AIBU to find my MIL's visits too much, even though she's a nice person?

[BeBrickSloth]

My MIL comes to stay every 5/6 weeks for 3 nights at a time. On top of that, for around 3 months of the year, she'll come twice a month.

I know that probably doesn't sound horrendous to some people, but I find it a lot. It's our home and our downtime, and I feel like I'm constantly having to accommodate someone else.

She never offers to pays for anything while she's here either, so my husband covers everything. However, I want to make it clear that I don't resent my DH spending money on her or wanting to treat her. She's his mum, and I understand that he wants to make her feel looked after.
My DH's parents have split up, and his dad lives much further away, so I appreciate that having his mum nearby means he can see her more regularly. We also make an effort to visit her ourselves and ask if we can come over, but she's always busy whenever we suggest it. It does sometimes feel a bit one-sided when she's happy to come and stay with us so regularly, but we can't seem to arrange visits at hers.

The other issue is that, although I do think she's a nice person, there's just something about her that I don't particularly like, and I can't put my finger on what it is. We're very different people, and I find her company quite draining after a while.

She also gossips quite a lot about members of her own family, which I find uncomfortable. It makes me wonder what she says about people when they're not around, and I think it's part of why I struggle to warm to her. I get a bit of a bad feeling that I can't quite explain. She's never done anything particularly awful to me, so I feel bad even admitting that I feel this way.

I keep all of this to myself and am always polite and welcoming when she visits. I don't want her to feel unwelcome, but I can feel myself getting increasingly irritated by little things she does. Then I feel guilty because she's 75, she's not a horrible person, and I genuinely want to like having her here more than I do.

I think DH sees it as spending time with his mum, whereas for me it's having a houseguest for 3 nights every few weeks and feeling like I can't fully relax in my own home. When the visits increase to twice a month for a few months of the year, it feels like a lot.
I don't want to stop her visiting, and I don't resent DH wanting to spend money on her. I just wish the visits were less frequent, and I wish I could work out why I feel the way I do about her.

Is this just a case of spending too much time with someone whose personality is very different from yours, or should I trust my gut feeling about her? Does anyone else have a perfectly nice MIL who they just don't particularly click with?

She also gossips quite a lot about members of her own family, which I find uncomfortable. It makes me wonder what she says about people when they're not around, and I think it's part of why I struggle to warm to her. I get a bit of a bad feeling that I can't quite explain. She's never done anything particularly awful to me, so I feel bad even admitting that I feel this way.

Can’t particularly blame OP to be honest. My MIL is similar as is my own mum and this is one of the reasons I am not fully comfortable around them. I am polite and cordial but I see them only a handful times of year. I can only imagine what they say about me behind my back if they’re happy to talk about other family embers. Little to say about me if I don’t see them often and helps living 5 hr min from them.

Cut the visits back to two nights once per month... or one night per fortnight.

While MIL is there regularly take time out to do your own thing, leaving her son to manage her visit.

You mention that your DH spends money and treats her. Are we talking meals out, trips to places etc. I wonder whether the reason you find it too much is because you feel you have to entertain her. If she is such a regular visitor then could you not just have your normal weekend around her rather than feel you have to be treating her as a guest who must be entertained and taken out all the time.

Who knows, if you are just doing your normal everyday things while she is there then a) you might not find it such an imposition and b) she might get bored and cut the visits down a bit.

It’s way too much! What happens when she visits? Does DH take holiday? Are you at home or out at work?

I would persuade DH to visit her (without you) half of those visits. And I would be far less available for hosting. He can do it.

My MIL is perfectly nice and I still find her intensely irritating after 48 hours, so on that front I don't think you are unreasonable or nasty, it's just personalities.

I would also find that way too many visits. My own mum is staying one night per week at the moment to help with a temporary childcare situation for 8 weeks, and it's driving both me and DH nuts despite being EXTREMELY grateful for the childcare she is able to provide.

I would be speaking to DH about the frequency of the visits, and also making myself busy on some of the days that she's with you.

Its going to be hard to feel comfortable having someone in your home who you have every reason to believe will go away and discuss your private life with others. Also difficult to have to listen to a heavy dose of judgement and commentary on others, which is what 'gossip' tends to entail. Your resentment that your MiL is happy to take from your household without any reciprocality is also understandable.
I think you have every right to get your husband to compromise here and reduce the number of times she's your house guest. There are other ways of spending time with a parent, weekends away, visits to her home, activities together that don't involve plonking her in your front room for three days when your wife finds it uncomfortable and intrusive.