Don’t want to go to the party

[Apartyinvite]

I am part of a group of about 10. (Hobby)
One member of the group is having a very extravagant party at her villa in St Tropez in April next year. She has just sent out a ‘save the date’
i am on friendly terms with the group. No falling out. I am particularly close to one person who I would call a friend. Not much in common with the others apart from the hobby.
But I really don’t want to go to this two day party.
I just really don’t want to spend money on a holiday with people I have little in common with.
I cannot think of any plans I could have that would be that far in advance.
WWYD?

Just decline the invitation when it comes.
There's a lot of expense involved and if you don't really want to go, nobody will force you!

Warm weather, lovely food, exotic location, nice people... I'd go

Fair enough. I wouldn't. I'd prefer to spend my money on going somewhere I want to go to. San Tropez is not one of those places.

And I definitely wouldn't be spending my money going somewhere I don't want to go to, with a bunch of people I have nothing in common with.

If OP knows she’s not going to go, it’s better to say ‘no thanks’ now, rather than later. The party host might have a list of people she wants to invite, but not enough space to do so, so might appreciate the heads up now.

I had a significant birthday last year, and invited overseas friends via an earlier save the date, so that they could book flights etc. It was by no means a summons, and I made that clear. The majority of them came, but a couple couldn’t, and let me know early. I was therefore able to allocate their invitations to other people (I was limited on space).

How ridiculous to think that. How is it ‘full of oneself’ to give overseas guests an early heads up? We sent save the dates when we got married, for our overseas guests, mostly DH’ family and friends (he’s from another European country, but we married in mine); thus the people who did want to come could book flights as far ahead as possible. Guests in the same country as the wedding just received regular invitations nearer the time.

Just say no thank you now.

I don’t think she’ll be expecting everyone invited to attend, especially as it’s abroad.

When you get the invite, just politely decline.

Sorry just needed to point out, it’s not “San” Tropez. It’s Saint (or St) which in French sounds a lot like ‘san’ so I guess that’s where the confusion lies.

This isn’t something to angst over. Just say thanks for thinking of me, it’s unlikely I will be able to attend, hope you’ve a fab time. You’re not a critical invitee, so don’t behave like one.

Because that’s where this woman has a house?

Honestly, OP, are you very young? You’re allowed to just not to want to do something, you know.

OMG so it is! Sorry. Eeeejit I am!

I was just spelling it phonetically. Didn't realise it was Saint Tropez!

That is one case when I would find it acceptable. The save the dates I've had have all been for events (usually weddings) in this country. One of these was sent more than a year before the wedding itself. I don't want to have my life planned out for me that far ahead by someone else. I truly believe it is a sign of people thinking they and their event are far more important than anything I could possibly have planned for myself.
Can anyone pinpoint when save the days became a thing? I know they are now part of wedding planning packages so I think people don't even think of not doing it. That doesn't make it a good/nice/thoughtful thing to do though.

The thing is, IMO, whether people can actually afford the cost is beside the point. Even if they can, they may well have better uses for that money - and for the time involved.

Yes, it’s baffling to me too. How do people function in life if this level of “dilemma” is too hard to deal with?

Surely it’s really obvious. If you are planning something with a group, you let them know early when it’s going to be so they don’t double book. Giving it a name of “save the date” (aka “provisional dates”) doesn’t make is any different from how people make plans all the time. My calendar is full of provisional dates for things next year. The people who will be also potentially going will have the same provisional dates in their calendar. Do people really not do that, wait til a couple of weeks before and see if anyone is available?

I know it is important for her, so perhaps I want to decline and not offend at the same time? I thought it would be obvious. Clearly not if you are so “baffled” by not wanting to upset someone.

Just politely thank her for the invite but tell her unfortunately you won't be able to go. If she just someone you know through a hobbie and is not a close friend, why would she be offended?

i know for a fact she will be offended if I don’t have a valid reason to decline the invite. Hence the problem.

So? That’s for her to deal with. No is a complete sentence.

The event is important to her but unless she has very few actual friends, I doubt she will be offended if acquaintances from her hobby group don’t attend.

But even if she has few friends it would be very unreasonable of her to expect people she barely knows to travel for a party, especially to a very expensive destination. Don’t stress about it 😀

Surely the valid reason is it's too far for you to travel to for such a short trip (unless you actually live near St Tropez🤔).

You're declining a holiday, not an interview with the DWP, you don't need a "valid reason" not to go.

Well presumably its in St Tropez and not London or Manchester because thats where the friend's villa is. It will probably actually be cheaper for people to fly there and have free accommodation than getting a train to edinburgh and having to pay for rental of a large property. Some people on here really do just like to bitch.

I was thinking of waiting for the invite then saying no.
Everyone else seems really excited about it

I'd decline now, otherwise everyone will be wondering why you don't join in with the excitement. You won't be the only one, surely?

And it's very rude, unkind even, to string the host along if you have no intention of going.

I just tell people that I appreciate the invitation hugely but I am not a party person and large gatherings are not my thing. There’s no comeback then!