Working with high flyers and losing perspective of real life

[Aabbaas]

I work for a company that employes lots of people that from a salary and education perspective would be considered “elite”. Think reaching 6 figures in their late twenties and triple that a few years later plus equity. A lot of these guys literally make millions.
I am not one of them as I work in a business support unit, however, being surrounded by so many successful people, I feel like I am losing perspective of what a good salary actually looks like.
I have worked hard to build a career and I currently earn £75K plus 15% bonus. It isn’t high but definitely a decent wage I’d say. I am 40yo.
When I see what these people are on though(I work in comp and benefits that’s why I know) it truly depresses me. MDs in their late 30s making millions. How to cope? Is anyone else in a similar situation?

Think of the stress they are probably under and the long hours, lack of work life balance. I don’t know about you OP but I wouldn’t trade my time for all the money in the world

Carers are also under stress and work very long hours. They're paid naff all.

I have some close friends who are similar - they earn eye-watering amounts and I earn modestly (far less than 75k!). What keeps me sane is that I'm in no way jealous of their lives, and you couldn't pay me (literally) to swap with them. They are stressed, depressed, and never have time to enjoy their money. They've all have some kind of health issue from their work at some point. Some have jobs that are quite immoral, and I don't envy that either...

I wonder, if you really thought about it - would you swap lives with them? That's the true price of your 'good salary'.

What do they do and could you do it yourself, OP??

It might give you some comfort to tell yourself that people who earn millions are under a lot of stress/long hours, etc., but let me tell you, a lot of people out there work much harder for a lot less.

I reckon you have to compare yourself to the general population. I think the 90th centile is around £75k. So with your bonus, you're going to be a good chunk into the top 10% of earner in the country.

The OP wasn’t asking about carers though, she was asking how to feel better about working with “high flying” people who earn a lot more than her

🙄

It’s good to find ways to gain a better perspective. I’m not sure that talking to other people who work with ultra high net worth is the way to do it though.

I consider myself well off. I earn £42k a year which is well above the national average, which last time I looked was around £34k. If you consider that you earn twice the national average, it does put a little bit of a different slant on things. The thing that makes me well off though is that I’m old with relatively low housing costs.

A friend of mine trained as a teacher and then worked for several years as a governess for the really rich. I do think it permanently screwed her sense of what was normal. She was around 30 and paying for Botox and stuff because to her, having Botox regularly had become a completely ordinary expense. Her salary wasn’t that high in numbers but it was all found with no additional housing cost.

Probably the simplest way to rejig your perspective is to make a financial plan for your life and start living long term. I hope you are buying somewhere to live and investing.

I was one of those people.

It’s fucking miserable btw.

They’re either going to burn out or just have zero life beyond work.

Comparison is the…

Yes it’s true, many of them work 60-70 hrs a week, including weekends and nevee see their families which isn’t something I’d ever want.
It does however still feel unfair that so many good, qualified people struggle to keep up with their bills whilst there are so many that make SO much money early in their lives.

Don’t get this shitty response at all

I live within my means. DH earns a bit less thab me, we have 1 DC and live near London. So we have a high mortgage and high expenditures but we are not lavish.
I buy my clothes on vinted and we have nice but modest holidays. I know their world will never be my normal and I am ok with that! I just find it hard to explain, it makes me lose perspective of how lucky I am

Disagree. I am one of those people and I am happy with that part of my life.

OP I’ve worked with similar (Quants) and it is about reminding yourself about the rest of the population, centering yourself there, keep up to date with news etc. but it is hard but if they earned it through their academics etc, I’d be fascinated instead

How to cope? I guess you have to ask yourself if you are earning enough to have a good quality of life.
I work in public sector and earn about 52k. Is it amazing? No. But I have enough to be able to afford everything I need to have a good life - house, food, car, some travel, hobbies, books, good wine, to replace an odd bit of tech and appliance without too much worry etc. etc. I know I have some work needing done in my house which is likely to be quite expensive and I am not massively worried about that either.
Yes, I can easily find a lot of exciting things to do with extra 25k you are getting just like you can find a lot of nice extra things to do with 200k a year. But I am absolutely fine and happy not doing those things because my life is objectively very good.

I was a lawyer. I spent 21 years stressing the absolute fuck out over homework, exams, coursework, degree, work experience, training contracts etc to get that job. It’s not “unfair”. We had to battle damn hard.

Life is unfair. Society is structurally unfair. But those young’uns are earning a lot of money because they’re paying with their pound of flesh.

If other people who are well qualified aren’t earning megabucks, then that’s society’s problem…or at least the economics of supply and demand.

Dont hate on the high earners you work with. They did earn their salary (whether or not you agree with the metrics). But that’s all it is, money. They’ll be spending a lot of it on shit to make themselves momentarily happier before the BS of their work life starts again when they wake up.

If their lives were so great nobody (including me) would ever leave…and yet so many do.

