old to dye their hair or wear make up (least I hope not!). Let's get to grips with our childrens self image and not let them grow up too soon.

Piercings don't always go smoothly, can lead to significant infections, and do not always heal up if you change your mind. I don't think a four year old could possibly take this on and make an informed choice of their own.

I think that piercing should be much more regulated, not allowed on the high street, and not allowed for young children. If they want to dress up and look like their mums, then use clip ons!

I will strongly discourage my dd from having hers done before she is 16, but I can see some of the arguments about the transition at secondary school age, and quite like the puberty association. But I would be very very careful about where it was done and how, and not because of price or aesthetics. Dirty equipment can transmit infections, not just the pussy (sp!!) ears and get over it sort, but serious infections like hepatitis and HIV.

I had mine done at 16 which was the age that you could do it unaccompanied in Debenhams with a friend (they still rang my mum though to check). It didn't hurt particularly but I got an infection and the backs of the earrings got embedded in my ears. Twenty years later I still cannot wear earrings and my ears still regularly get infected and weep puss and you can feel the knot of scar tissue and see the holes. They do not always heal up!

i dont agree with your comment CeciC, but hey everyones entitled to their opionon.And i think that smacking your child in a supermarket is totally different to a child (who is happy) going around with their ears pierced. how can you connect the two?? {hmm}

soz bout that, the previous msg was in reply to divastrop not CeciC x

Just an update... dd's gone quiet on the matter now, but it will no doubt raise its head again soon. Thanks for all the responses - have been off MN for a few days and look what I missed!! I sparked a whole debate... that's a first.

In Spain they have them done at birth If you have a little girl without them done then people think it's a boy, even if she's dressed head to toe in pink.

i used the smacking of a baby as an example as it would be abuse,as is getting a babies ears pierced.

puppymonkey-this subject has been debated a number of times on here,its up there with breast v bottle and SAHM v WOHM

I am not keen on the use of the word 'abuse'.
I have different views on what constitutes 'abuse'.

I think it's a reasonable age and now at the start of the 6 weeks holidays is the ideal time so she can get 6 weeks wear out of them.

Unless of course her school allows them :D

Both our families (mus husband's and mine) are from Italian, Portuguese and Brazilian descent. It is natural over there to get the babies' ears pierced a few days after birth, in the hospital or at the pediatrician's offfice.

I don't get the big deal out of it. It's just ears, come on! It is not like the baby is getting a tattoo or a pierced belly button. But, then again, I guess it is a cultural thing because here as well as in the US people seem to think that you are abusing your child or something.

I really do not seem the point in all this debate. My daughter had her ears pierced when she was 8 months old and we only waited that long because she was a premature baby and was not allowed to go to crowded places, like malls.

I had my ears pierced at birth and then again when I was 15. It hurt like hell. My daughter cried for two minutes and that was it. We did it at Claire's, used the antiseptic lotion and she never had any problems, nor infections. I did it when she was 8 months because I wanted to spare her the pain of doing it later on, when her cartilage won't be as soft as it is right now and, therefore, it will be much more painful.

To pierce or not to pierce should be a personal choice, like breastfeeding, for instance. I think that labeling as abuse is an obvious exageration of people who do not fully understand what the term means.

Do your kids schools let them wear earrings??? We weren't even allowed a necklace under our uniform! Best way I think. I hope DDs school doesn't allow jewellery. How horrible and chavvy.

I suppose it is each to their own, but personally I consider the idea of piercings, circumcision, tatoos, etc as a 'rite of passage' totally barbaric. I refused to give permission to either of my daughters to have their ears pierced and they both had to wait until they were 16 and able to do it at their own expense.

Ironically they do not seem to wear earings often (ever?) now. One has a shoulder length ear covering bob and the other has long curly hair which used to get painfully caught up in earrings.

I reckon as mothers, we have a duty of care to our children which includes preventing any unneccessary pain or potential harm. I have never been able to understand why perfectly reasonable, nice friends/relatives would deliberatly subject their children to these practices, or deem them 'cute', but I do realise I am in the minority on this one.

