People who marry into the aristocracy

[GettingThereEveryDay]

I’m watching Clodagh McKenna’s new show on ITV, scratching my head as to why this cringey “oh look how bubbly and fun I am” complete with permanent rictus smile is suddenly everywhere from nowhere and read that she is married to Henry Herbert, son of the 7th Earl of Canarvan.

AIBU that my heart sinks that yet again here’s another example of success being about marrying into the establishment and connections rather than genuine talent?

Even with your feelings surely you can see that ‘aristocrats’ are just people, and some of these people , by the law of averages, must be good, nice, admirable, talented, and attractive?

They could also be an aristocrat and not rich.

You are so wrong.

A uni friend of mine from a very ordinary middle class background married into the aristocracy. There were some aristo influencers and reality TV types at the wedding. He and his partner live in a family home so don't have a mortgage, and they have income from some inheritances I think. So I'm sure they aren't strapped for cash, but they live a reasonably modest life: no influencing here. My friend absolutely wasn't marrying for status. I think it did freak out his parents a bit but his partners' family have been very welcoming.

I googled as hadn’t heard of any of them. And lo it’s actually the Downtown Abbey place and he looks rather like the actor from that.

Really? Of all the amazing successful women you are going to focus on the few that marry aristos? Why?

There are 28.3 million adult women in the UK, of whom a good number will be successful in their own right. Why aren't we celebrating them, rather than trying to pull one woman down for being successful and marrying an aristo?

The House of Lords is one obvious example

Op Hereditary peers have been booted out - unless you consider anyone with a title to be an aristocrat, such as Lord Prescott.

Tell me you know nothing about a set of people without telling me...

I have no idea who this is 😂 but I have a friend who is common as common can be who married into an aristocratic family. Not a super important one, but her husband is like the 7th Earl of Squaglmire and they have a big ole country pile with 200 acres and like 20 bedrooms.

She spends most of her time on foreign holidays or ranting on reels about how hard life is with all the taxes they have to pay and how much it costs to heat a gazillion bedroom mansion. 🤣 I keep wanting to be like, girl, stop whinging, you grew up on benefits supported by all those taxes and are currently on your 4th big holiday of the year, money that could well have been spent on heating oil if you had more sense. 🙄

Only as recently as this year. And only because it was getting far too full because people are living longer.

the current members of the HoLs are unelected people who wield immense influence by sheer virtue of birth.

they have a big ole country pile with 200 acres and like 20 bedrooms.

Presumably the family have got alternative sources of income as 200 acres wouldn’t bring in much.

I’m Irish and she’s not my cup of tea but totally unrelated to who she married. Think she’s been on Uk day time TV for years, she didn’t become famous my “marrying up”. Anyway even though I find her a bit annoying, it seems she’s a good sort. In Richard E Grant’s book about his wife’s illness and death, he mentions both her and nigella as being very kind, generous and thoughtful with bringing over food but giving them their privacy. So I have to give her that…

Is your BIL mike tindall?

We don’t have an aristocracy in Ireland :) so he married into the British aristocracy. Definitely not something that attracts prestige in Ireland, often the total opposite. And by the looks of it, their estate has avoided bankruptcy and crumbling into the ground is him pouring money into it :) Now let’s not get started on the signs of him having affairs with young costars…I kinda admire his guts that he keeps playing men having affairs!!

Highly recommend watching Industry to see Kit Harington in a role that brilliantly satirizes the landed gentry. Total lack of vanity, he gives everything to the role. Specially amusing when you know his own background

My friend married into aristocracy and her husband is the nicest most supportive man in the world. They are a great strong couple and happy. She did tell me once that Saltburn was a documentary and that all family/extended family were drunk and bonkers. So, yeah. They don’t get involved with any drama.

😂it wasn't supposed to be a guessing game, I was just observing that many people - in all types of circumstances - marry for love

what is by birth if they removed the hereditary ones?

Life peers, ie members before hereditary members were abolished this year stands at 85-80% of the total members of the house of Lords

I'm going to add Dan Snow to list of potential BILs.

God I hate all shows like this. As you described with the permanent Cheshire Cat Turkey teeth smile. "Look at how perfect my life is" and the predicament in every episode is that the caterer for their daft event has made the voulavents with cheese when the hosts husband's brother's daughter's cat is vegan.

Of course people hate these shows when we're the ones forced to buy whichever biscuits are cheapest with your friggin clubcard and get excited at minimum wage going up by 3 pence an hour. And to anyone dying to say "wElL dOnT wAtCh It ThEn", I don't, but have obviously seen these types of shows before when younger and their advertisements are constantly plastered all over the Internet.

Lol! The list will be very long given the surprising number of aristocrats out there...

One thing that always amazes me is how often it is someone who marries into aristocracy who turns the family and estate's fortunes around through the force of their own personality, grit and hard work.

The current Duchess of Rutland (a farmer's daughter) s a complete powerhouse behind Belvoir Castle and Julie Montague married into aristocracy and is now making Mapperton House thrive are examples.

Also, Deborah Mitford, admittedly aristocracy herself, pretty much saved Chatsworth single handedly.

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But couldnt she just meet him and like him despite that?

Of course! That would be the fairytale!

But…if you know you know. Even Catherine, our future Queen who has grown into her future position with Grace and loveliness. Did William being a prince have nothing to do with her pursuit of him?