Please remind me why its good not to have a baby...

[T1MumOf1]

Ive had some news that has really unsettled me, without going into any outing details.
I always wanted another child but couldn't cope with pregnancy I nearly died last time at 21 weeks pregnant and had a still born. I'm fuming today and without going into why... I just need to remember why it's good not to have another baby right now 😂

Please help my brain switch off.

3 prolapses. A fanny with an echo. Stitches, Piles. Incontinence.

the never, ending cooking.
sleep
the sheer amount of bodily fluids they produce.

Only today my 4 year old DS was sick in his mouth and then let it all out on to the floor of a mall.

My DD coughed so hard she wet herself.

And then in the afternoon my DS told me he had jelly in his pants - he'd done a shart.

I'm really sorry for your news. I was incredibly desperate for children throughout my thirties to the point where I thought they were my only path to happiness. Now I’m in my very late forties I can see that it was hormones driving that urge. Obviously I love my kids but I do feel that the primal urge to have kids pulls a real number on women.

I have a few people I’m close to who chose not to have children and from the outside looking in they all have amazing holidays a few times a year, they’re aging much better than me possibly because of sleep although one spends a lot on Botox/fillers etc, they all have much more available money than me, two of them have really interesting hobbies that they have had time to invest in, and they all have very nice cars. One has really invested in her house it looks like a set from a film. I suppose in short they all have the time and money to prioritise it how they want rather than putting someone else’s needs first. Interestingly once we hit our forties, none chose to really push on with their career (I wouldn’t either) but all have very big lives outside of work.

To me though the biggest difference is their relationships with their partner. They are all properly ‘in love’ couples. I’m not sure if it’s because they’re not constantly bogged down in the who is more tired/who has done more competition but they just don’t seem to whinge about their other half the way I do. I get the sense that because they’ve chosen to do things a little differently than is expected they have more of a feeling that they’re building a really lovely life together rather than just coasting through whatever comes at them next - that might just be me projecting though!

Hugs OP.

reasons: money, childcare costs. The first 4 years is fresh hell for working parents, You can go on holiday and actually enjoy it. Buy a house without giving a shit about school districts. You won’t get every nursery plague. You won’t poop yourself at Centerparcs from norovirus. Instead you’ll be on an exotic dignified break. There’s something to be said for being the fun aunt.

You can pursue an interest, a hobby, a passion, a talent, an obsession to your hearts content with no daily (hourly) responsibilities.
You don't have to deal with those parents who you wish you didn't have to deal with.
No childcare, before or after school, school or college fees
No constant sense of background guilt and regret that you should have responded or reacted/anticipated differently to tiny little life events that probably don't even matter
No all-nighters in hospital with a sick kid

Less likely to learn that your one true love wouldn't actually get up to help you with the kids when you need him

I'm sorry for your bad news OP

Well, you can sleep. And there’s a lower incidence of having someone spit up on you. Your life will be much less sticky and smelly without children. They can be expensive.

On the other hand, they bring overwhelming and humbling love and joy.

Do whatever is best for you.

Your perineum will thank you.

Expense, sleep, lack of toxic sibling rivalry if there is already a child, earlier freedom, or consistent freedom, partner relationship being unaffected by the struggles and stresses of the responsibility of children

Can't believe nobody's mentioned STRESS. There's always something to worry about. Them getting older just means it's a different something.

Sleep, money, time, freedom, sex, time for your relationship, not damaging your body, not having to go to soft play centres and kids' parties and all the other horrible horrible things. Time for reading and hobbies and friends.

If you need more, just spend a bit of time looking at the stuff people post on mn. My toddler hits other kids, my 8yo eats nothing but crisps, my teen's on drugs and smashes windows when we say no to him. My 35yo throws a fit if I won't give her free childcare five days a week but otherwise doesn't want to know me. The things that can go really horribly wrong are infinite.

They're a nightmare, then they leave. Then you're sort of back to where you started, really, in terms of your day to day life. (Only with youth, energy, potential , options etc gone, obviously). People who don't do it are just skipping the twenty years of hard labour in between.