Don’t want to go to the party

[Apartyinvite]

I am part of a group of about 10. (Hobby)
One member of the group is having a very extravagant party at her villa in St Tropez in April next year. She has just sent out a ‘save the date’
i am on friendly terms with the group. No falling out. I am particularly close to one person who I would call a friend. Not much in common with the others apart from the hobby.
But I really don’t want to go to this two day party.
I just really don’t want to spend money on a holiday with people I have little in common with.
I cannot think of any plans I could have that would be that far in advance.
WWYD?

It's highly likely that she's not really expecting you to go. You don't need to respond to a save the date so just wait for the invite and then decline.

Reply with "Thank you for the invite but I will be unable to attend".
That's all you need to do.

You don't have to go and you don't have to give a reason other than that you are not able to attend. It's an invitation not a summons. Of course you don't have to go if you don't want to!

Sorry I won't be able to join you,but sounds fabulous, have a fantastic time x

You only need to respond to a save the date if you suspect that your presence is NN or if you know that the guest list is really tight and they would want to ask someone else. In this case, no need to respond at all.

'Sounds wonderful but I can't make it. Many thanks for the invitation'.
If she is rude enough to ask why you can't make it , say it's out of your budget.

Just say sorry I can’t make it.

No one needs a reason.

This is perfect!

I know it’s just a save the date, but personally OP I’d send that now then you can forget about it, and you won’t have to do the whole thing again when the invite plops.

I understand - i agonise over things like this as I feel I’m causing some offence, but in reality that’s not the case, and most people who organise overseas or expensive events, understand. So you’ve made your decision which can also be difficult, just do a positive and friendly thanks but sorry and have a great time!

This. And if pressed be honest! They shouldn't assume everyone has the money or wants to spend it like this.

Oh and if someone is really rude and asks why, we’ve had it done to us many times, Say it’s above your budget.

in our case it always was but people seem to not believe us.

“Thanks so much for the invitation, unfortunately I won’t be able to make it but hope you have a wonderful time”.

Job done. You don’t need an excuse.

A 'save the date' doesn't require a response does it? Just tick the 'no' box whenever you receive the actual invite.

Not out of budget, your finances are nobody's business.

Say you have other plans / diary clash.

I was thinking of waiting for the invite then saying no.
Everyone else seems really excited about it

I would give them the heads up now that the date doesn't work. Better now as soon as the date comes out.

They'll probably be just glad to get a response one way or another early on so they can plan numbers. Go with one of the polite 'thanks but I can't make it' suggestions that PP's have given. I agree, there's no need to give an explanation.

Do people really grapple with these dilemmas?

I don't know anyone (rich or poor) who wouldn't say 'sorry that's a bit too far afield for me' and think no more of it.

It is depressing how many people seem to spend their money appeasing other people.

I think that's the right thing to do, both
for you and, also, it's the correct etiquette. "Save the dates" are not invitations. In fact I think they are ridiculous and only sent by people who are full of themselves.

Usually yes you wait to respond to an invitation but perhaps saying you won't be able to attend now may be a good thing for a number of reasons. 1. It gets it over and done with. 2. It helps the person with numbers and there may be someone they hadn't invited they can now invite.

Just decline then? I’m confused about why this needs any discussion

Yeah that's a bit extra! Many people couldn't afford to attend a 2-day party in flippin' San Tropez. I've had many times in my life when I couldn't have afforded this. I could now (bit older, no mortgage, no DC at home,) but I still wouldn't go. I simply wouldn't spend my money on a party in another country. Does she think she's Kim Kardashian or Leonardo DiCaprio?! 😆

It seems really showy too. San Tropez FGS.🙄 Why not London? That's got a lot going for it. Even Manchester or Edinburgh!

Also think you could say 'I can't afford it' but I understand that some people don't want to admit that. It shouldn't be anything to feel embarrassed about, but some people don't feel comfortable sharing this information.

.

Personally I would get in now with saying no, before the excited ones start to reconsider the cost nearer the time and the inviter is understandably pissed off!

Decline now or they may assume you're going and start planning activities and organising budgets.

Just say thank you for the invite but you can't make it and hope they all have a lovely time.

St Tropez? Well if it is all being paid by her feel free to send the invite my way however as I assume it is not then just say nothing unless pushed and then just that the dates don't suit. Some people have notions!