To wonder about the best way to avoid being seen as a "mediocre man"?

[forceofhabitandnotneed]

After a few humiliating experiences when younger I've always been acutely aware of not being the fat self-important nerd who acts like he's God's gift to women. However, I hear the "mediocre man" term used a bit on here and I'm slightly haunted by the thought that it might apply to me, even though a fair few people have told me over the years that I don't sell myself enough.

Is there a way of being quietly confident (not just as regards dating but in other aspects of life) without making people think "state of that arrogant pig"?

Or am I overthinking it all?

Starting a thread you never return to is mediocre.

Yep.

Also, not being able to research this without being “man here” on Mumsnet. Very mediocre.

Tsk! Anyway, I'm back now. 😀

Thanks for everyone's comments. I guess the reason I started the thread was to try a get a handle on what the phrase actually means.

The misplaced confidence thing is clearly key. I've often been told by people that I don't promote myself well enough (in various spheres), but I'm always wary of overpaying my hand and looking like an arrogant idiot.

Tsk! Anyway, I'm back now. 😀

Funny how when you point out the OP has not come back on these type of threads up they pop.
Almost like it's automated?????

P.S. the TSK make you look like an arrogant idiot.

Different people will seek different qualities. Men I admire:

• Working to their capability (not necessarily earning a huge salary, but working hard in the job they have)
• Putting their family first
• Treating others with respect
• See women as valued and not subordinate

The fact that you are actually concerned about this means you’re probably going to be ok.
As long as you are a decent person who doesn’t think a woman is there to do your bidding and take care of the house and boring domestic stuff (unless she wants to - this will be nowadays generally be the less intelligent kind of woman) you’ll be fine.

This. I couldn’t put it better.

Im guessing wonen who use mediocre man are probably boring and mediocre themselves.
You sound lovely by the way.

For me it's just the general awareness that men often don't have the same barriers in their way of progressing through life as women do.

Men can often be mediocre and still progress in their careers with very little sacrifice elsewhere in their lives. Women are more likely to need to be exceptional or prepared to make some kind of sacrifice elsewhere to progress in the same manner.

Some men that recognise that they can only take up opportunities because someone else is looking after the children/does all the domestic stuff/has to work part time or not at all. Or that many employers are still twitchy about giving roles to women of childbearing age. Or that all this stuff prevents a lot of perfectly capable women from competing for the same jobs as perfectly capable/mediocre men giving men an automatic advantage - those are the men I have more respect for.

It's the men that genuinely think they are where they are purely through their own merit and brilliance that women side-eye at.

This poor bloke is trying to tread the minefield that is women's opinion. Give him a break.

I think you may have misunderstood. Because the quickest way to earn the label of mediocre man is via self promotion. Haven't you heard the phrase 'self praise is no recommendation'?
Just carry on doing your best, and if you are truly exceptional, it will speak for itself.
And if you're not, well so be it. The world needs more soldiers than generals and we can't all be special.

A handy illustration

If you mean ‘give me the confidence of a mediocre white man’, it’s the baseless self-confidence that’s being critiqued, not the mediocrity.

It’s about inflated ego, lack of self-awareness, massive sense of entitlement, lack of awareness of others’ abilities or that their perspectives and experiences might be different and important.

Most men are average, most women are average, most people are mediocre.

Know yourself and your limitations, own your mediocrity, be comfortable in your own skin, able to laugh at yourself and you’ll be fine.

Poor love.

Try to do 75 per cent of all the tasks that need doing in your family life. You won’t get anywhere near it but you might hit 50 per cent and you won’t be a mediocre specimen

FFS this is just another dude wanting to know how to get laid because the ‘high value man’ approach didn’t work for him and he’s not sure the bro podcasters have the full picture anymore.

OP, the one sure way to find a partner (if that’s what you’re after) is to be genuinely interested other people, which you almost certainly aren’t if you’re spending this much energy relentlessly obsessing about yourself and your image, and seeking advice about which persona to adopt and which aspects of your personality to conceal in order to optimise your chances of getting a shag.

The ‘poor bloke’ is approaching dating like it’s a video game, asking us for a cheat code so he can defeat the level boss and get the princess. Who is by definition an NPC.

It’s all about acquiring and collecting and winning and powering up and optimising and all that tedious tech bro incel stuff.

He wants assurance that if he ticks all the right boxes he’ll get his trophy.