AWBU to make our kids do activities?

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TL;DR: AWBU to make our kids do activities when they don't want to?

Longer version: we have two DDs, in Y2 and Y5 respectively. Each is doing a few activities in and after school: swimming, karate, dance (oldest), and an instrument. I'd be open to letting them try other things, although we don't have many other options that work with our schedules. About half of the activities are in school hours, so most of their evenings are free.

Almost every week, they argue about having to do each of these activities. For the most part, they put up with doing them, and they generally report having enjoyed them once they have been, but it's a frustrating battle almost every week.

My main reason for wanting them to do these things is to foster their interests and skills, but I wonder if we will instead end up putting them off organised activities entirely.

Are we doing the wrong thing by making them go despite their protests, or does the end justify the means? If they did quit, how likely is it that they will go back to playing instruments, sports and/or other activities when they are older?

Scouting leader here, having just made the move from squirrels to beavers - you do get a bit of a shift in group dynamics when most of a social group moves up. My daughter was a little bit of a duck out of water in the last term of squirrels as those from her class had already moved up and she's still finding her place in beavers but week by week is getting there.

We opted to stick with scouts and not to cross over to rainbows as she would have one term where her best friend would be there but would move up to brownies afterwards. My daughter wouldn't move up for another 2 terms. We will reassess scouts Vs girl guiding in September.

I would happily let ours try different activities to their current ones, but they don't want to try any other ones either. Basically, they want to pack them all in and simply flop about at home instead. I just think it's a shame not to learn any instruments or sports when you have the opportunity! If they're anything like me, they'll end up regretting never having truly honed a skill throughout childhood and into adulthood.

So you’re make your kids do stuff because you regret not doing it as a kid? You can’t live your life through them.

I don't see any point in making a child continue with an activity they aren't enjoying, unless for the sake of their health (i.e. getting enough exercise).

Fostering interests is great, enforcing them is generally counter-productive.

I have zero musical ability and hopeless at sport and two absent parents so did do after school activities beyond a bit of netball and recorder in primary school (neither went well).

I did learn patience, tolerance of tedium, peace in ones own company and acceptance of boredom. All of which have been extremely useful in my degrees and career.

I honed different skills in my own reading and and wondering. I read Dan Brown when the Da Vinci code came out and spent a week teaching myself to write upside down and back to front. I'm fairly ambidextrous and practised my left hand writing.
We didn't have computer games but we did have a touch typing game and I used to challenge myself to improve on that.

I spent many afternoons watching countdown with my grandparents and taught myself to draw by trying to draw celebrities from pictures in the newspaper.

You have given them opportunities, let them drop the things they don't want to do and give them time and space to start looking at other things. There might not be anything they want to start right now but give them unstructured time and see what interests they want to explore. Doing things because other people think you should do them doesn't give you the same benefit of doing something because it's something you want to master

But the opportunity doesn't disappear once they grow up! Absolutely nothing stops you from picking up a sport or an instrument. I have a woman in my crossfit gym who is in her late 60s and just competed at the international masters this year. She only picked it up three years ago.
My aunt picked up piano in her 50s and is now touring with a choir.
My grandfather taught himself coding in his late 60s
My boyfriend started a sport at 40 and had his first regional competition this year and is currently a third in the UK in his age group and weight class.
Lifelong learning is a thing and I don't blame your kids for wanting to "flop about" at home after a long day at school. I would imagine, you wouldn't want to be out 4-5 times a week doing activities after a full day at work either. Kids need to learn to navigate unstructured time. It's a far more important life skill than knowing how to play clarinet.

I’m sorry but this is rubbish!
I didn’t do activities as a child - being an introvert, by the time I’d finished school for the day I’d had enough of people and activities!

Does this mean I’m boring? As a child I was very self-directed and spent that free time writing and illustrating stories, making things (puppets, clothes and furniture for my Sindy dolls etc) and generally being autonomous 😆

As an adult I’ve backpacked my way around the world and my “activities” these days include horse-riding, trapeze, dance and photography. Some of us come to “activities” later but I’d argue we’re more interesting for having come up with our own hobbies rather than having them foisted upon us 😝

Nope. Any extra activity should be driven by then. If they want to do it great. Otherwise why bother. All those piano lessons forced on me as a kid and I rarely practised and as soon as they let me stop I never touched a piano again. What did it teach me? Nothing other than I had no control and I definitely resented them for making me do it. Ditto ballet. But horseriding I loved and my mother was very generous with her time taking me as it was about 45 minutes away and she had to wait.
My son loves rugby and I was there every Thursday evening and early Sunday morning rain hail shine as he loved it so much. I didn’t mind as he wanted to do it and was up ready and prepared (except I always seemed to be the one cleaning his boots)! Hes 23 now and still plays.
@Iris2020what transferable skills? Playing the piano on a basic level gave me none. Being humiliated at ballet gave me none except a self confidence issue. There were activities I liked and I did those. Some you don’t came to til you are older - I see no point making kids do something they dislike.

