For not lending money to my sister

[BabydollDance]

My sister has unfortunately flooded her house by leaving a tap when filling the bath. It’s damaged flooring up and down, the ceiling and some furniture. She has now told me that she isn’t insured and can’t afford to pay for everything so has asked for money from us.

We don’t lend money due to previously not getting it back when we have lent it to others. We have given her money a few times before when she had a problem, the last time was about 5 years ago. Her children were still living with her then so I felt more need to help.

We aren’t particularly close but keep in touch. I’ve said we can’t help her this time but she has told our father and he has now asked us to help her. We told him we are not helping her again but he keeps bringing it up. He isn’t in a position to help her through his own incompetence with money. I’ve said she will have to get a loan or put it on a credit card. She works part time and says she can’t work more due to her health and paid off her mortgage a few years ago so can live ok until a big bill like this comes in. AIBU to not lend her money?

I'd pay for insurance for the first year. That would be my gesture and it would be a gift with no repayment needed. She can sort everything else out herself.

At least that way, she can claim off the insurance for anything BIG if it were to happen and leave you alone!

OK I can hear the howls of derision from my sofa here.....

This.

If the water was only running for a few hours, she'll have a stained or warped ceiling, stained floor, carpet etc. How can that be unsafe?

She needs to leave them to dry naturally and then save up for the repairs. Why do they need to be done immediately?

Don’t blame you for not wanting to loan her the money. Can your dad not help her?

Last year a close family member asked me for a loan of £25k. We were not in a position to lend them anything like this much and didn’t lend them anything. They had also borrowed money in the past (£1k) and not paid it back. I did offer to help a little and assist them in budgeting but they did not take me up on this. It did strain our relationship for a few months but we are fine now.

Exasperating.

If you are very comfortable financially and in truth would be able to help without compromising your lifestyle I probably would help to mitigate the immediate emergency, on a pay back agreement.

You don’t have to, you are not obliged, this lack of insurance is her own fault.

But sometimes within families you go ahead, roll your eyes and help out anyway.

How old is she, OP? Surely she shouldn't be working part time if that means cutting back on house insurance. Does she live with a partner?

You say "you can'tbplan for everything". But it sounds like your sister actually does have a plan for everything - which is to ask you for money.

Well done on shutting this down.

Why is it your responsibility to pay for her mistakes & failure to plan?
If she can’t get a loan, She can get a mortgage secured on the property to pay for repairs. She doesn’t get to pay off her original mortgage, fail to insure, go part time & rely on you to cover any problems.

If she can’t afford to do that, then selling and renting/downsizing is her option.

She wasn’t living within her means, time she started to.

My response depends on your financial situation,.if you're very well off, tens/hundreds of thousands in the bank and she needs a couple of thousand that you can afford to lose I'd give it. Event to a sibling I'm not close to. If it would put you out significantly I wouldn't. You can't take it with you, and if you've enough to do plus a bit extra I'd give it. I have in the past.

You won’t get this money back.

As you said, she can get a loan or get a new mortgage to pay for it.

Were I an insurance company, I would refuse to insure this damaged house.

Happened to us. Cost the insurance £14000 in hire charges and electricity to get it dry (water tank burst in the loft while on holiday). I don't even know how much the repairs were but we had to move out.

How much does she still owe you from before?

A family member did this and they flooded their house and the water went through to their neighbours. Does your sister live in a detached house? IRC it was damaged by the humidity as well as the initial water.

My family had to move out for months with industrial dehumidifiers going non stop and there was quite a lot of renovation work needed.

How much has she asked for as I think it would probably be a drop in the ocean.

I doubt this is a quick Google and DIY solution, particularly if it’s not detached and if it’s not dealt with properly there could be wet or dry rot or damp or mould, not to mention electrical issues.

Who leaves a bath on long enough to create such damage? Didn't she notice?
No surprise your Dad who's bad with money is pressuring you to lend/donate her money...

By paying you are enabling her to continue her badly planned lifestyle.
Its not a loan, its a gift. If she cannot afford insurance I doubt she could pay you back.
i would just say I didn’t have that sort of money …. All your excess cash goes into your mortgage and pensions.

The op is not a bank

Does she not have buildings insurance?

Also, if she's unwell enough to work more than part time, is she claiming PIP or UC??