Thoughtless DP

[Whatthefeckk]

Been seeing the same man for a few years.
Don't live together, very slow burn.
Starting to question everything, as just seems like a convenience thing for him, or FWB.

We went to a social gathering last night, when we arrived, greeted friends that were stood near the bar.
DP then turns around and he's bought himself a drink. Didn't offer me one.
I find it incredibly rude and thoughless.

I can understand not being able to offer a whole group a drink, not being able to afford to do rounds. But as his partner, I would expect him to think of me and ask me what I'd like.

AIBU to be questioning our whole relationship over this... would you end a relationship for this sort of behaviour?

Maybe I've had the realisation that he's pretty selfish.

Yes, I would. It shows that he doesn’t think of you as his partner.

Why are you with this thoughtless, mean t**t? Dump and run.

I think it shows he sees it more as a casual thing rather than a relationship

That’s rude, not thoughtless

dump him

No. Wouldn't like that at all. That's saying in public to all his mates that you're not a partnership.

Even if you went out with someone who was just a friend this wouldn't be cool!

Yes, I would. Because that’s just weird. I cannot think of a single time I have gone to the bar with anyone, friend, family, boyfriend and they haven’t offered me a drink if they were there first; or me them if the other way round.

sometimes (always?) it’s the little things that make a penny drop on a whole relationship.

Also, even if just friends why wouldn't anyone placing an order check in with the others if anyone needs a drink? Financially, this may be too big of an expense, but in my social set we still do this but everyone clambors to pay. Very odd to just sort himself out.

Oooh though further to my first post, is there completely relevant back ground stuff you haven’t included? I did have a friend once who was last to the bar every single time (like even on a bar crawl I bought all 7/8/whatever it was drinks at every pub). I stopped buying for her in the end, and very interestingly, we almost immediately unspoken parted ways.

But even then you’d buy a drink for the other.

This sounds like it could be a straw that will (and should) break the camels back. A very obvious indication of how he sees you, rude, selfish and thoughtless.

That’s really odd behaviour. Unless (maybe) when you’re out together you never do the buying?

He has very little regard for you, does he have form for this or has it slowly been deteriorating for some time?
I would find this very unattractive!

I’d say he did think about this and thought, ’nah, she can get her own.’

He’s mean, unkind and uncaring for sure based on what you say.

Up to you how you decide to respond.

Sorry he’s so awful.

No, absolutely not.

Friends had got there before us, so already had full drinks anyway.
So it was only us two that didn't have a drink.

I just wouldn't do it.

Even when I later went to the bar, I asked friends if they wanted another drink. It's just the done thing isn't it...but more so because my close friend had bought me one a bit later into the evening, so I offered back.

But to have this man that apparently loves me, be so thoughtless and selfish, was quite eye opening.

I don't really know.
Even on our first date, he bought the first drinks and I bought the next round.

So it almost seems like...the more he's got his feet under the table, the less effort he's making. 🙁
I just seem to end up with men that take me for granted.

Don’t waste any more of your precious life on this man.

Eyes opened today.

So what are you going to do?

I’d be asking him “where’s mine?”

Ask him now why he didn’t think to offer to get you a drink while he was at the bar.

What have I written that sounds like I don't even like him?

FWIW I am madly in love with him, but struggle with moments like this as it makes me question him.

Okay 👍🏼