Would I regret asking social services for support?

[bamboobam]

I have a 9 year old daughter who has adhd and is on the pathway to an autism assessment.
She has medication for her adhd which seems to help at school but when she gets home and it’s worn off she can have up to an hour melt down.
This affects my other child and I would like to seek help but I have heard some pretty scary stories about social services.
Would I regret getting them involved?

@bamboobam

Yes, from my extensive personal experience, you would. Not necessarily because your LA would threaten to remove your child, but they will and can get nasty if you persist, and also because there just is no help. I mean, they can promise you a single assessment, so nine working weeks to complete, and they can promise you a carer’s assessment, 20+ week waiting list here. I mean, you could have hanged yourself by then. Far better to accept that the cavalry is not coming from the professional services you pay for via your taxes and council tax and seek appropriate help from the third sector.

Definitely don’t ask them for help you will regret it. I would never trust them again in my life they are corrupt and awful. A close friend of mine once asked them for help in desperation for her daughter and they did nothing but ruin her and her kids life. The lies and the way they were treated were insane, I saw first hand how bad they really are to the point were everytime they came round I went round to record conversations. Even the social worker started speaking my own daughter in the garden whilst smoking a cigarette which was blowing towards her! She was literally like an ex crackhead I still can’t believe she was a social worker to this day but it all boils down to money and especially were your child has SEN they will have great pleasure in being involved as they no how much more money they can get. I wouldn’t normally post on here but this is one thing I really wish more people new before they get there self in a really bad situation.

but it all boils down to money and especially were your child has SEN they will have great pleasure in being involved as they no how much more money they can get.

what on earth does this mean? What money do they get and why would they have great pleasure in being involved?

Please don’t trust them
OP look for support in other places, charities, parent groups etc last thing you want is SS meddling

I hope all these parents who have had an awful experience have put complaints in!

I just really don’t understand though what leg to stand on social work would have if everything in your home is ok other than you struggling with a disabled child? On what grounds are people having investigations done on them? What have been the workers concerns?

I’m sure many do but you can see the way prejudice lies from this thread alone.

I did. And I won. The panel wiped the floor with them.

But the damage was already done. Long term, irreparable damage. And the LA - they learned nothing.

As for putting in complaints - I’m glad for you that you have zero idea what it takes in the middle of the wreckage left, to get a complaint even through a local authorities door. It’s took me a YEAR to even get them to follow their complaints process - hey broke the law time and time again using bullshit excuses to not open a complaint.

Imagine being told for an entire year again and again at the worst time in your life that you’ve got nothing to complain about.

Youvd zero clue.

You’re one case you don’t speak for the whole of the U.K., it’s a shame you’ve had that experience but I can only go on my own which you have zero clue about too

I would refer you to the work by Professor Luke Clements of the School of Law of the University of Leeds and the charity Cerebra. They have published significant research into the field of professional parent blaming and shaming, especially among families of children with disabilities.

Quite so; there was a BBC article very recently IIRC.

Your best course of action us probably to contact the local SENDIASS and as which is the right service in your area to get support, for your DC and for the family.

SS won't really be able to do much for you, tbh

Your best course of action us probably to contact the local SENDIASS

I would be careful with this. While SENDIASS is good in some areas. In others, they repeat the LA’s unlawful policies.

Luke Clements has written a lot about social care failings. Not just parental blame but things like FII and pp as well as LAs having unlawful criteria for assessments and/or support. Steve Broach has also done a lot to highlight social care failings.

It might help you to decide what to do if you can think about what you are hoping they would do- I’m assuming you want them to help in a particular way rather than them deciding what they want to do to help iyswim- I would think that school might be a better first port of call

I tell my story occasionally as a cautionary tale. I think now is a good opportunity to counteract the ‘there’s no smoke without fire’ posters. So, I’m a single adoptive parent of two children who are both disabled and both of whom have complex needs. I have experienced years of child-on-parent violence and abuse at the hands of my elder child, plus other significant antisocial behaviours. We are well known to the police. My adoption broke down and I was in discussions with a specialist adoption breakdown lawyer and children’s social care. Then, in January, 2024, my eldest DD made a false allegation of common assault against me, because she was pissed off that I had caught her out at something illegal. I was arrested, detained in custody for 21 hours, interviewed under caution, and released on short bail before the police decided no further action (because I did not do it!) However, because I asked for my eldest DD to go back into care, using the lawful route of s20 of the Children Act, my LA children’s social care department started a s47 child protection inquiry and I was taken to an initial child protection conference, which was the most humiliating experience of my life. I will just point out, as an adopter, I was vetted comprehensively and extensively by the very local authority that was now punishing me for being a failing parent. I will add that I had been banging on locked doors to access help and support for years, without any forthcoming. I mean, I could probably wallpaper my sitting room with the number of single assessments (they take 45 days every time!) we have had, and the number of character assassinations. Literally, in nearly 20 years of adoptive parenting, the only practical help my family has had is six weeks of one hour a week with an ‘outreach’ worker for my DD1.

Just so not to post and run, I read a few posts and immediately decided it wasn’t the best route for me so thank you to all that replied.

As awful as that is what would you suggest happen if a young person accused a foster parent of abuse?