To tell friend that we weren’t keen on her new boyfriend?

[Sarahsrun]

This is a bit of a difficult one. One of my friend’s introduced me to her new boyfriend last night. It was a meal followed by a bar with myself, DH and another friend and her DP.

We (DH and other couple) travelled in/home together as we live close by.

On the way back, DH and my friend’s DP were quite scathing - they’d been chatting with him as a group in the bar and relayed some comments he had made about other women.

I wasn’t too sure either way during the meal, he seemed nice enough but made a couple of questionable comments which I internally raised my eyebrows at.

My friend has had a series of dreadful partners and I don’t want to see her hurt again. I am torn whether to say anything. It’s up to her what she does with it of course.

YABU - none of your business, keep your mouth shut
YANBU - if it was my friend, I’d tell her

You're sort of making her responsible for his behaviour. He should have been told that you didn't appreciate his humour. If your DH didn't, then he shouldn't have repeated it. If she asks an opinion, be honest. You can bring up in conversation that his humour isn't usual to your group and see what she says. Personally I'd wait for now.

Just leave it, none of you know the man and you can’t judge based on a few hours interaction and a couple of off base comments, you just look like judgey twats,

leave it be,

Cmon calm down, exacalting this to preventing harm is ludicrous, he made some off colour comments, he didn’t kick a puppy

I wouldn’t volunteer my opinion of him until I was asked. Then I would be truthful.

Sounds like he was trying to show off to the other men. I agree, he doesn't sound great but definitely don't offer an opinion unasked. Even if your friend does ask what you thought of him I would be noncommittal. If you meet him again hopefully someone will challenge any inappropriate comments.

I think it depends on the friend and (as a PP referenced) her self-awareness. If you think she'd appreciate an honest opinion, I'd give one. If she's not ready to accept that she has poor taste in men, I'd say little and be ready to be there for her when/if this all falls apart.

There's no point in offending her if she's unlikely to appreciate any warning, but if she asked specifically, I'd mention that he said some questionable things. It doesn't seem like he's hiding who he is, so most likely he's already said things like that in her presence, so I'd tread carefully.

Jesus, raise your standards. He is definitely the problem here, not them.

Don't tell me to calm down. Someone who is so disrespectful about a woman isn't someone who is a decent quality.

Jane, please don't include us in your plans with Nick anymore.

Really, I'd just be where do you find these sleazy dud losers but I'm trying a more, er, diplomatic format.

I need to write that somewhere…

If your friend asks your opinion, be brief but straightforward.
If she doesn't, say nothing.

She isn’t going to dump him because you don’t like him.

And she almost certainly knows what he’s like anyway. She’ll brush off what he said as “just banter, he doesn’t really mean it”.

Goodness me, he sounds vile.

Tell her. I wish somebody had cared enough about me to stop me making the biggest mistakes of my life with some of my ex’s.

Like others have said.
I wouldn't bring it up, but if she asked, I wouldn't lie either.

I think, if she didn't ask, and you all went out / spent time together again, and he was the same, then it would soon start becoming obvious as you'd have to start saying, 'We don't want to go out with you and Bryan again. We don't like the sexist remarks or the way he criticises people' or whatever. Emphasising you still want to see her, but not when she was with him.