DH gym behaviours and suspicious relationship with a woman

[Lowerbacksgone]

DH owns his own gym. Every weekday he’s out 6-10. Today he said he was exhausted and was just “popping in” and would be home in an hour. He was gone 4 hours.

We’ve previously had arguments about this because I think he should show some consideration to me and let me know if he’s going to be late/held up. This was about dinner being ready when he got in, but more generally it’s just nice to know when he’ll be back.

He didn’t text me or phone to say he was going to be back at 10, I was sitting thinking he’d be back at 715.

He told me sort my fucking head out, and that just because I want something doesn’t mean I get it (he’s previously agreed to text me and said it was basic courtesy).

He’s been overly friendly with another trainers wife in the last few months. Shes said she can get him a job in her company and that they should meet at hers (?) to discuss this. Long phone calls in his call history. She’s added me as friend despite me not knowing her and has followed him (he doesn’t follow her back). I find this disconcerting but can’t say why.

aibu to think he should let me know if he’s going to be late? Or am I being needy and controlling?

I take it you're single...

No. I’m happily married. Been with him for 27 years, married for 10. Have an 18 yo and 15 yo together.

He sounds like a complete dickhead.

I would dump him and move on.

Amazing.
Do neither of you consider the other, or is it a one-way thing?

so your expectation of relationships is that, if one person wants some basic communication (a text to say they’ll be later than expected), it’s okay for the other person to not bother… they should give you 4 hours of their time? When a text takes 30 seconds 😂 alright

Both very considerate of each other but we also don’t need to report in. We trust each other and know we’ll be home when we can. Things crop-up and may delay us, but as long as there’s nothing to concern us (i.e we’re safe) then no, we wouldn’t expect to be chased down or argued with when we got home.

I think trust is the issue in OPs relationship. Or neediness. And now aggression from the H.

Doomed!

Well how’s that working out for you so far?

any reason for the snideiness? Everything ok? Seem really invested in a strangers situation.

That’s…. your opinion, I guess.

I just don’t understand your behaviour. Do you literally have nothing to do when he’s out of the house and need him with you or him to be at least thinking of you when he isn’t with you?

He shouldn’t have chucked the phone at you. But I think I understand why he got that angry.

Try chilling out a little and getting some other interests other than your Hs whereabouts.

Are you hard of reading? I’m not upset he was out. I’m upset that a level of consideration which was agreed on was not honoured.

Well move along then, because he agreed to the consideration and then didn’t honour it. Haven’t you got anything better to do than comment repeatedly on this post?

YANBU, OP. I mean aside from his winning personality - nobody should be swearing and throwing things at their spouse; I wouldn't even do that to a casual acquaintance. If I thought someone would be back at 7 I'd hold off on dinner. If I got a text saying someone would be back 3 hours later I'd go ahead and eat.

You're being very rude and unpleasant about OP and it's totally uncalled for. He's verbally abusive to OP at the very least. It's just common courtesy for OP's DH to let her know that he will be home much later than he originally told her.

Clue’s in their username…

It’s not about permission to stay out later, rather respecting your partner and letting them know you will be late.
I would expect my Dh to do this and my children.

Are you deliberately being obtuse?

But if you said you would be back in an hour and then don’t appear after two hours how do you know the person is safe?
That’s the point of the text - all okay, but will be back later.

It’s not about being clingy and rigid it’s about courtesy and respect for the other person.

He sounds absolutely horrible.

Why are you with him?
You never spend time together, he's rude, violent, sweary and selfish. And clearly not very successful if he only works part time. While playing with his hobby for most of every evening.

Do you really have to refer to the OP @Lowerbacksgone as "little ole wifey"? So dismissive.

Also if someone is cooking you dinner and you can't make it.. you text them to say so. He agreed to that and now he's throwing his phone at her.

He sounds really really horrible.

On the basis you have ignored every single mention of kids when responding to posters, I'm presuming you don't have any?

There's no one else to consider, just leave!!! He doesn't even like you, he's vile.