Wedding invitation etiquette

[Ohhhhok]

We sent our 'save the dates'/informed our guests 1 year before our wedding, and we'll be sending the invitation/RSVP 4 months before, does this sound normal? We've been getting stick from 'friends' saying we don't have 'proper invitations', I don't really understand what we're doing wrong?

I think people just think there is one standard procedure that all weddings must adhere to, some people get engaged then marry just a couple of months afterwards. Not everybody plans years in advance, people can do whatever they like and I don't see an issue.

We sent save the dates as soon as we'd worked out just the date. We had had to bear in mind teachers in the immediate family because they needed to travel to get to the location. Then we sent paper invites as soon as we had the venue booked and logistics sorted.

We did save the date cards a year in advance for day guests. Then invitations about 4 months in advance. Evening guests were colleagues. This was 18 years ago and fairly standard at the time.

This is a newer thing. Years ago you just sent the invite close to the wedding and that was it. Its probably older folk who dont get this concept

I've never heard of anyone getting a Save The Date then not being invited to the wedding.

You risk cutting the numbers yourself by people getting fed up of waiting for details. Of course they want to book hotels etc

It might not be enough notice for everyone to book time off.

When did save the dates become unreliable?

Never heard of anyone being sent a Save The Date then not invited to the wedding - that would be unconscionably rude.

Have to admit I don't really understand Save The Dates in the first place. Either the venue is booked for the date or it's not. If it is, just send out a proper invite - doesn't have to contain all details immediately. If it isn't, you don't have a date to ask anyone to save.

You haven't done anything wrong, but I understand, if people need to travel / book accommodation / book annual leave / book childcare / book someone to look after pets / book someone to look after other people they care for, etc., then it is helpful to know what time(s) they will need to be there, and where it is you are getting married.

but doesn't this sort of thing come up in conversation with people that you are close enough to, to be inviting to your wedding ?

When someone tells me they have got engaged, I would congratulate them, admire the ring, and ask if they have plans / thoughts about the wedding.

When I saw them a month or two in, I'd ask them about the wedding. Not in a "Am I invited?" sort of way, but in a "This is an exciting time in your life, I'd love to hear about it" type of way. At which point they'd say 'we've booked a venue in {insert town or county} and are having a late morning wedding and finishing about 6pm' or 'plan is to get married at such and such Church then on to such and such venue for a sit down meal about 3.30, then party into the evening' or 'We're going abroad, just us and parents and siblings' or 'we're having a really small ceremony in the week but a big party on the Saturday night' or whatever, which then gives you an idea of what you'd be looking at if someone sent out 'Save the Date's.

I don’t think there’s a hard and fast rule with these things but if you’re expecting people to travel or book accommodation then it’s only fair you give them as much notice as possible. However, if your wedding is local to all the guests and the most you’ll need to consider is a taxi then I don’t see the issue really.

As for other people sending ‘save the dates’ and then cutting some of those people from the guest list, that’s diabolical. I’m a firm advocate of inviting only those you want to your wedding but I wouldn’t dream of ‘uninviting’ someone. That’s awful!

I wouldnt put a save the date in my diary my god i cant remember my middle name most of the time a wedding invitation is a paper wedding invitation that is sent to you

Which job requires more than 4 months' notice for time off?

Plenty of jobs need X amount of people in the office / on shift at a time, so, if other people have already booked time off, then you can't.
So, not specifically that you couldn't book off a random Thursday in January with a couple of weeks notice, but more, for Summer months (when weddings tend to happen) you want to have booked your leave before other people / the other person does.

Ah OK. 4 months is such a long time though!
Where I work, summer is when we're encouraged to take time off as it's quieter so this is difficult to understand for me.
I'm not even able to book for 2027 at the moment.

I got married 22 years ago. We sent the invitations out about 7 weeks before the wedding. Absolutely no drama. Now to be fair it was a local church and hotel and no one had to come from abroad. The hen was two or three weeks before the wedding. I hate the constant unnecessary fuss about everything these days.

I printed my own invitations on my new-fangled home PC back in the late 90s.
No idea when we sent them out but we'd only known each other a year by the time of our wedding day so I suspect the invitations went out a couple of months beforehand.

People who were free came.

People who were busy (or "busy" in the case of my stepson) didn't come.

That sounds fine and totally standard to me. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Our save the dates went out 6 months before (just after we got engaged, no years long engagement here). Invitations went out 3 months before as we had international guests, so 4 months is more than adequate.

I’ve only once received an invitation for a wedding a year in advance with an RSVP date. We declined! I have absolutely no idea what the hell I’m doing in a year. I cannot confirm I will attend anything that far in advance! As it turned out, I was recovering from a miscarriage and in absolutely no condition for a 4 day all eyes on the bridezilla extravaganza in Venice during half term when prices were ££££, so very glad we declined.