To despair at the crap some people feed their kids

[Apotofrealcoffee]

Currently watching a kid who can’t be more than age 3, tuck in to a packet of ‘squashie’ sweets on the bus. No sign of a tantrum, kid seems perfectly happy looking out the window, but out come the sweets. And to pre empt the ‘snobbery’ thing, the parent seems middle class to me and certainly eloquent.

I regularly see kids tucking into chocolate bars, packets of crisps, lollies, all on the school run. Many of them toddlers in their buggies dropping off older siblings. Parents meeting kids at the school gate with full packets of Oreos, bottles of pop, doughnuts.

I’ve been trying not to judge for years and have been repeatedly told it’s ’just one snapshot of their day’ but honestly, I feel like the time for judgement has entered. I have never fed my toddlers crap like that, let alone just after breakfast. My 3 year old has never had a fizzy drink.

Why, just why! AIBU to feel there needs to be some kind of very direct public health campaign at this point? Maybe even a ‘no sweets at the school gate’ rule?

Totally agree but think it's wider than just individuals. We have a poor food culture. I am regularly dismayed at amounts of food served in restaurants and cafes. Portions of chips no one needs. And the tendency to pile chips onto kids meals. And then there's selling sweet and unnecessary snacks mid morning to kids in school because a tuck shop makes a bit of money. It ought to be unacceptable.

A nonsensical reply. I think maybe you intended to reply to a different poster @MrsBananaman but yes, all those food items are delicious.

I wouldn’t give a 3 year old squasies anyway. They could easily get stuck in their throat. They shouldn’t eat when travelling anyway. If the bus has to do an emergency brake that can cause them to choke. So yes I would be judging.

You seem overly invested in what other people are doing and very judgemental.
We all live different lives, have different ideas, different amounts of free time, different parenting methods, different amounts of money available

Why are you observing other people for a while? What is it adding to your life?

None?! Seriously none. You really think that?! Come on now. All food contains some nutrients 😂😂😂 it’s chocolate not a lump of stone.

I never particularly monitored what other parents were doing but the school used to really piss me off.

The rule was supposed to be "no unhealthy stuff in lunchboxes" so you couldn't give them something like a home made muffin which might have had some sugar but could also have had some healthy veg in it.

Yet every week she would emerge from school clutching some absolute junk because "it was Jane's birthday" or "we all got a treat after gym club" or something similar.

Not having access to an nhs dentist is probably an even bigger factor.

I was you when I had a singular 3 year old. Then I observed all these families having way more fun than mine. Because I was so busy ensuring everything was perfect that I forgot kids are people. They don't need you to do everything perfectly to be happy and well and healthy. The 80/20 rule applies to everything.

There's also the fact some kids are more compliant and more well than others, my eldest spent a lot of time in hospital, we almost lost him a few times, it was terrible. I read a story from a mum whose kid had the same condition and her child died in her sleep from a seizure, shed asked for ice cream the night before and they'd had an argument and she'd gone to bed upset. Then died. Her mum everyday wishes she'd given her ice cream, it wouldn't have kept her alive but they'd have a happier last memory.

It doesn't mean always give the ice cream but for me at the time I read it in the crisis we were in I realized you have to live with and for your kids, your family needs joy and good times and silly treats, it's all part of the fabric of life.

You've read the books, I did too, the articles, perhaps you're in science like me and you were determined to follow the right set of instructions. All great, all fine but honestly there's more to life. If you're sat on a bus judging a mum for giving her child a sweety how happy are you yourself day to day? There's joy in getting to know other mums, the friends I've made from varied lives and backgrounds by sharing in motherhood with them.

Honestly chill out, you don't need to be perfect and noones arsing up parenthood or not as good as you if they delay bedtime to dance in the kitchen a little longer or give into a request to bake cupcakes and have to stay up late to decorate them. It's ok to enjoy life and do it with your kids. You'll be dead one day and those are the days your kids will remember.

I lost my mum at 30 and my memories from childhood of her making a buffet dinner of freezer food and us all eating it as a picnic in front of a VHS movie. Going for a walk beyond the capability of my legs to get ice lollies in summer, my dad sneaking us to the shop for sweeties after church, the ice cream van on a Thursday and getting screwballs.

