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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

friend wants nintendo ds game as gift for her 5yo

46 replies

yvonnek · 03/07/2008 16:15

when i asked my friend what she wanted for her 5 y o birthday she asked for games for his ds??

she got offended when i said i didn't think it was appropriate a boy of his age had a gaming device at this age.

she's giving him the ds as his present

OP posts:
LadyOfTheFlowers · 03/07/2008 16:17

BILs kids are 5 and 4 and each have a DS and a Wii between them.
I don't think it is appropriate either.

glaskham · 03/07/2008 16:18

different people different views on the console, i personally wouldn't like it for a 5yo, but DH would jump at the chance!! As for asking for games on the DS aren't they like £30-40 a time??? thats a big ask for a 5yo's birthday???

lulumama · 03/07/2008 16:18

well, you are clearly in disagreement about what is appropriate. also, surely the games are really expensive and more than most people would spend on their friend's child? about £30 each , no?

am not anti gaming devices as long as they are used in a supervised manner and do not become all consuming, if a child has lots of other interests, hobbies and outdoor play, then some quiet time on a game is ok, IMO

jsut not when it is unsupervised and all the time

MingMingtheWonderPet · 03/07/2008 16:20

Guess that I wouldn't have said that. It is up to her what she buys for her DS, and 5 is not totally unreasonable imo. Not too different to watching tv. Agree it is a bit much to ask for a game as they are expensive, but you could always get a voucher or combine with someone to get it?

Nagapie · 03/07/2008 16:21

Sorry, YABU even though I do agree with you about the DS...

If you don't like her suggestion, perhaps you can buy her DS something you think a 5yo might enjoy ... Hawkin's Bazaar always has a few cheapies that my nephews love!!

FluffyMummy123 · 03/07/2008 16:21

Message withdrawn

CristinaTheAstonishing · 03/07/2008 16:23

Good idea about vouchers towards a game. I never spend that kind of money on presents.

LadyOfTheFlowers · 03/07/2008 16:23

So? A bit expensive methinks.

lilyloo · 03/07/2008 16:24

You can get ds games in asda for £15

My ds has a ds and plays on it intermittantly. I don't think she was asking for your comment on her present and she was only giving you a suggestion when you asked her so yes i think yabu.

Just get him something else instead.

PuppyMonkey · 03/07/2008 16:27

You can get used DS games dead cheap in some of the games shops. Get him Brain Training if you are so opposed to the principle of DS!

FranSanDisco · 03/07/2008 16:29

The games are a bit expensive so I personally wouldn't ask people to buy them as that's a bit rude. However, I wouldn't say someone's present choice was inappropriate either as that is rude so basically YABU but you are both RUDE.

yvonnek · 03/07/2008 16:32

she always spends over the odds buying my kids presents.

i kinds feel obliged to spend similiar on hers

money not the issue

i wasn't rude when i said i didn't think it was appropriate, i was asking if there was something else i could. she said "no, doesn't need anything else"

i'm all in favour of board games, role play and physical outdoor gifts at that age.

and without trying to sound nasty, he was a late developer and very anti social, don't think giving him a gaming device that encourages him to sit in a corner by himself is any good. he had speech issues, has only just in the past few months learned how to string proper conversations together about stuff and stopped wearing nappies.

the speech therapist said the problem was down to him and not a learning difficulty.

ooooh dear i feel a rant coming on..

excuse me while i compose myself. this lady is the wife of my dh's friend. i have to put up with her. wether or not i like it.

the potty training i feel was her fault.

she would lether the poor boy when he wet himself in public.

