"Get help for your anxiety"

[burgersraven]

Does this type of response bother anyone else? I have anxiety myself and don't often post here with my anxieties, but when people do, so many people see fit to respond by saying "get help for your anxiety" in the same way you might say "get some Dulcolax" for someone with constipation. It's not a quick fix! Moreover I think the majority of people with anxiety disorder and posting here with anxieties are well aware they are anxious, may have had a significant amount of therapy already, but relapse and spiral sometimes and come on here reassurance-seeking. Anxiety doesn't just get cured forever after seeking help.

Responders are also frequently (not always) harsh and rude in their tone as if the anxiety is the person's fault or makes them ridiculous or a bad person. I sometimes think a lot of people who think of themselves as supportive of mental health, in fact feel very uncomfortable when faced with the type of thoughts people with mental health conditions actually have, and their reaction is to tell them to go away and get cured and be normal, please.

If someone is on an anxiety spiral and has come on here reassurance-seeking, then that isn't helpful behaviour for them. However if you don't have much understanding of anxiety and you have nothing helpful to say with regards to coping mechanisms then why not just stay out of it? The OP does not need 10 pages of people telling them to seek help for their anxiety.

And another thing the OP does not need is to be told they are passing their anxiety on to their child. Do you think they don't fucking know that? For me personally one of my top 3 anxieties is that I might be turning my kids into anxious people. It's terrifying and I try my best not to let my anxiety affect them and yes I have sought help and had a lot of therapy but it is not a simple thing. The OP does not also need 10 pages of "your child is going to grow up just like you" "your child resents you" "don't make your child anxious like you" "don't infect your child with your anxiety" like that's something you can just ensure, with a wave of a wand.

And when that person posts on a huge anonymous our internet forum, they need to be aware that they’re liable to encounter other people not thinking straight, other people with untreated MH conditions, people not well disposed towards people with MH conditions etc.

Oh yes OP

along with someone describing their partner’s severe MH problems and posters saying “if he won’t go to the GP leave him” oh yes that’s all you need to do 😭

If someone’s anxiety is having an effect on the life of their family, yes they need to get help with it.

I personally know people who are getting help on the NHS or subsidiary services for mental health/anxiety etc.

A couple of years ago I spent 11hrs at A&E with a young lady who needed emergency assessment, and she got it. It led to free long term treatment. She would have given up after a fraction of that time if I hadn't been with her (not sure what point I'm making there).

There is help. I'm not saying you just click your fingers, but it is out there.

(Cue someone telling me what a dreadful person I am, again)

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with pointing out that this is an option.

No-one should feel obliged or forced to spend their life being adversely affected by someone who won’t help themselves.

NHS counsellors will have the same qualifications as non-NHS ones. And you do whatever it takes to pay, if you need treatment, the way you would if you needed life-saving treatment that wasn’t available on the NHS — I sold belongings, took on extra work, and at times cut back on food to afford therapy. It was brutally difficult, and it saved my life.

At some point you have to deal with your anxiety or appreciate that your child is going to have a a shitty child hood by direct result of your mental health issues

That’s not what I’m saying. But someone with severe mental health problems will likely have them for life. You don’t just pop to the GP and get some low dose Prozac and you’re fixed

Just to point out though, plenty of people don’t respond to therapy.

Suggesting to someone that their reaction is disproportionate and that it would be better to think about getting some help with that instead of focusing on whatever the ‘problem’ posted about was can be great advice. There are posters on here who seem oblivious to the fact their thinking is clearly disordered.

But I suspect you’re talking about your thread title delivered as a dismissive one line response. Yes, I hate it too. So superior and unhelpful.

Like so much on here, it’s less the message than the delivery that’s the issue.

@Isittimeformynapyet That's a shame, because I can honestly say that I didn't really start to feel consistently less anxious until I found a medication that worked for me. I had to try a couple before finding the right one. I didn't try medication until my 40's and I really wish I'd tried it earlier.

Counselling when I'm struggling does help too, but medication is what made the big difference.

I often wonder why people refuse to take medication for mental illness but are OK with taking it for a physical illness? It doesn't sound as if your friend would for either though.

It's really heartening to hear that medication helped you, and you are supplementing that with the therapy. EMDR changed the course of my life 🙏🏻

You're right sadly, my friend won't use conventional medicine of any kind. I just have to accept her as she is. Sometimes the scales tip the wrong way for me and I just take the time I need.

