Mother Repeatedly Wanting My Keepsakes

[ButYouDidntWantIt]

AIBU here…
My dad died nine years ago. Despite having siblings, all the organising, admin & house clearance somehow fell to me.
Dad was a hoarder, so house, garage and loft were CRAMMED. Mother is disabled, had been asking Dad to sort the house out for years but he never did, so when Mum wanted to move, I had to go through everything, redistribute or get rid of a lot of stuff. Along the way, I found a small number of meaningful items for each of us to keep as mementos. This was difficult to fulfil for my mother as she basically refused everything, insisting that she didn’t want to keep anything at all. I put aside some small, personalised items that seemed too special to get rid of (jewellery, small gifts / tokens from shared special occasions, etc) and put them all together in a box I had specially made. I kept a few small things which reminded me of my dad and funny/special things we did together, such as a talking alarm clock that I always used to set off multiple times a day! It became a running joke.
Anyhow, mum now lives with me, and recently she has been making lots of comments about the items of my dads that I kept- ‘oh I remember that, you and your dad laughed so much’, etc. then, ‘I’d like to keep that’…
AIBU to refuse? Surely I’m allowed to keep some mementos of my dad, too?

Yes. This! Obvious isnt it?

Well the mum said to get rid of them, so the OP had actually claimed them out of her mums rubbish bin - so I’m not sure the ownership rules apply like that.

To be fair to your mum, that sounds like having lived with a hoarder and been unable to do anything about it for years, she was desperate to clear everything out. Now that she is no longer living like that and is grieving your Dad, she wishes she'd kept some things. I don't think that's unreasonable of her. If there are some things you can share with her / give her to have in her room, I'd be inclined to do so.

Your siblings not helping is shitty of them but not really the issue, this is about your mum. Who from what you've said was unable to help.

Sorry for your loss of your Dad OP.

Sounds like her grief and overwhelm when he first passed prevented her from engaging to keep things. She is fortunate that you stepped up.

If she lives with you, surely you can enjoy those things together and you will retain them when she passes? If so just say "glad I kept it, we can both enjoy it now".

If she is only with you temporarily I think you need a calm sit down to explain you chose those things and don't really want to give them up and come to some comprimise or sharing the items.

I am surprised at the amount of people who can't see the issue. The Mum was no help at all. The Mum is now being cared for by the daughter. A massive deal in itself. The Mum now wishes for the momentoes even though at the time she said 'bin everything' which absolved her from having to do any sorting. OP you sound like you are doing all the work for your family. I hope they appreciate it. I think it would be fine to say, 'I kept these to remind me of Dad. You didn't want to keep any, remember?'

Yeah not understanding the issue really as you live together?

Just clearly state your case and move on.

Your DM should not be helping herself to items which are sentimental to you, she is being manipulative and the more you give in to her, the more likely you will be left with nothing.

She made her choice, you made yours.

She lives with you, and history dictates you'll be sorting her things out one day anyway. What difference does it make?

"No I'd like to keep them so that everyone can get enjoyment from them."

She should have shown an interest when it came to sorting it all out. She might be disabled but I'm sure she was very able to say "charity shop, bin, keep" at the time? I think denying her access will cause issues, time has moved on she may be finding her life is getting smaller and these items hold pleasure from a time where she was happier. However that doesn't mean that she can now trample on your pleasure and memories.