But they’re not you!

Swimming should be compulsory because it’s a safety issue.

Organised sport only for sporty kids. Some kind of physical activity is important but it doesn’t have to be an organised team sport because a lot of kids and adults hate that.

Music only if they are interested and have aptitude for it. Not everyone does and that’s fine. They can lean as adults if they want to.

Find something they actually want to do, my DD did an art club for a while, and went to brownies.

I would tell your DDs they have to carry on with the swimming and they can drop the others but have to think of one activity each they would like to try instead

I did 0 organised activities as a kid…I am far from bland but thanks. I work hard and play hard, I have 3 degrees and I work in a corporate role, I am highly motivated and skilled, and full of charm if I must say so myself 🤣 I have travelled lots and I do fun activities in my own time now.

YABU, that’s way too many activities, unsurprising the DC have become fed up.

A musical instrument takes a fair bit of time to learn to progress - your DC won’t have time to do that - if so inclined, many aren’t - with all the other things.

It’s not a ‘crying shame’ if DC quit swimming lessons once they’ve become strong swimmers, if they don’t want it as a hobby.

My sibling did no hobbies as a DC except brief stints of trying things - introvert & exhausted by school and home life. They do loads as an adult, mainly alone 😆

I do think with how much social media and brain rot content is now available to children it is important to culture other interests. Back when you just had kids TV for a few hours a day it was probably less important and kids left to their own devices would find other things like reading.

That being said different kids have different energy levels and it may be that this is too many activities for your own kids.

My kids do swimming (non negotiable) , they have do do one instrument and do a sport or something else.
they also grumbled but my ds(11yo) is brilliant at his instrument now and so proud of himself. He does a sport ( it took him a few years of trying what suits him and finally found it).

my dd is only 4 but does 3 activities- drama, swimming , art.

I do believe exposing them to a wide variety of interests is so beneficial.

I think it depends on the child. My eldest has loved every activity she has done and thrives from being busy. Now she’s 12 she does 2 activities out of school (one takes up a lot of time) and squeezes in as much at school as possible. My youngest is 9 and is massively different. He has struggled at almost every club he’s ever done and not enjoyed most. Swimming lessons he stood and didn’t move. He enjoys us taking him swimming so we taught him. Aged 8 he announced he wanted to play football and now trains and plays when he can. He does it for a club and school and adores it. He had to be ready and it had to come from him.

Did they choose the activities or did you? Apart from swimming which I think all children should do other after school activities should be things the children have asked to do and want to do.
They won't develop a love of the activities if they don't enjoy them.

Swimming is a non-negotiable unless they're already very capable.

I think encouraging outside activities is a good thing. Making them continue with specific ones when they've said they don't want to is a bad thing. Make them see out the commitment they've made (eg end of term, up to a performance/competition etc) but respect their opinions. They can always go back to it if they change their mind. I know a lot of people who were forced to stick with activities they didn't enjoy. I don't know any who think it was a good thing, or who have wanted to pick it up again later. Whereas I know a lot of people who have picked up hobbies they dropped in childhood.

We exposed them to a lot. Probably tried everything. We did a term of something and by then could gauge if this is worth pursuing. We tried a lot before they found their interests. Swimming and instruments are non negotiable though.

My rules were that swimming was non-negotiable, they had a limited allocation of screen time per day they could use how and when they wanted, chores and homework had to be done on time, but the rest of the time was theirs to use how they wanted. If they started an activity they had to stick with it for a bit before giving up.

They're teens now and actively say they really appreciate having been given given space to decide what they wanted to do (they're both gym-goers, hikers, and musicians and one does gymnastics and a lot of craft, and the other is into model trains) as they've seen how much friends hated being forced to do things. They're also extremely good at entertaining themselves without screens because I didn't fill their time for them.

My exH is still really upset by being forced to go to activities by his mother when he was young. It absolutely works for some kids, but we're introverts and need a lot of space at home. School was exhausting for all of us.

I used to let my son decide. Offered opportunities and left it up to him. We ended up doing 1:1 swimming lessons as he hated group sessions and refused to go. Once he could swim I let him drop it. He enjoyed beavers and cubs (though less so) and really wasn't keen on scouts so dropped that. He enjoyed drama for a couple of years. He also enjoyed after school clubs like dodge ball and gymnastics and later on art clubs. He dabbles with the gym. He never had more than 2 things on the go at once. Not everyone likes doing loads of extra curricular stuff like sport or music and they have other hobbies like reading, films, music, drawing and gaming and that's all fine.

My son is now at Uni and in his spare time games, draws, plays chess, goes to the gym, watches TV and listens to audiobooks, podcasts and music. He enjoys travelling and visiting new places. He and some friends are thinking of joining the badminton club. Last year they had a go at snowboarding. He also fancies trying climbing. You don't have to do the same things for years. It is fine to try stuff out, enjoy the experience and move on.