Graduation and Freeloading Relatives - how to handle?

[BruFord]

DH and I were talking about DD's university graduation next year (assuming she passes her final year, of course, fingers crossed). We're lucky that her university allows each student to have several tickets so DD can also invite extended family. Absolutely no expectation for anyone should attend, but it's nice that DD can ask them. Her university isn't close to anyone's home, so we'll all have to travel, book accommodation, pay for meals, etc.

One of DH's sisters loves family events and we're pretty sure that she and her DH will want to come. The only slight drawback is that they also have a history of freeloading when travelling with family members. No logical reason for this, they have professional jobs and go on several holidays a year. I think they just don't like spending money!

We'll pay for a celebratory family meal, but how do we gently get the message across that if they do decide to come, they'll have to pay for their accommodation, meals, etc. DH's brother got really annoyed with them on a recent joint holiday!

Lol yes. I didn’t even go to my own. I did go to DC1’s and never been so bored in all my life. I ended up counting the students out of sheer boredom- it was around 1000 and I watched every single one of them go up on stage.

OP - I’d sent them a hotel booking link with something like this: “This is where we are staying. You can book yourselves in here or there are several other cheaper (or more pricey options if your budget allows). We’ll treat everyone to a celebratory meal after the ceremony, which we’d love to invite you to if you decide to come.

Just so you can plan accordingly for other meals, you might want to look at these places: … Just a heads up, we thought x looked decent and more friendly on our wallets. “

They do in the US. The last graduation I attended was my youngest nephew's. There were five aunts and uncles in attendance along with several cousins and a couple of close family members. We were a group of 14, all but two who had to travel some distance. The group sitting in front of us had at least 20 people, an African American family whose daughter was an honor graduate and one of the first in the family to go to university (or college, as we say here in the US.)

There can be a lot of reasons that US graduations are a big deal. My nephew's graduation marked the third generation in our family to graduate from this large state university (my father and mother and my brother, my nephew's dad.) In addition, it's a big football college (part of the Southeastern Conference, which is the top tier of college football) and that is another reason that loyalties run deep.

As for rain, there are usually alternate venues when the graduation is set for an outdoor football stadium, but the alternates also tend to be large, an indoor basketball stadium, for example.

The next college graduation will by my oldest grandchild's in 2029. It's already very much on our radar. We had 18 people at her high school graduation last year so we expect at least that number for her next one.

I was tipped off in advance and managed to avoid my own graduation ceremony.

This. Tedious events. 🙄

Just say we’re staying here, you can book there or wherever you want. It shouldn’t be an issue for you to say this.

You have two choices.

A) Keep schtum. Don’t mention the extra tickets and go by yourselves.

B) Make your own arrangements the tell them what you are offering.

*

Betty’s graduation is coming up and all family members are welcome to the ceremony.

We will be hosting a celebration dinner on Z night at 7pm for anyone that would like to join us.

Regarding overnight stay, we have booked and paid to stay in Y hotel. If you would like to join us then please make your own arrangements. It is £xxx per night for bed and breakfast.

Just don’t invite them then, if they are freeloading/will take the piss

Also, it sounds very lucky there’ll be more than 2 tickets for each graduate…a pair of tickets for family members seems totally standard (at least here in England at the universities I’ve graduated from)

@TurquoiseDress Yes, I'm surprised too as I went to university in the UK. It's completely different here in the US.

Well, I've glad I started thinking about this early as I've just been looking into accommodation and loads of places are already booked up for graduation weekend! One hotel that's fully booked told me that they're already getting inquiries for the 2028 graduation! No Airbnbs available either.

Luckily, I've found a family room, but I think this situation will discourage freeloading as we genuinely couldn't add anyone to our reservation or squeeze them into an Airbnb, etc.