So here's the thing. I earnt £300k at 35. I lost the lot due to a corrupt company who went into liquidation. They were never brought to task and went overseas. Our government could not charge them with fraud yet 24 people were without wages. If you have two degrees and work over a hundred hours a week you need to be paid. It nearly killed me.
Would I go back to that? Hell no.
I have paid over £2m in tax in my lifetime and I spent that on care for my elderly parents who had nothing. I also funded family members who didn't have such lucative jobs. I paid for degrees and educational courses for many. I gave a lot to charity because you think you will never be poor again ( I'm a council house kid).
But and it's a big but you never know when ill health will strike. I was diagnosed with a life limiting condition two years ago and nobody helped me. They completely abandoned me. My nuclear family of course helped but it has ment I couldn't work and two years later I'm having to sell my house and have nothing left.
I'm burnt out, old and physically disabled and yet I get practically nothing in benefits. I doubt anyone would employ me with twisted joints and using a mobility aid. Big business expects a fit go getter!
So please before you think these people are all over privallaged arses we don't all fit that mould. Some people acknowledge their good fortune and help others.

I worked in an environment like this for most of my 20s and here's my take on it (more a collection of thoughts, I'm afraid, than a coherent response).

These people have mostly been working hard their whole lives. At school, at university, doing holiday internships, throughout their early 20s. With very little time off. I'm not sure this is great for their development as human beings or in terms of being able to form worthwhile, genuine relationships with other people outside of work.

These environments are often depressingly male-dominated at the higher levels. Women who succeed generally have to be smarter, tougher and work harder than everyone else. And even then, they're not part of the 'in' crowd. I never felt bad for not sticking it out because I didn't really want the life that most of the senior women had (they were often quite isolated) and I didn't want to have to work harder and be better for less. It did make me angry though, because I left fully aware that the patriarchy is alive and kicking.

Lots of people working in these roles have truly toxic personal lives. This may be anecdotal, but a lot of people where I worked were in relationships or had attitudes towards women that weren't 'healthy' or conducive to a happy, balanced life. I witnessed some truly dreadful behaviour and heard about a lot more. Yes, poor behaviour happens in all walks of life, but there is something about the hyper-competitive nature of these environments that can really screw some people up for life. They're not happy places for the most part and I don't really envy the people working in them.

Fwiw I developed an alcohol depency so please don't envy that.

I know what you mean.
in a way i feel lucky i get a good wage doing what i do in a company like that (i could wasily be paid 20k less in a different business) but without the incredible stress the highflyers have to cope with. I don’t see how their jobs can be compatible with having a family, for example.

yes many of them worked hard to get there but I think we can’t ignore the huge portion of privilege that is behind that: best private schools, best unis, top business schools, generally being part of “the club” and fit in. There are a lot of smart hard working kids that simply will never get the chance to access these sort of environments (and that’s ok too I guess but at least these guys have wider choices)
If I was earning millions at my age I’d aim to quit asap and enjoy my life, never get why these people keep working well onto their 60s!!!

I work in a business partnering role in finance. I earn well, the people I provide my services to (ooo errrr) make much more than me. I do find it a strange dynamic as I also work similar hours to them and expected to be responsive and challenging and intelligent and yet will never be on their level.

Could I suggest a book? How to do everything and be happy by Peter Jones. Once I read it, figured out what actually made me happy, I stopped comparing myself to others.

I suspect we work in the same industry. My job is essentially a support role, working with people who are 30 years younger than me and earn a multiple of my salary. I don’t mind at all. I am not badly paiid (6 figures), can work from home 2-3 days a week and rarely work crazy hours. My work is mostly interesting occasionally pressured but not stressful.

@Aabbaas yes many of them worked hard to get there but I think we can’t ignore the huge portion of privilege that is behind that: best private schools, best unis, top business schools, generally being part of “the club” and fit in. There are a lot of smart hard working kids that simply will never get the chance to access these sort of environments (and that’s ok too I guess but at least these guys have wider choices)

You're absolutely spot on with this, and one of the things which made it easier for me to leave was the realisation that I would never 'fit in', as such. There were some senior people, including women, who didn't 'fit in' and did quite well anyway and were well-regarded, but what I realised during my time there was how miserable the job was for them compared to the others. They were usually working harder and having less fun, because the reason they were accepted was because of their skills and how hard they worked, rather than their 'fit'. Everyone worked hard, yes, but working 100+ hours a week in what feels like a constantly hostile environment is different from working 80 hours surrounded by people who you see as your friends and who are like you.

I don't really have any useful advice on how to come to terms with the income disparity except to enjoy being less stressed than they are and the things in your life that come with that. What helped me is that I don't really value physical 'stuff' that much, and so it makes no difference to me whether I'm clambering after my kids at the playground clutching a Gucci rucksack or one from Sainsbury's. I do however enjoy having a life where I can take my kids to the playground regularly and do low key stuff like that and I wouldn't trade it.

This is the second thread of this type you've started this evening and I can remember your earlier threads asking for thoughts about people from privileged backgrounds and if you are doing well enough financially.

You must be driving yourself insane comparing with other people all the time.