Dp and music

[dilema124]

Ds19 was working until midnight last night.
This morning dp was hanging picture in living room.
Ds bedroom directly below living room.
I came upstairs and heard loud music playing from living room.
I went down and asked dp to turn it down as ds was sleeping.
Dp turned it down about 3 on remote which barely made a difference so i lifted remote and turned it down more.
This annoyed dp and he said whats the problem its the daytime (10.30am) , he (ds) was only working until midnight (he usually works until 2/3am) He then said he doesn’t pay any bills and why is he specialised ( I think he meant special treatment) and that he games all night ( he does game but our bedrooms are at opposite ends of house.
I said he was acting like a dick and went back upstairs.
We had a celebration today and to be honest it just turned the air blue for me and I got on with it but it has been playing on my mind.
Iv just spoken to dp and he doesn't think he did anything wrong and is reasoning it with he was going to be using the drill anyhow.
My reasoning is the music was intended to be loud and continuous while the drilling was going to be quick.
His comments and attitude have really bothered me.
dp is ds step dad.
ds doesn't pay bills right now as he has only recently returned to work after a months stint in hospital after a bad accident.

Who was being unreasonable?

Let me guess… your boyfriend isn’t your son’s dad? How long has he and DS lived together?

ds doesn't pay bills right now as he has only recently returned to work after a months stint in hospital after a bad accident.

he recently spent a MONTH in hospital and your DP is hitching that he’s not back to paying rent again?

He sounds unpleasant on the whole, but I would be playing music at 10.30. It's not early even having gone to bed at midnight. There seems to be other issues, though.

Clearly there is other issues than this specific one but I don't think I would have a problem with the music.

He was going to be using a drill, thats way worse than music

10.30 isn't that early following a shift that ends at 12am

He does have a point if ds happily games all night.

I used to work nights and wouldn't expect my family to not go around with day to day activities and playing music counts as that in my book. Its a normal household noise and I think the person who needs to sleep later than the rest of the household needs to take precautions against being woken up by wearing ear plugs or a sleep band with sleep sounds

@Turnsoutnot
5 years.
Dp has known ds since he was a baby.
Closer to him than his dad.
Usually have a great relationship.
Now im wondering is dp harbouring some resentment of some sort

DS had 11.5 hours to sleep if he finished at midnight and the given the clocks went back. That's enough restful time I think to then have a bit of music on at 10:30am when I'm doing DIY. Not at a stupid volume, but certainly to make my chores go a bit easier. Your DS can wear ear plugs if needs be - it's what most night shift workers do during the day. Most people who work antisocial hours don't usually expect people in the house to tiptoe around the following morning.

Music at 10.30m am? YABU

Was DS paying bills before the hospital stint?

I wouldn’t have had a problem with music on a normal level. I also was listening to alexa early this morning while i was doing housework. He put music on the tv which is directly under ds bed and turned it up max volume which i felt was unnecessary and irritating.
Alexa was at other side of room in kitchen (open plan)

edit to add - I was not playing alexa at same time.

You think he's harbouring resentment for just carrying on a normal day around someone that hasn't really done anything to deserve special treatment? He's right, he's going to be drilling anyway and your son had well over a normal night's sleep. You're really over thinking this.

I hope you live in a detached house so all this music isn’t being inflicted on the neighbours !

your partner is resentful of your son and now it’s starting to show.
don’t pick your partner over your son- when the ultimatum is eventually issued - as I fully
expect it will be .. maybe not soon - but one day

I agree with this

If they normally have a great relationship, then I think you have over reacted and are making a mountain out of a molehill in thinking he resents your son

Another poster pointed out clocks went back last night, thats another extra hour sleep son had, 10.30am really isn't that early

Maybe speak to son about ear plugs if you are worried about him being woken by household noise if his room is right above living room

If you finish work at midnight - you are not asleep at midnight !

commute home … unwind time . If you have ever worked evenings or lates you’ll understand how it messes with your body clock !

I used to work nights. I wouldn't expect the rest of the household to be quiet for my sleep, day to day noise is to be expected.

Ear plugs and Bluetooth headband were a must for unsociable sleeping patterns.

Even if son didn't go to bed until 2am, he'd have had 9 hours sleep (due to clocks going back)

'Turned the air blue' doesn't mean what you think it does.
It means to yell out swearwords.

Well yes, but for all I know he gets in at ten minutes past midnight and goes to bed straight away - some people do this and some people live close to work! I have worked evenings and lates - when I did a very physical job (five minutes' walk from home) I went straight to bed when I got in and was asleep as soon as my head touched the pillow - we aren't all the same! The point being even if he pottered about before bed he did have ample time to get enough sleep even if he was disturbed by music at 10:30am and it doesn't negate the fact that he can wear ear plugs so as not to curtail everyone else's activities when they are just going about their normal business at a normal time of day.

My teen son just spend a MONTH in hospital recovering from a serious accident, damn right I’m going to be a little protective over his sleep

It sounds like your partner was irritated at your son and deliberately trying to wake him up with extra loudness and drilling.

If your son spent a month in the hospital, he was very seriously injured and even though he's returned to work, his body still needs rest to heal.

I think you need to sit your partner down and have a straight talk with him because this isn't right. Is your son staying up most of the night gaming after his work and expects everyone to tiptoe around? Or is your partner mad because you've been going the extra mile for your seriously injured son and he resents that? Is it that your son isn't paying rent at present? Whatever it is, get to the bottom of it because it sounds like your partner maybe resents your son in your home and is maybe trying to piss your son off.

when I was In my 20’s I would go in night outs till 2/3am and get up and do a breakfast shift in the busy restaurant!

YABU because he’d had plenty of sleep, and presuming you partner was doing DIY/jobs around the house after working all week he can have his music on

Sounds like a moment’s irritation puffed itself up into an argument, quite without foundation.
I took it that DP was a bit miffed to be told to quieten the music at 10.30 in the morning so as not to disturb your son. Anyone might feel the same way!

But you were thinking along one path (poor lad, knackered after a ‘late’ night, not long out of hospital, and all sorts of other things) and DP, coming from merely the cessation of his musical enjoyment to let DSS slumber on, maybe felt he had to defend his reaction, so chucked in off the cuff points about why 10.30 ought not be regarded as too early etc.
The bills thing strikes me as a flash of peevedness in a very stupid spat, and not really about bills, unless maybe DS received full pay while out sick, or there’s another reason why DP might feel his DSS is pushing it, a bit.
But it’s still all very trivial stuff, not worth fighting over.

(A celebration where the air turned blue suggests a very different thing to me than you describe, by the way! But I hope you have both apologised to each other and can enjoy your evening companionably. Today was just a storm in a teacup, surely)

Oh my! I have been using the air blue saying forever ! How have i got that so wrong for so long and why has no one in real life corrected me 😭 😂

Anyone playing music at top volume in my house would get very short shrift, it’s incredibly anti-social. And drilling while you know somebody in the house is asleep, no matter what the time of day, is also obnoxious behaviour. Is you partner always like this?

Dp is mean. Just be considerate of others

OP I think maybe you need to dig a little deeper. It's all very well DP saying he was going to be using the drill anyway - but that begs the question of did he really have to hang that picture at that very time? Couldn't it have waited?

While your son was in hospital you would obviously have been focussing on him. And probably since he came home too, as he still won't be fully recovered. I may be miles out but between the picture and the comment about bills I'm getting a whiff of DP being fed up that your attention is on your son and not him. In which case he needs to grow up.

Please say you live in a detached property @dilema124 ?

@Offtodayyes we do