OP posts:
Blandmum · 03/07/2008 16:34

That is a lot of money for a gift for a child!

ds had one at that age and he is fine, but I never asked for games as gifts from other peopl! quite that someone would

2point4kids · 03/07/2008 16:38

If you ask what someone wants for their DCs birthday then its a bit weird to turn around and say 'thats not appropriate i'd rather get him a board game'
If you'd rather get him a board game, why did you ask what he wanted?
YABU

FranSanDisco · 03/07/2008 16:41

If you really are against buying a game then don't. These games can be social. My 2 "share" the games between their DS's and play together nicely. They also go outside to the fresh air and play on the trampoline . There will always be parents we meet who have different and even bizarre parenting ideas. However unless they are damaging their child we have to accept them. My sil doesn't believe in children having or receiving books - won't buy mine any when asked as doesn't feel they are a "present". Thinks they should be outside playing all the time (out of her hair more like). Now that's bizarre

HackedOffByGossip · 03/07/2008 16:43

He's her son, not yours, so surely what she buys him for his birthday is her business.

If you don't want to buy him a game then don't, but don't preach to her about what you think is an appropriate gift for her child.

tissy · 03/07/2008 16:48

buy him clothes, then, a cool top or trousers?

Boys always need clothes!

We bought my dd's friend some "spy binoculars" from John Lewis for a tenner, he loved them!

sparklesandnowinefor4months · 03/07/2008 16:50

I think the issue is that you don't like/agree with her parenting not the game itself

DS1 only got his DS last yr for his 9th bday as i thought he was too young for it before, and also made him save half the cost so he would appreciate the value of it more (hard mummy emoticon) but now DS3 who is 3 plays away on it too!! although he's very limited to what games and for how long

you can pick up games cheaply second hand, or buy a gift card from a shop like Game or just buy him something else!!

I don't think its reasonable to ask for a DS game from a friend as they are on the whole too expensive but i also think you were rude to comment on her choice of present, my friends DS has SN and has said the DS has helped his concentration, motor skills and counting - all depends on what games you buy i suppose!!

yvonnek · 03/07/2008 16:52

ok ok

i'm getting the impression i'm being unreasonable from the response.

fine,

i'll get her vouchers for toys r us, then i can think to myself she'll spend it on something not gaming related.

when i know in truth she'll get him a game where he's shooting prostitutes.

lol

(only joking, no one bite my head off again, i know you can get ones where they do nice things like look after dogs)

OP posts:
nametaken · 03/07/2008 16:54

I don't think YABU - I think it's really rude to ask someone for a £30 present and when you ask if there's an alternative (which less face it, what you're actually saying is "is there anything else he'd like which costs less coz I don't have that kind of money) to say no, just the £30 present thanks - jeez, some people just have the manners of a pig!!!!!

Nice people give a selection of gift ideas in various price ranges.

Just get the bloody game - perhaps that will make the greedy little piggy happy. And when she asks what you'd like for yours, say "nothing thanks they've already got everything they need".

And if it's your dh friend, let him bloody do see to it.

yvonnek · 03/07/2008 16:59

dh doesn't agree with the game either.

if i buy something else, she'll ask for the receipt to return.

she can be very rude. asked me a couple of years back to pay for her presents cash so if she didn't like them she could get cash back and she wasn't restricted to whatever shop i bought from to get something in exchange.

OP posts:
Twiglett · 03/07/2008 17:02

fark! they're bloody expensive, I'd laugh in her face .. unless you can get one for a fiver that is

nametaken · 03/07/2008 17:47

Do you know what, I really don't think you need a "friend" like this in your life.

Why on earth are you friends with her?

Hulababy · 03/07/2008 18:02

Well my DD has a DS age 5y and it hasn't done her any harm.

I think you were wrong to be so judgemental to her. You asked her a question and she replied. Yu did not need to give the response you did which was very obviously meant o judge and cause offense.

Why did you not just ask for additional suggestions?

I would imagine your friend is pretty peeved with you. I would have been at the time. Hardly a friend type thing to do surly?

And depending on rleationship to child it isn't necessarily a big ask for a present - you can get DS games from £10 upwards.

Hulababy · 03/07/2008 18:06

OK - seen your updates now... I naughtly replied just to OP before.

I still think YABU regarding your response to her DS having a games console by the way.

However, she adoes sounds very rude. I would just get a voucher and leave her to it. Or buy him a book.