Wedding invitation etiquette

[Ohhhhok]

We sent our 'save the dates'/informed our guests 1 year before our wedding, and we'll be sending the invitation/RSVP 4 months before, does this sound normal? We've been getting stick from 'friends' saying we don't have 'proper invitations', I don't really understand what we're doing wrong?

I think people just think there is one standard procedure that all weddings must adhere to, some people get engaged then marry just a couple of months afterwards. Not everybody plans years in advance, people can do whatever they like and I don't see an issue.

What information do you have on save the dates is it just a date and time? Is the location on there?

I hate a long gap between a save the date and the invite.

What am I saving - just the actual date or will I need to stay over and reserve the following date too. Do I need to travel the night before if it’s an early start far away? Then what do I need to do with the dog - particularly for a family wedding when my usual dog sitters will also be going. Do I need to book annual leave?

In my mind, the save the date should have the date, time and venue (which presumably you know by the time of the save the date) and then the invite is superfluous details that could come the week before.

You’d have to be an arsehole to send a save the date then cut someone from the list! A save the date is a pre-invite and it’s on inviter to be sure the invitee is invited before sending otherwise don’t bother!!’

OP I think with only a year to go I would send the invites, people plan holidays etc a year in advance.

I would want to get hotel booked etc and that is usually cheaper the further out you book it. I would also want to know times etc so yeah that would annoy me. I wouldn't consider it an actual event I am definitely going to until I've had the proper invite

You're right, you would have to be an arsehole.

It's on par of asking for cash gifts via a poem

It used to be the tradition that invitations were sent out 6 weeks before and that was in the days before "Save the date" became a thing.

Why not just send invites then?

I can’t stand save the date. No. If there’s a possibility I’m not going to be invited, I’m not planning my time around “just incase.”

This was my thought as well! 6 weeks is the way it was done! Clearly times have changed

I just think weddings bring out the absolute worst in people. They attract the sort of obsessive planning freaks who need to have a timetable for each hour of the day for everything they are doing months out.

This is one of the reasons I would never get married again.

I suspect people need to book hotels, annual leave, arrange childcare etc and need to know the full details. Life is different today compared to when invitations were sent out nearer the time. Friends also may have experienced getting a save the date only for the final invitation to only be for a 3-4 hour evening party, partner not invited, kids not invited etc etc. I would personally send an email with more details to your guests saying that the final details are still being arranged and your invitations will be sent out then but giving a rough timeline of the day and address including post code of the venue, you could also include hotel information at this point.

It depends where the wedding is though and what day.

Local, on a Sunday, 6 weeks is no problem.

Further away, or on a Saturday or a weekday, 6 weeks isn’t enough time for me to take any leave and I’d have no hope getting money together for a hotel or travel at that short notice (and there’s no way I’d get into any debt to attend a wedding). I’d also need to arrange childcare, I don’t just have family I could count on.

I’d seen out invites as soon as possible. That way people can book their hotel, travel, childcare etc.
It’s not like back in the day when weddings were local, small affairs, not requiring a day off work childcare or hotels. Times change.

Why are you waiting on sending the invitations? If you know all the details you should let the guests know as well. A couple of hours difference in start time can make a big difference to people's travel plans and accommodation only gets more expensive the closer you get to the date.

"4months before sounds really close unless you are booking a last minute wedding."

Does it?
Who needs 4 months' notice? Even if travelling from abroad it's enough to get time off, book flights and accommodation.

I just booked a venue then invited everyone by email. Another email nearer the date with full details. Everyone RSVPd by email. We had the venue all day. Order of the day was get married, photos, food, disco. No one said that email wasn’t the done thing or that anything was lacking, but maybe they thought it. Just do the day you want and forget how everyone else does it.

Save the dates are a total waste of time and money and can often be a source of confusion.

Please save 1st July 2027 we're getting married.

Does not tell me if it includes plus one / kids etc.

Does not tell me time. Can I do something in the morning ? Is it late afternoon?
Does not tell me where it is. Do I need to travel the day before? Book the dog on kennels? Take time off work? Book a hotel the night before? Two nights? Do

If you want people to come to your wedding just send an invitation saying who is invited / where it is / what time to be there.

Totally unnecessary expense to have save the dates

Why not just send an invitation instead of a save the date and an email and an invitation?

But traditionally weddings would have been at the local church, probably early afternoon with a local do. A lot less logistics expected

Yes that's true @Fridaygin. Every Saturday afternoon my mother and I would stand at the church watching a wedding, even though we didn't know the people.

My daughter was the last person to get married there and that was 7 years ago

I was talking about this with my Dd she had palpitations just thinking about it 😂

I certainly hope not. What would the B/G do then? Send a "you can release the date" notice because we have decided not to invite you after all?

Well i assume they just wouldn't send an invite ? I don't think many people would do that though.

But if they don't send an invitation, at what point in the process are the Save the Date people to assume they aren't invited? I would assume that the invitation got lost in the mail or sent to the wrong address, and I would contact the B/G. I suppose that would be an awkward conversation.

Oh yes super awkward as a pp said you would just have to be an arsehole to treat people like that.

We did save the date then I got pregnant and we had to change the wedding date! I still feel bad about that.