I haven't read the whole thread but I wasn't allowed my ears pierced until I left school. My mum always said that earring don't go with school uniform and they're not appropriate for PE. Fair enough - although I always wanted them done before. She said that as soon as I finished my last GSCE and no longer had to wear school uniform I could have my ears pierced, and I did! Literally that afternoon!

I don't know what I'll do when dd starts asking (20m so I have a while!) but to be honest I kind of agree with my mum!

i know perfectly well what the term 'abuse' means ,thank you,and i would consider inflicting uneccassary pain on a small baby to be abusive.the 'it doesnt hurt as much when they're babies' argument is pathetic.how do you know?its not like they can tell you.

i had my 2nd holes done when i was 19 and it didnt hurt atall,but i have a high pain threshold.

as i said,this has debated a few times on here,and the 'cultural' thing came up on on thread,yet nobody could explain what place the peircing of babies ears actually had in their culture.

probly been said a gazillion times already on this thread, but let me make it one more time
i tell dd she can have hers done aged 16, when she can handle the pain and the cleanliness herself. however, if she insists and seems mature enough, then i will relent when she is 11, just before secondary transfer.
the boys imo, need to wait till they are 35 (yes, i know, incredibly sexist!)

I don't agree with young children that don't have a say in the matter of having there ears pierced I think it,s cruel. I think you should wait till your child is old enough to ask for them doing and to understand how it's done etc. I got mine done for my 13th Birthday, it didn't bother me waiting till then. I'd also advise anyone who gets any piercing to go to a proper piercing shop like pro body piercing, there great there and they give you good advise how to look after the piercings afterwards, and they're properly qualified, and sterile too.

Ear piercing is definitely down to individual choice but to say that parents are inflicting unnecessary pain on their children is something I would disagree with.
Both my girls had theirs done when they were one,I did it for their 1st birthday,they had a few seconds of pain and were a little tender for a couple of days but for me it was important to have it done.
I agree with some who said it is a cultural thing,I know that in Bangladesh a lot of girls have their ears pierced as soon as possible after birth.
I suppose all in all,it's a vanity thing.

so why is it important to have it done?is there something in your culture that says something bad will happen if a baby doesnt have their ears peirced?is there some sort of health reason?is it only girls who get it done,if so,why?

i dont think the fact its 'a few seconds of pain' is justification really.i mean,smacking a babies bum would only be a few seconds of pain,but it would still be child abuse.

Babies with pierced ears make me shudder! To me that smacks of child abuse as babies can't chose, can they. And before anyone starts, I have lots of piercings and tattoos (as has t'other one) all of which were my choice. My daughter had hers done at 6, but only after she'd nagged us for a year (that was the deal - if she nagged for a year she really wanted them done). Now, of course, she hardly ever wears any earrings. Kids eh

the body, including ear lobes keep growing, the later they are pierced the better and choose where to have it done carefuly to avoid unsightly placed earings as an adult (claires saturday girls give me no confidence)but its your choice and i wished my mum had allowed before 16, felt very left out at the time but grateful now

Half the kindy (age 5/6) girls in my kids' very conservative private school here in Australia have pierced ears so I'm guessing it's socially acceptable, so once DD starts school next year I'm expecting her to start asking. The school asks that parents only allow piercing during the long Summer holiday in order to allow them to heal so they can be taken out if necessary so that will give her a year to hassle me and make her nearly 7 before she could get them done which seems ok to me. We all pierced each others' ears with ice and a darning needle when we were 13 so I would prefer it professionally done!!!!!

My family are early piercers, mine were done at 6 weeks, as were every other cousins (we are all in our 20s now) my dd1 was taken by an aunt and cousin at 15 weeks to have hers done, same cousin had her baby girls done at 6 weeks a few months ago, my dd2 is the black sheep, still un-pierced at 15 months, she wont be getting hers done until shes quite a bit older, family all think i'm odd for not getting them done, apparently she looks like a boy.....my answer, the kid has the hugest mushroom hair, and even if she wore pat butchers earrings you still wouldnt see them!