It's ok to give in a little, life's for living.

My mum wasn't obese by the way, she was a tiny size 8 woman who died of a congenital heart defect. Not because she let us have cocktail sausages for dinner sometimes.

It’s not so much about teeth ( tho important) it’s more the idea of a good breakfast to start the day and help them concentrate

I try to go for "all things in moderation" with my daughter so I also agree with the 'snapshot' thing.
She's nearly four and she is allowed chocolate, biscuits, cake, even the occasional jelly baby if her dad has a packet in the car. But not all the time and not huge servings.
One of our favourite little rituals at the moment is to share a packet of Cadbury Magic Stars while we walk home from nursery on a Thursday (it's a hefty walk for a little kid, about 30-40 minutes at her pace) and it's just a really nice little thing to do.
I could probably do the same thing with plain popcorn or raisins or something, but we like magic stars and I don't mind if people look at me aghast for it and assume that she'll be chugging two litres of coke to wash it down! 🤣

Did you mean to respond to me?

I know my kid doesn't eat healthy food due to his food restrictions but I also know that I'm raising him well.

I’m glad you don’t, neither do I. But I expect a lot of people give their kids ham sandwiches every day whilst restricting sugar because it’s so “bad”.

This was common in the 90s when I was at school. Packed lunches were a sandwich, yoghurt, fruit, a sweet snack and crisps. The difference was (for me anyway) I had breakfast (cereal usually), my packed lunch at school, then a proper homecooked dinner.

This was the norm for lots of people and there wasn't the snack every 5 minute culture like nowadays and takeaways certainly weren't something people had all the time due to cost, people complain they have no money nowadays, well back then people certainly didn't have the money for endless snacks or takeawayd. I had sweets but that would be bought with my £1 pocket money on a Saturday morning and I certainly didn't feel like a deprived child.

Excellent post!
Exclusive breastfeeding for at least six months, starting from birth, reduces the likelihood that babies will become overweight or obese.

of course restricting makes the kid want it more that's what some parents don't realise. My mum raised me vegetarian, organic, no squash/juice only freshly made, everything homemade. No sweets. The minute I got my school lunch money in secondary id spend it on chippy and unhealthy stuff lol. I also developed both bulimia as a teen and anorexia as an adult. My children are allowed treats and don't go crazy for them. They haven't asked for anything from Halloween since Sunday afternoon because a big bag of sweets sitting there doesn't entice them. They actually prefer cucumber carrot and hummus for a snack 😂

If a child doesn’t eat crap and cleans their teeth properly the vast majority don’t need a dentist.

I honestly can't imagine how dull someones life must be to be wasting time, energy and mental space worrying about what other people are doing with their children. Focus on raising your own. You just seem strange.

This is a good point. Fruit & veg are needed in terms of fibre content but also to support our immune systems.

Studies have shown the human immune system is optimised by eating about 30 different fruit & veg a week.

So eating 5 a day is great if they are different every day, but they often aren't. So if your child eats porridge oats, peas, carrots, sultanas and an apple every day, they may be getting enough fibre but are not getting enough variety to support their immune systems.

I said this. All the people saying it's none of your business you wouldn't say that if your child was choking and someone helped you on the bus.
Just have proper mealtimes.

It is so weird to call perfectly edible food “crap”. Bet you’re fun at a party!

I think this is a very naive approach. All children should have an annual check up.

Parents of fussy eaters unite.

My DD lives on eggs, yogurt, apples, pears, grapes, bananas, white bread, rice krispies, plain chicken, plain pasta, sausages, ham, and croissants.

Washed down with copious amounts of water and a multivitamin every day because I would sell my soul for her to eat a bloody vegetable.

All the yummy mummy organic flaxseed fed kids at my school spend breaks and lunch time begging stuff of other kids and swapping. Or indeed binning the handwoven humous.

A family near me get McDonald's take away every night. It must be expensive and the 3 kids are being fed rubbishy food each evening.

I was replying to “people giving their children doughnuts at the school gates! Why?!”