friend wants nintendo ds game as gift for her 5yo

[yvonnek]

when i asked my friend what she wanted for her 5 y o birthday she asked for games for his ds??

she got offended when i said i didn't think it was appropriate a boy of his age had a gaming device at this age.

she's giving him the ds as his present

"don't think giving him a gaming device that encourages him to sit in a corner by himself is any good. he had speech issues, has only just in the past few months learned how to string proper conversations together about stuff and stopped wearing nappies.

the speech therapist said the problem was down to him and not a learning difficulty."

what are you getting at by "down to him"? Are you implying this child is lazy? It is quite possibly to have a specific language impairment - i.e. a language delay without any other Learning Difficulties.

I let my DS who has language problems have a go on My Console - in limited amounts I think it's OK, possibly even beneficial - obviously I can't speak for this lad, but my boy is very visual, so having the games images to comment on helps him communicate with me.

"don't think giving him a gaming device that encourages him to sit in a corner by himself is any good. he had speech issues, has only just in the past few months learned how to string proper conversations together about stuff and stopped wearing nappies.

the speech therapist said the problem was down to him and not a learning difficulty."

what are you getting at by "down to him"? Are you implying this child is lazy? It is quite possibly to have a specific language impairment - i.e. a language delay without any other Learning Difficulties.

I let my DS who has language problems have a go on My Console - in limited amounts I think it's OK, possibly even beneficial - obviously I can't speak for this lad, but my boy is very visual, so having the games images to comment on helps him communicate with me.

also having an interest that is likely to be shared by his contemporaries is also I think a good thing in terms of helping a child with language problems talk to his contemporaries.

"down to him" therapist said he was "needing more social enteractment to bring his speech on"

that was what she said therapist said. put some blame on her too for using too much baby talk and made up words.

he greatly improved in all ways once began nursery.

anyway, we're off the subject.

i did ask her politely if there was anything else she wanted instead of ds game,

not in the way i seem to have put accross.

i never at any time told her i thought it was innapprpriate.

just asked "was there anything else"

and was told "no - he doesn't need anything"

In your OP you say:

"she got offended when i said i didn't think it was appropriate a boy of his age had a gaming device at this age."

Yet, now say : "i never at any time told her i thought it was innapprpriate."

So, which is it? The updates aprroach seems fine, but the OP apprach defiitely not.

i'm so bad at this

half responding to different responses.

i never said it was inapprorpiate to ask for gift.

did say inappropriate to have console.

i'm private mailing someone at same time about this, sorry folks.

thanks for your reply to my questions yvonnek, it was a bit of a side issue I was picking you up on.

I can see both sides to this one - as I can see why she would be offended that you feel her choice of gift for her child is inappropriate =- equally though if you've been polite enough to ask your friend what to buy, she could have suggested something else other than the DS game if you weren't comfortable with that.

You sound very judgemental about his speech delay. Why is anyone to 'blame?' He may be a late developer. You can get a cheap ds game from the sales online. Try Play.com.

Well, I still think it was wrong of you to say the console was inappropriate TBH. It was bound to cause offence as you were clearly judging her.

i'm not judgemental. just answering questions from other users about it.

no problem total.

i'm gonna give her vouchers for toys r us.

and not for the value of some of these more expensive ones.

maybe if i stop giving her the expensive gifts she asks for then she'll start asking for less expensive ones.

I have a friend who gives expensive gifts to my DCs. I never feel the need to reciprocate with expensive gifts, just something I think her DCs would like.

I tend to choose presents that I think a child would like. I very very rarely ask parents what their children want - or childrens presents are entirely limited by the imagination of their parents.
some of my childrens lovliest gifts have been things I never would have thought of.

I would personally suggest that you keep you views about the appropriateness of her gift choices to yourself.
My son has profound speech delay and yet is extrememly able on computers etc. I indulge this passion because it is great for him to have a relatively cool area of play in amongst so many that his peers do easily and he finds difficult.
He has enough time in his life when he is different - doing his speech therapy when his friends are shouting and gabbling at each other. His birthday is one time when we would prefer to treat him like a boy rather than a boy with SN.

His sister is 5 and has a DS. It is one of a million things she plays with and does. it is not a bad toy. It is , like many things, only bad if it becomes a sole or obsessive focus.

I think asking for a gift that cost £30 is more socking then the child having a ds.

Both mine have them and they are a god send on long car trips after I spy has been done to death and travel battleship is now bits missing down the back of the seat.

The cost is one thing, which I can understand.
Dh wanted to get a Wii. I was totally against it. Ds is only 4.5. But my sil who works in a school, and also as a special co-ordinator for children with disabilities, says that they are highly recommended now. They improve co-ordination, concentration, all sorts of things.
Limited play, of course.
We only play ours once a week/fortnight.
They are now recommending that children have used both computers and games such as wii, ds, before they come to school !!!!

Who are "they" Oblomov, and where do they recommend that

My son was on his computer this morning. Did a wordpaint thingy what-ever-it-is-called and saved it to his file.
he learnt this at nursery. Like I say he is only 4.5.
Ds, wi, computers, what is the difference ?

For those that are toally anti wi,ds,computers, it sounds as though You may be a bit out of touch with what is recommended for 5 yr olds.

I will have to ask my sil, nametaken and get back to you.
But I think my understanding was that most schools and general educationally establishments, now seem to hold this view.

Give him some dressing up clothes or a rain stick or a xylophone or a magnifying glass. Anything except a DS game. It is your DUTY to introduce nice toys and pastimes into this child's life if his mother is isn't going to!

Personally I find that my child is able to incorporate all manner of activities into her life. Having a games console or computer does not exclude other activities in her life. It is just one of many she is able to enjoy.

Why on earth do people think that if a child has a games console it means they don't do all the other children's activities? Very narrow view IMO.

What Hula said.

I think YABU but I can empathise with where you are coming from.

I have twins aged five, who desperately wanted DS's for Christmas last year as their older (teenage) cousins have them. I decided to say that Father Christmas would probably think that they are too young and would get them toys instead, and they seemed quite happy about this...

Until when they went back to school after the Christmas holidays and good old Santa had bought most of the children in their classes DS's and Nintendo Wii's, Gamecubes etc etc.

And I will have to add that none of these children are braindead computer game addicts, infact quite the opposite.

So I have decided to accept that times have changed and that we are in a technological age where children use tablet computers and PCs at school, and it is all the norm nowadays.

And this year, Santa will be bringing the twins DS's.