In the 17 years I’ve been on Mumsnet, not one single person has ever said

You CAN just pop to the GP and get some low dose Prozac and you’re fixed

Are you genuinely stating otherwise?

I do see that it can seem like a pile on sometimes, but I think it's far more damaging when posters validate unreasonable fears or suggest that others should accommodate requests to reassure, which was the norm when I started on MN and is still pretty common. The change to calling out anxiety is a positive one overall. The AIBU pile on effect is difficult to tackle, though, in both directions, and that has got worse as the site has become more popular.

I do disagree with you on several points, though - No, I don't think a lot of posters do realise how bad their anxiety can be for their DC. So many don't acknowledge that they need help, or claim that they don't expose their DC to their concerns, often while they are contemplating refusing to let them do some activity that's likely to be really good for the DC's self-confidence and resilience. I also see, IRL, friends and family who seek help for their anxiety, but still cling to the idea of control it gives them so don't really engage in a way that would be effective, and then stop before they really get it sorted and don't stay vigilant to behaviours they engage in that increase them (e.g. seeking reassurance for a fear or validation for a decision to not allow something normal).

One of the defining characteristics of anxiety is that people suffering with it do expect special accommodations and "kid gloves" treatment. It's hard on the people close to them to live with day to day.

To expect the same sort of hyper vigilance from strangers on the internet is unrealistic in all honesty. And genuine pile-ons are pretty rare - it's generally several readers (there are millions of us here using this space apparently) simply having the same thoughts about a post.

Also. Anxiety does make people post extremely unreasonable things, such extreme things that it's bound to provoke extreme reactions. I'm thinking of a poster who was so anxious about coming to London for a few days that she was going to write her toddler a letter incase she never made it back home. But still there were plenty of be kind responses on that thread.

This. Surely by getting dozens of responses sayimg they are being unreasonable the person posting then knows their reactions are not normal and they can do something about it?

YABU from an anxiety sufferer. I thought research now shows that gentle challenging is the right thing to do for anxiety? Yes you’re right the NHS can be hit and miss for anxiety help, but there are so many more medications now, and there has never been more info on the internet about research backed strategies for managing anxiety from time in nature, to exercise, meditation, gratitude, nutrition etc.

As sufferers it’s our job to keep going and keep trying to find something that keeps us on an even keel and not destroying our relationships by dumping on those around us, trying to control others or other negative impacts anxiety can cause.

Bollocks to people being less resilient.
So many people wear rose-tinted glasses about the past.

As someone who has anxiety and depressive disorder, I do think there is a lot you can do to help yourself. I have an SSRI that I take daily, and use beta blockers when I do hit panic attacks. I also exercise a lot as it helps keep my energy levels higher. I'm on a wellbeing course with mind through me GP surgery.
After being out of work after a long period I start my new job next week and I'm really excited about it even if it is causing me some anxiety.
Whilst being out of work, my anxiety peeked and it tooks some harsh words from my friends telling me just how awful I was being after they were trying really hard to accomodate me. It's up to me to take responsibility for my behaviour and to make sure I am taking my meds.

Even if there are things like motorway driving or kids going away there are things like beta blockers that you can take to give short term relief. Everyone has a responsibility too look after there mental health.

I've had a doctor say it to me about a breast lump she couldn't feel, haha. (It was a cyst). It's in my medical records that I'm autistic and on sertraline long-term as well as having done years and years of therapy. I didn't realise it was so easy! Sorry doctor!

My dad is in his 70s and has been on anxiety medication for years. He also had a high flying career.

I don't personally care about what it makes the pharma companies, I use SSRIs and they are pretty amazing at improving things to make life more workable for me.

Yeah, what did baby boomers have to be resilient about? I see them out in public now and am amazed at their incompetence in really simple activities like ordering food in a café. They are so lucky the odds were always in their favour as they couldn't have coped as young people today!

You’re right: anxiety is complex and it is not something which is helpfully addressed by people on the internet.

But sometimes its helpful as a wake up call to point out that someone is not being at all rational.

Good examples are some of the hygiene threads. It sometimes doesn’t hurt to be clear that no one is going to get ill because a person fails to take off an “outdoor jacket” before entering the living room. Or that its a bad idea to prevent a ten year old child going on a scouts trip for unspecified “fears”.

A lot of people have a frighteningly scientifically illiterate approach to safety and hygiene and are requiring their children to participate in completely pointless and highly stress inducing rituals which have nothing to do with staying well and everything to do with neuoroses which have nothing been properly dealt with

I do think it’s sometimes important to make people face up to the fact that they are not being rational.