To worry that my son never gets invited to anything

[Beepboobeep]

My son is six, in year 2. He’s never been invited on a single play date or to a party that isn’t an all class party.

He’s had his own birthday parties in reception and yr 1 where he named about 10 children he wanted to invite to each, mix of boys and girls. He’s only been invited to their parties if all class parties and none in about a year. We have had five children over for separate play dates. They all seemed to have fun. He’s never been invited back.

He’s started to say he wants to invite some of these children round again, that’s fine with me but in my older daughter’s class it’s always been one playdate at mine, then one at theirs, so I suddenly realised he never gets invited back.

He is generally well behaved and polite - according to school not just me. I’ve never known him to be rough. He does talk a lot, but most adults warm to him as he’s so chatty with them - but he might be a lot for other kids maybe?? Although he seems to play very well with everyone in the playground after school.

He goes into school happy, comes out happy. His teacher says he plays well with other children and gets on with everyone in the class.

I’m aware of other parties and play dates happening. I just can’t think why he’s never invited. Am I over thinking it??

As I post each time, my son never did a playdate after school and he is now in year 7! He talks about friends and plays games online with some so I am not worried about him being lonely at school.

As I always say when it comes to playdates 1. Our house is generally messy, I feel that parents might judge this. I don't mind my friends and their children coming round as I know they are people like me (and also if I ever needed to tell my kids off they wouldn't judge as they would also be the same with their kids 😂) 2. Our house is small. No room for sleepovers. Plus when young kids had a habit of getting out everything. I remember my niece coming round to ours and literally emptying all our toy boxes and my brother being horrified in trying to get her to pick it all up. 3. I (like you) have two children. If you do a playdate for one then you have to do one for the other. This takes up a lot of time.

1. We do clubs 3 nights a week. Then weekends do things as a family. If you are still at the age when class parties are going on, no one wants to add another playdate to the mix. Also a lot of kids seem to do football on weekends.
2. My other issue is distance and car seats. We do not live within walking distance to school so drive. When young this would require car seats. My car is also small so with my own kids in car seats in the back this would have meant having a child in the front in a car seat too (which the parent would then need to have given me and i would prefer them to have secured in my car too).

Also to add I am surprised the teacher actually said the class are cliquey 🤔 I think maybe you have taken something they have said and adapted this. Teachers can't generally comment on things like this as I know when my son first started school I asked at parents evening if he had friends and they would keep it general to him having friends (but not naming them).
I work in a school and if a parent asks me I cannot say to them, oh yes they play with Sam all the time, they seem like good friends. All I would be able to say is that they have one close friend that they play with.

Yes, parties at a weekend.

You list 3 extra curriculars he does during the week, so that's 3 out of 5 days he cannot do?

My youngest doesn't get invited much as she floats between different groups. Plus she is coeliac so I think people worry about hosting her in case they feed her something she shouldn't have. So I host her friends. She has someone round at least once or twice a month. Ultimately it doesn't really matter to me where she's having playdates, as long as she is having them. I also recognise that not everyone has capacity to organise. I dont work Fridays, and we live 5 mins walk from the school, so it's easy for us to host. On the end of term half days I can have up to 8-10 children (each child invites 2-4 friends) and that's fine, we have a big garden and a reasonable size house. Others would hate the thought of that or be too busy.

When they were that age I tended to invite the kid and mum. So if they don’t know you very well that might be a reason? When they got older it was just the kid so that might change?

Thanks, cliquey was a direct quote actually. She then said she was actively trying to mix them up with partners etc. never thought about it being something she shouldn’t have said.

I find it interesting everyone is assuming play dates are after school, all my DD’s have been at weekends. We couldn’t host during the week due to work so we host them at weekends as well. I also always give a fixed time period for them as we have to then head for another club etc.

One of my DD's best friends has never invited DD to his house. I think it might be something to do with the state of their house, but it obviously isn't any of my business and we've had him to play plenty as that supports their relationship.

There are also plenty of children who have not invited DD back to their parties because they don't have them. COL makes parties, even simple ones, expensive. Again, this has had no impact on who she has invited to her parties.

I think it’s more that I know the parties are happening and he’s not invited so I wonder why.

Are the parties limited in number? I am currently in year 2 and even in year 1 kids generally only hand out around 5-8 invites. Plus if it's a two form entry some of those invites will be to children in the other class. So in one class of 30, 3 kids might get an invite.

A lot of party packages for places like trampoline parks are for 8 people, so if the birthday child is one place that only leaves 7 others. I always used to say my kids had to take their sibling, so that would mean 6 friends. My mum always used to want me to invite my niece, so now you are down to just 5 kids from school. Maybe he is just unlucky and doesn't make the cut, or if he mixes between groups he might not be considered as a main friend when parents are choosing.

Yes maybe just unlucky not to make the cut I guess, just feel sad for him that some he says are his best friends and invites to play dates and his parties don’t invite him back. He’s had 6-10 children at his parties and I know at least half of those have had a party he didn’t get an invite to. I guess I wonder if the kids or parents don’t like him for some reason I haven’t worked out or maybe me