People who marry into the aristocracy

[GettingThereEveryDay]

I’m watching Clodagh McKenna’s new show on ITV, scratching my head as to why this cringey “oh look how bubbly and fun I am” complete with permanent rictus smile is suddenly everywhere from nowhere and read that she is married to Henry Herbert, son of the 7th Earl of Canarvan.

AIBU that my heart sinks that yet again here’s another example of success being about marrying into the establishment and connections rather than genuine talent?

Kit Harington also qualifies as an aristo. His father is a baronet. And the baronetcy is an old one.

@tartyflette I wouldn’t like it, I’m sure the stately home isn’t cosy and I would be frowned upon for reclining on the sofa with joggers on watching box sets with a cat, as I am sure a cat isn’t upmarket enough would have to have black Labradors, spaniels or a Vizla. Also I would want to eat co op Mac cheese for dinner and not pheasant.

Did not know that .

Dominic West also married into Irish aristocracy . Didn't realise how much useless info I have.

It sounds like you'd love, Lady (2026) starring Sian Clifford

Do you actually know anyone from the aristocracy? What is it that you hate?
Have they done something to upset you?

I voted YABU purely for the spelling of Caernarfon! lol

lol sorry , back to where you were!

1. yes
2. the internalised arrogance and entitlement
3. the way the entire country is run by the establishment in an insidious way that most ordinary people have no idea of

Assuming you’re not born into that world, by dissolving your natural personality and becoming a stepford wife

Why would you imagine they have to do that?

Are you being ironic?

It would be my personal idea of hell to marry into the aristocracy.

But for what it’s worth based on my experience they are generally incredibly thin skinned people who are obsessed with class and status and paranoid about what’s left of their money being leached away by gold diggers so unless you are independently quite wealthy you wouldn’t have a hope in hell.

I'm American so what do I know, but isn't it more a question of moneyed interests as it is in the US and most other countries? Lots of aristocrats don't have much money and probably have little influence whereas quite a few very wealthy people have no aristocratic background whatsoever.

Nope, I'm curious why you think marrying into the aristocracy means a woman has to become a Stepford wife; which according to wiki is a compliant submissive wife devoted to homemaking.

I don't think Earls decide who gets jobs in television.

If this subject interests you, recommend the book Snobs by Julian Fellowes which is funny and exactly about this.

https://www.waterstones.com/book/snobs/julian-fellowes/9781780229225

Exactly. A non aristo woman who married into the family is expected to adopt the ways of the landed gentry and abandon her roots for the sake of tradition

Kit Harington seems fairly posh to me. Rose Leslie perhaps a little less so, she has played an American very convincingly.
Also she is Scottish I believe. Not that Scots are necessarily un-posh but they come across as less intimidatingly so than the English.

You would be surprised at how the world actually works in that case

The tv cook stuff considerable predates Harry Herbert, plus let’s not get carried away. Harry’s a younger son. He doesn’t inherit the estate or the title. They live in a house on the estate, not in Highclere Castle.

Have you ever actually met an aristo? 😃

Clodagh was a perfectly ordinary woman from a comparatively comfortable background when I knew her through mutual friends in the 1990s. She did the famous Ballymaloe cookery course, stayed on to work there, and ran their stalls at local farmers’ markets. Unglamorous stuff. I would say, and I imagine she’d say it herself, that she’s managed to turn a modicum of culinary talent and an ability to perform amicably on camera into far more of a career than many people who are far more culinarily talented, who but can’t do it on screen, by sheer graft.

I imagine she remains a perfectly ordinary woman who’s married into privilege. I’m not sure what all the vitriol is about. Yes, it’s insane there’s still an aristocracy in 2026, but that’s hardly Clodagh McKenna’s fault.

So doing my family tree, we have discovered we have a full line of Barons, leading back to the first one coming over with William the conqueror, it seems that my great grandad should have been a baron. But the title passed down through one side then back up when that side died out then it should have passed down to him, but he never knew and never claimed and now the title is lost. My family is as working class as they come. researching further, throughout history, the first son would claim the title, the other children within a few generations, their line would be working class as money and titles don’t pass through the other lines. There are therefore probably thousands and thousands of British citizens with links to the aristocracy in their heritage. I find it fascinating.

Mary of Denmark met Fred in a bar in Australia. Which is also how Mike met Zara I think

Yeah, I had no idea who she was so looked at her wikipedia - she met HH in 2020 but had been publishing cookery books for over a decade before that. There are media interviews linked on there going back to 2015 when she was with a previous partner.

I'm sure marrying him hasn't hurt her career but it's not like she was working as a waitress in toby carvery and then suddenly became a TV chef after starting to date him. More like she has been grafting away in the same type of work for more than 15 years, before, like most people in their chosen careers, getting a promotion to a higher level. I would imagine all TV chefs got a lucky break, likely through someone they know, at some point. The fact that hers might have been via her husband doesn't seem enough to condemn her!

the way the entire country is run by the establishment in an insidious way that most ordinary people have no idea of

That’s interesting, op, could you give some examples. Also, how do you know about this?

As is often the case, the onlooker sees more of the game.