DH gym behaviours and suspicious relationship with a woman

[Lowerbacksgone]

DH owns his own gym. Every weekday he’s out 6-10. Today he said he was exhausted and was just “popping in” and would be home in an hour. He was gone 4 hours.

We’ve previously had arguments about this because I think he should show some consideration to me and let me know if he’s going to be late/held up. This was about dinner being ready when he got in, but more generally it’s just nice to know when he’ll be back.

He didn’t text me or phone to say he was going to be back at 10, I was sitting thinking he’d be back at 715.

He told me sort my fucking head out, and that just because I want something doesn’t mean I get it (he’s previously agreed to text me and said it was basic courtesy).

He’s been overly friendly with another trainers wife in the last few months. Shes said she can get him a job in her company and that they should meet at hers (?) to discuss this. Long phone calls in his call history. She’s added me as friend despite me not knowing her and has followed him (he doesn’t follow her back). I find this disconcerting but can’t say why.

aibu to think he should let me know if he’s going to be late? Or am I being needy and controlling?

I wouldn’t tolerate anyone throwing their phone at me.

I don’t mind he goes to do his gym, I just would like communication if he’s going to be late. I feel crazy that I’ve asked now when he clearly didn’t think he needed to and just called me twisted because I said well you said you’d tell me

Why does he need to let you know he’s running late? Late for what exactly? Sitting down to eat dinner with you or to watch TV with you? Or to help with the kids?

I wouldn’t want to tell someone my every move unless I had responsibilities that I needed to be home for ie kids.

Because it’s basic courtesy.

Stop it!

OP hasn’t mentioned having children at home either so it’s just annoying behaviour.

The gym or this woman are not your problem.

He’s a rude disrespectful piece of shit; is this actually how he talks to you?!

Wouldnt you rather bin him and find someone who actually speaks to you like you’re not a piece of shit on their shoe?

why does she need to have children at home? It’s basic courtesy towards your partner. He said he would be gone for an hour and then went for four. Letting the other person know you will be back later is a basic courtesy.

He calls you names. He throws things at you. He promises things without follow through. And, im sure I've read about him before so its now a one off incident. Just dump him abd move on.

I don’t think I could be married to a man who was prioritising some random woman from the gym’s feelings before my feelings. Then had the audacity to throw a phone at me over it.

Because he’s told me he’s going for an hour. After 2 hours, wouldn’t you think, I’ll let my partner know I’ll be back later? I would. It’s not annoying to keep someone updated. especially as he agreed it was something he would do in the past!

I don't like the swearing, that alone shows a basic disrespect of you.

Has there been any other suspicious behaviours?

Has he always been moody and aggressive? My friends DH changed personality when he got serious at the gym and it was due to steroids.

Long conversations with another woman and then being defensive about it, staying out most evenings. What is he bringing to the relationship?

He doesn’t want to spend any time with you - so why are you clinging on to this man ?

self respect is what you need to invest in - not him .

It’s not about letting someone know your every move, it’s basic respect for your partner.

If you say you’re out for an hour but then you’re running late for whatever reason, a message that takes seconds to send is basic decency.

He told me sort my fucking head out, and that just because I want something doesn’t mean I get it

He said I’ll be back when class fucking finishes. That’s it. He threw his phone at me

To me they're bigger red flags than what he's doing. He has no respect for you. There's also the distinct possibility that he is in at least some sort of relationship with her. One, the aggression, because he's turning it on you - DARVO, deny, attack, reverse victim and offender. Two because He said he didn’t want to hurt her feelings by not taking the job. Who on earth turns their life upside down and takes a job just because they don't want to hurt someone's feelings???

Whatever is or isn't going on here, is this really a relationship you want to be in? What do you get out of it?

He swears at you and throws things at you when you ask him a perfectly normal question. Do you want a relationship with someone like that?
Does his gym make any money or is it a vanity project? Can you help him out if he's finding it too much, if you want to stay with him, or are you kept away.
The woman is keeping tabs on your relationship by following/friend requesting you. If you want to mess with her a bit, put lots of lovey dovey stuff on there. Also may be useful to see how your partner reacts.
But honestly, I'd just bin such a disrespectful and abusive guy.

She’s not his mother and he’s not a child who has to report home. He’s a grown man who can come and go as he pleases. I’d hate to be made to feel awful for staying out longer than I said, just because.

She knows where he is and she knows he runs the place, so he’s obviously got caught up doing something. He shouldn’t have to worry about little ole wifey waiting at home with his dinner ffs.

Talk about keeping him on a leash.

are you being deliberately obtuse? He’s said he would be an hour and was 4. This has been an issue in the past and he agreed to keep me updated. In the context of his new friendship it is alarming. Notice you didn’t mention anything about his reaction.

He Feels as if her behaviour isn’t an issue. He said if you’re bothered message her and fucking ask

He sounds vile and aggressive. Is he one of these massive bodybuilders that takes steroids? They can cause aggression...or he might just be a nasty piece of work.
There would be no way I would tolerate being spoken to like this and a phone thrown at me. Leave him, he will never change.

He sounds like a real catch….works part time and spend the sociable part of the evening out of the house every night. Temper/shouting/violent (probably full of roids)….i think you should reframe this and be relieved that someone else might take this prince of men off your hands. Are there any parts of the relationship that make you happy?

I wouldn’t be too caught up in whether anything is going on with the other woman anymore. If my DH ever through a phone at me and/or spoke to me like that the marriage would be over

If you’re worried, go with him.

So do you have kids you need help with?

There is literal NO Reason you can't text. Unless you're in the middle of doing brain surgery.
You just didn't think it was important enough.