Is it rude to talk over someone?

[Fortheloveofpenguins]

I don’t mean if it’s an emergency, or if you want to clarify something before someone gives more information (eg you’re talking about Jim and they want to check which Jim it relates to). I also don’t mean if it’s an accident and you don’t realise they haven’t finished speaking, and I don’t mean a situation where you’re very short on time. Also assume the person doesn’t have additional needs. This just relates to having a normal conversation in a relaxed situation.

YANBU: given the above caveats, it is rude to start talking over someone who was clearly part way through a sentence
YABU: it is always fine to talk over someone if you want to say something

If they're droning on and on and haven't got the wit to stop,then a steer in another direction may be necessary. Generally,it's bad etiquette to interrupt,but some people are oblivious. They are also often the interrupters after the other person has only just started talking.

I may just be thinking of a particularly irritating neighbour though,so ignore me

My ex husband used to walk out the room while I was speaking to him. One of the reasons he’s an ex and part of a larger picture of disrespect and abusive behaviour.

OMG my DH is exactly the same ... he says it's because he will forget if he doesn't get it out, I say well feckin forget then, it's RUDE 😂

I worked with a woman who interrupted all the time. She used to talk really loudly. In the end if she did it I would turn away and ignore her and she would apologise. She had a habit of doing it in meetings, talking over someone making an important point, but I would pull her up on it. I'd say Sorry, I didn't hear the end of your comment because "Mary" interrupted.

This happens to me on Teams calls sometimes 🙁 I don't mean to talk over people but it's hard to know if someone else is about to speak or has finished speaking. I'm talking informal meetings where it would be weird to raise your hand. It's made me not want to talk on screen!

You can click a hand raise emoji to indicate you're waiting to speak

Of course it's rude OP, is someone trying to pretend it's not?

The trouble is that some people will just keep on talking forever. I was with a friend the other night and she talked for 45 minutes solidly. For how long are you meant to stay silent?

Very rude to talk over someone, you can politely interject if you need to clarify a point but you can do that with body language to force a pause (open mouth shut mouth, eyebrows raised, finger raised etc)

Unless you’re a journalist, it seems pretty normal for them.

People often talk at the same time, though, in relaxed, informal situations - obviously not in a job interview. I think of it as conversational layering and those who enjoy people watching will know what I mean. There's often a lot of laughter involved; they are agreeing with other.

But the question was about 'talking over'. The op doesn't define this. What I think of as 'talking over' is people on tv or radio arguing about a topic and just blaring their opinions at each other. Yes this is rude and if I had my druthers I'd turn off their mics until they learned to let other people speak.

That doesn't fit OPs criteria of a normal, relaxed conversation, that's just one person monologuing. There's no reason to listen to that nonsense.

You're right. I had similar in a coffee shop a while back with a friend and her (adult) DD. I wanted to talk to my friend but the DD just waffled on and on and on whilst friend looked on indulgently. I tried breaking eye contact, fidgeting, etc but she kept on. In the end I just suddenly stood up and said I had to go. I saw the look of surprise on her face as I left.
It's just so self-indulgent. I'll only see her in a bigger group now. I suggest you do the same!

Oh god, I knew someone like that once. She would just monologue, for ages and ages. It was almost an hour once until she stopped, I timed it.

My husband thought I was exaggerating and didn’t believe me until we bumped into her in a pub once night. she sat with us, and talked AT us until he couldn’t take it anymore and made up an excuse that we were late meeting someone and had to leave immediately 🤣 He apologised for saying I’d been exaggerating, he’d never encountered anything so truly bizarre before!

It depends. Generally it's rude but I know at least two people who have poor conersational skills - never drawing breath and dominating conversations. If I/someone else doesn't butt it would just be like listening to a monologue.

Off course its rude but I do it all the time I can't help it i struggle to understand when the other person has actually finished

Yeah it is. But in an animated conversation that's fluid and involving a few people it certainly can happen by accident.

It's very rude and it's something I struggle with (being the rude one) it's like I can't stop my bloody mouth before it's open.
Call it out. Say "I haven't finished talking, you're being rude". Embarrassing for the interrupter but it will get the conversation back on track and remind them of their manners.

Yes - DH doesn’t think it should annoy me (you won’t be surprised to hear that he’s one of the main culprits).

In general yes it is but when you're confronted with a blowhard who won't let you get a word in edgeways sometimes you have to.

Some people love the sound of their own voice, some just genuinely can't tell they are boring others or can't read read social cues and don't know that others are waiting for an opening. If someone is in full rant mode it's completely justifiable.

I have a really old friend who will just rant and talk over people as if she can't "hear" that they are waiting to interject and I have no compunction about talking over the top of her. If I didn't I would literally be silent through the whole conversation.

I don't know if it's a new thing, but what I find is that people just want to tell you their story or point of view, but they're either not interested or CBA to listen to other people.

I have a group of friends and one particular person loves to tell anecdotes. I like this person and I'm happy to listen. However when I try to share my related experience at the end they talk over me or start talking to someone else. It's happened many times. Another person in this group holds court with stories. If I join the conversation by saying (in a gap) my own point I get "oh were you finding our conversation boring?". I am so confused as I've never had this experience previously. My own understanding of a conversation is that it's a two way process, but I'm finding this less and less common.

In among all this, add in a hearing impairment - in a group setting, where someone is talking softly, I’m guilty of cutting in because I haven’t heard that they’re speaking. If I realise (from body language etc) what I’ve done, I apologise profusely & stop!!
People who monologue don’t become friends. Family is more difficult…

You say that interrupting is a sign of neurodivergence. I've found the opposite to be the case, because they've been taught as children not to do so with cartoons featuring smooth and jagged speech bubbles. Then in adult discussion groups there'll often be silence when someone finishes a sentence. Then another person will ask if they've finished speaking. Some people will talk for a while and then say, 'And I've finished speaking', so that others know they may speak.

Yes it's rude, but it's also a fairly normal aspect of everyday conversation. Whether I got annoyed with it would depend on a few things: the context/topic, how often the person did it, why I thought they were doing it.

I thought talking over people is classic adhd? My aunt has adhd and she does this all
yhr time. I’m mid conversation with someone else and she just launches in with a totally unrelated question. It’s infuriating.

Mine too. He is excitable and wants to respond to the point, but regularly has to be told to stop.

Yes, OP, it’s rude. But I think you know that already?